Just broke up w/ LDR bf, both still have feelings for EO; what's going to happen IYO?

[onemorecupofcoffee]

There were fireworks when we met two years ago. He was just visiting for the weekend and we met by chance but things were so spectacular we started an LDR (6 hrs away) relationship and got to know each other over email, phone, etc. We said we loved each other. But then things started to go really sour and the magic wore off. I broke it off after 7 months though because his stress level suddenly skyrocketed and he stopped putting in effort and didn't want to communicate anymore. It wasn't a pretty breakup, and part of me feels like I should have been less aggressive/confrontational and more understanding.

 

NC for 7 months - absolutely NC. All of a sudden he breaks NC and we start casually talking... he finally admits he has not been fine and has been thinking about me and I of course had never gotten over him. We start it up again, this time trying to go cautiously rather than going 200mph. No I love you but talk of kids and future and being each other's "one." I try to fix my problems of always venting and being too emotional and aggressive and I feel as though I've learned and grown from who I was before - much more understanding, developed techniques to control my emotions and stay rational. This time, I feel like I put in that effort and I was ready for more. He on the other hand is still stressed, but I noticed that even when he didn't have an excuse, there would always be instances where we both know he could have done more but didn't, he became unreliable, neglectful, and I soon felt like I was just "on call." Lost his cell, I could never reach him, but we managed, mostly because I was tolerant in the most superhuman way, I like to think

 

Christmas visit - didn't go so smoothly. He feels weird and develops mixed feelings/doubts. (seems VERY unfair to me because even through all the crap I put up with, I stayed strong never doubting only understanding/researching solutions.)

 

New Years Eve - we decide that it's not fair to me because I'm so invested and he needs to think about this. But he makes it clear that he's not ready to throw everything we've had out the window. We just don't know each other the way we need to. He also wants me to know that he still has feelings and he wished he wanted more time, but I told him I couldn't just wait anymore - it's too much torture and I'm too tired already from always waiting around for him to have enough time for me. But I also told him I had feelings for him too. And he wants to stay close... stay friends. And maybe one day.. who knows. Which is weird, because he's told me he never likes to stay in touch or be friends with ex's. They're done after the breakup.

 

I'm not asking for anyone to tell me move on and get over because I am - single and ready to get on with my life. I just want to know if anyone has an opinion on the chances that we would ever develop again. Anyone who's been in an LDR, or broken up with their SO with mutual lingering feelings...? Right person wrong time? We're both 23 and still working on becoming "stable," though both on the right track, it's a big factor in why we're not able to be physically together.