LDR and commitment issue: How do you prove commitment without buying a ring?

[a taken guy]

Hey all it's me again!

 

My LDR GF (of 2 + yrs) told me that she she doesn't think I'm committed to her in regards to our future. She thinks this because some of the decsions I've made she feels I haven't thought about how they would effect us, but I have thought about her too not always though. I am completely committed to her. My problem is that I don't know how to prove I'm committed, is it I just need to think about how something would effect us all the time?! She knows I love her romanticly, but she said because she's not sure about my committment to our future together it cheapens my love for her (a paraphrase). How do you prove commitment without buying a ring? (She doesn't want one until I graduate.)

 

ATG

[nessa401]

Having been in a LDR for the past 2 years, and being with my boyfriend for the past 4, I might be able to help but I don't know. There are some big decisions that do affect the relationship, and your S.O. should always be a factor in those. They should also be a part of the decision making process in that you should talk with each other before a decision is made. Now, if your gf is asking you to think about her whenever you make any decision: to buy new clothes, what peanut butter to buy, or anything that really has no affect on her whatsoever, she's nuts. (peaNUTS even ). The key to a successful LDR (as I am the only one I know personally who has made it this long in one) is trust, communication, and space. You have to trust each other to know that they are doing whatever possible to make the relationship work. You have to be able to talk (more so than when you are close) through issues. And you both have to understand that both need space to figure out who you are individually. You can't commit to someone else until you've made a commitment to yourself. My boyfriend taught me that at this point in our lives, our main priority should be ourselves. Because if we don't love and know ourselves, we can't possibly love and know the other person to the fullest. I don't believe there is anyway to show that you are commited. If she is so insecure that she cannot truly take your word, then your relationship may not make it. One of the reasons my boyfriend and I have made it so long, is we were together for 2 years prior to the long distance. We had that time to prove our commitment, we had that time to get to know each other, and to become best friends. So there is no doubt in our minds that we are both committed. There are ways to reassure the committment (little things -- cards (an inexpensive token) sent just to say i love you, my boyfriend once showed up at my dorm room at 9am on Valentine's Day as a surprise). But in all honesty, if after 2+ years she doesn't know you're committed, then she may never know, no matter how hard you try to show it. Even a ring may get questioned by her later on. I say Beware! Good luck. I hope it works out!

[a taken guy]

Thanks you've helped me think about some things I didn't think about before. I'll think more then talk to her. Our communication has always been great. Thanks again.

 

ATG