jessy1 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Hey guys! I guess this is the first depressing post to start off the new year! Anyway I split from my ex over a year ago. We havent spoken or seen each other for over a year. I still look his facebook now and then and he seeems very happy which is great. The pain no longer overwhelms me like it used to, I have just slipped into a depression I guess. The 08 year was really rough for me. I have never been able to forgive myself for being a bad gf. He was my first everything and I guess I didnt know how to act. I was a bad gf and I pushed him away. I was fat and depressed about other things in my life and I took it out on him. I got what I deserved and he left.. I dont need to go into detail about the pain I went through but I became a TOTALLY different person when I came out of it. Im not just saying that for sympathy, I really became a different person. I moved on and dated other guys but nothing really worked out. I woke up today and realised I really missed my first ex I hate myself for letting things turn out the way they did. It was my fault the relationship ended. He was a perfect bf and everything I wanted. I keep wishing so much that I had meet someone else before him so he could have had the changed me, not the grumpy overweight girl he had. So How do I move on in this situation? I feel like karma keeps getting me. I have learned my lesson and im a totally different person so how do I forgive myself for what happened between us and move on? I really miss him and I want him to be happy, even if that means without me. But how do I forgive myself for pushing away the biggest happiness in my life. I havent been happy since and no decent guy has come along since and I just feel depressed
Geishawhelk Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 So How do I move on in this situation? I feel like karma keeps getting me. I have learned my lesson and im a totally different person so how do I forgive myself for what happened between us and move on? I'm so glad you said that. Here's the breaking news: A lesson on Karma; Karma will always get you, because you create your own karma with the very first thought you have on anything. Karma is a process. it's just something that IS. it's not judgemental, it doesn't evaluate, criticise, coindemn or punish. Karma is a perpetuated state, because you're the one perpetuating it. The only way you can move on from this situation is to change the way you think, because that's what it stems from. You forgive yourself by having remorse, but growing from that, and gleaning the lesson. You change yourself because nobody else can. There is no 'Magic Formula', no Great Big Secret - you just DO IT. You don't forgive yourself by constantly going on a guilt-trip. It does exactly what it says: makes you feel guilty and trips you up. It keeps you were you are. Stagnating, wallowing and mournful. Now - move.
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Geisha speaks the truth. Heh Jessy you deserve much credit for actually being able to see your relationship was your fault for ending. If I had a dime for everytime someone here blamed their EX for breaking up, then I'd be able to buy this site. And then be rich as a result after that. I suggest you see a psychologist to talk about this. Especially the depression. Depression does not usually lift on its own. (Trust me. I suffered for 2 years thinking I'd just "get better"). Nothing wrong with seeking the help of a professional. I recommend it. Best wishes. You'll move on on your own once you have a leg up on depression.
alwayssme Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Girl, reading your post..it only made me think of two things.. 1) it's a good thing that you're able to recognize your mistakes and 2) i think you're beating yourself up over it alot... Why were you a bad g/f? Did you cheat or do anything really horrible? Were you always arguing with him? Believe I know the "guilt" it's horrible...sometimes I feel like I'm the victim and wonder "why did he leave me?" then there are times when i blame everything on myself...i had a really bad temper and did many hurtful things to my ex..but at the end of the day i apologized and i know it came from the heart.. i think when you have guilt, its the worst because u feel like it was your fault why he left..why your "happiness" left...but just know one thing..NOBODY IS PERFECT!! and hopefully this will make you feel a little better...i, just like you, feel as though at times i was a horrible g/f...but no matter what we did, its done...i know you are a much better person for it as so am i. I am so sorry to hear you're going through this...I say this because I know how it hurts and how hard it is..I look back at some things I did to my ex (they were bad) and I cry so much because I hurt him really bad. Then I think of things he did to me and how bad he hurt me and I think "well he doesnt seem to really care for hurting me, and he seems happy now..it seems like he has moved on so i shouldnt keep hurting myself. i apologized and thats all we can do...apologize and mean it. we cannot change whats done." You say you broke up with your ex a year ago? Did you ever get closure? Did you ever get to tell him how you felt?
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