adabada Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I've been dating someone for about just a couple of weeks and feel like we moved too fast into sex. Now everytime he texts or e-mails me its full of sexual talk and its an assumption that every time we go out we are going to go back to his place to have sex. He always wants me to meet him at his place no matter where we are going so we end up there at the end of the night. It makes me really uncomfortable and I think I already know the answer to my own question in that I need to talk to him and explain this but I guess my real question is if this is normal for a guy to completely sexualize everything all the time?? Can you really slow things down once they've gone this far?
Geishawhelk Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 You should have slowed things down before they got to this point....! Have you actually had sex with him already, and felt uncomfortable complying? That would be a baaaad thing..... This guy does seem to have a one-track mind..... if you haven't had sex yet, I bet I know what will happen when he finally gets his way..... Either you'll become a F**kbuddy, or you won't see him for dust. I think he's disrespecting you big time. but he doesn't know it though, does he?
Ayemtee Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I've been dating someone for about just a couple of weeks and feel like we moved too fast into sex. Now everytime he texts or e-mails me its full of sexual talk and its an assumption that every time we go out we are going to go back to his place to have sex. He always wants me to meet him at his place no matter where we are going so we end up there at the end of the night. It makes me really uncomfortable and I think I already know the answer to my own question in that I need to talk to him and explain this but I guess my real question is if this is normal for a guy to completely sexualize everything all the time?? Can you really slow things down once they've gone this far? Well did you make it clear to him that you want more than sex? If so why toss him the goods in just two weeks? Can you blame him for thinking its about sex? Let him know what your stance is. If he doesn't agree or doesn't seem to respect it then lose him.
Author adabada Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 we've been friends for several years and had our first "date" a couple of weeks ago so having had the history with him I let things move faster than usual but both of you raised very good points- I need to be clear with my boundaries!
LostNLonely Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 My last several relationships were ruined by "sex-addicted" women. Women who told me "I can't feel a connection to you until we..." What does this have to do with you? They were all in their early thirties and really didn't have much else to share with me, and if they did, they were only going to do so once they knew we were sexually compatible. In other words, our relationship was conditional, and I suspect, you've now formed a conditional relationship with your new guy friend. Call it a F-Buddy situation, or whatever else you want, but the chances are now, that it will not grow much beyond sex or run much deeper than the actual "penetration" itself. If your looking for a positive relationship with trust, caring and intimacy, you should first and foremost establish a friendship with your prospective partner. Once the clothes come off and the lights go out, with most men (I'm speaking as one myself), you've pretty much seen all your going to see in terms of the growth of your relationship. It's pretty hard to dial back the sex once we know it's easily available.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Everytime he starts conversing about sex have you tried politely changing the subject. Or when you two go out then don't give him the assumption that you are going back to his house. Its still possible to slow things down , but make sure he knows that its not all about sex.
CBR_pilot Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Sounds like exactly what the typical guy will do when allowed... Basically, it's up to you to talk to him about things, whether you choose to do it in a serious tone or in a playful manor... Either way, there should definitely be plenty of room for some kind of compromise.
Tomcat33 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Talk is cheap, I'm afraid you have already shown him you are ok with moving to the next level and going backwards for him will seem odd and it is odd. Never sleep with a guy until you are fully ready to do so because once you do you cannot go back to "unsleeping" with him. When you are intimate with someone you are saying "I am comfortable and ready for this next level of our rel" Anyway, what's done is done now. So if you feel totally uncomfortable with how he only expects sex, let him know you would like to do stuff instead. Suggest activities you can do outside the house and if he insisits on cutting activities short because he is too concerned with taking you home to poke you all the time then you might need to let this little ball of fire go, sex might be the only thing he has on his mind.
Ross PK Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Well, if he's young, there's your answer. If a guy is young he's probably only just started having sex for the first time in his life, so of course, he's going to want to do what he's been dreaming about for all those previous years, all the time. Just because you don't want to do it all the time doesn't mean you're a prude, it could just mean you're more used to having sex or you haven't got a high sex drive.
birdie Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 is if this is normal for a guy to completely sexualize everything all the time?? Can you really slow things down once they've gone this far? yes and yes. talk to him if you feel uncomfortable but it is completely normal for someone wanting to have sex all the time in the beginning. he probably can't believe his luck. if you want to slow down, tell him.
BentSpine Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Never sleep with a guy until you are fully ready to do so because once you do you cannot go back to "unsleeping" with him. When you are intimate with someone you are saying "I am comfortable and ready for this next level of our rel" I agree with TomCat. I wish you good luck though in your attempt to cut sex.
JoeNewbie Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Every time I start a new relationship, I have sex as often as I can. I have a decent sex drive and enjoy the same from my partner. I would not date a woman whose sex drive is significantly lower than mine simply because sex is such an important and pleasurable part of a relationship, especially a fresh one. I once dated a woman I was very much into. We talked about future plans, the whole nine yards. But unfortunately, that woman thought I was a pig for wanting sex on a daily basis. I thought I was perfectly normal. I don't want sex to be the only part of my relationship but it certainly is a very important component that I'm not willing to compromise on.
Trialbyfire Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 I've been dating someone for about just a couple of weeks and feel like we moved too fast into sex. Now everytime he texts or e-mails me its full of sexual talk and its an assumption that every time we go out we are going to go back to his place to have sex. He always wants me to meet him at his place no matter where we are going so we end up there at the end of the night. It makes me really uncomfortable and I think I already know the answer to my own question in that I need to talk to him and explain this but I guess my real question is if this is normal for a guy to completely sexualize everything all the time?? Can you really slow things down once they've gone this far? If you feel that the relationship is off to the wrong footing, the only thing you can do is to talk to him about it. If he's interested in getting to know you better, he'll back off and slow it down a bit. If he's only looking for a booty call, he'll wander off.
JoeNewbie Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 If you feel that the relationship is off to the wrong footing, the only thing you can do is to talk to him about it. If he's interested in getting to know you better, he'll back off and slow it down a bit. If he's only looking for a booty call, he'll wander off. Well, they've been friends for several years. At the start of the relationship, it would seem normal to me that the guy wants to have sex all the time. OP, why is it a problem? Do you not enjoy the sex or do you think it's wrong to think about sex that much?
You'reasian Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 If he is truly dating you, at this early stage, he should be picking you up at your place most of the time. So next time he asks you to get together, tell him to pick you up this time. Then, at the end of the evening, say you had a great time and you'll talk to him soon and head on in without inviting him in. Be really happy and positive. Just because you already slept with him, doesn't mean you are obligated to sleep with him every time. Then keep repeating the above until he gets the message. If he cares about you for more than just sex, then he will continue with you, if not, good riddance. He can pay for a prostitute. You should not be trotting over there at his beck and call, that is not dating. But if your just dating, does it mean you are exclusive? I've been told that its a woman's perrogative to have sex with whomever, wherever she'd like - but still want to be exclusive with the guy you aren't having sex with.
ladybugs Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 Sounds like exactly what the typical guy will do when allowed... Amen, the onlly thing i know of men is that their women dictate the way they behave. Its in your hand hun.
Geishawhelk Posted February 18, 2009 Posted February 18, 2009 I would think adabada's solved her problem by now..... This was back in December.....
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