confused79 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 My ex-fiance and I were together 5 years, engaged for 6 months, and have been broken up a year. We contined to live together in a two bedroom apartment for 9 months after the breakup. I told him about a month before I was going to move out that I wanted to get it another try. He said I was his best friend, he always will love me, but the desire wasn't there. At first I told him we couldn't have contact after I moved out. Then I told him we could be friends, which is what he wanted. So we have been friends. We go out to eat and to movies. We hang out and watch tv. Neither of us is dating anyone else. Well, we went out to dinner then back to my place to hang out. Then he started kissing me and it led to sex, which has not happened at all since our breakup. I was totally shocked and caught off guard. Part of me thought this was a bad idea, but I thought maybe it would help us get back together. At first he said I guess this is friends with benefits. Then he said where do we go from here? I changed the subject, because I was afraid of what he might say. It didn't feel like friends with benefits. It was better than when we were actually together. He said that we instigated it because we had been getting along really well and it had been a long time. Well, the day after we went to a movie. I tried to put the moves on him, but he said no. I am totally confused. Any advice? I think he is confused too. We broke up because I had a lot of issues and depression. I have since been working on those issues and I'm doing a lot better. I have totally changed my ways.
Geishawhelk Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Hmmmm....It's all on his terms, isn't it? Given that he seems to be doing things for his own enjoyment, and has no intention of being honourable, by the sound of it - I'd move in the opposite direction, and keep going.
Author confused79 Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Thanks for the reply. That is what my friends say. It seems like everytime I am ready to move on something happens. I decided on Sunday I was going to start dating again (my friends have been wanting to fix me up) and then he kisses me. He also wanted a key to my apartment. So he could come by and check on my cat when I was away or if I locked myself out. He wanted me to move out because he said he wanted to move on. It is like he tries to keep ties with me. I would like a guy's opinion on why he keeps sending me mixed signals. I forgot to put in my original post...He went through my phone to see who I was calling...he tried to answer my phone...when I told him I couldn't go to a store with him one weekend he wanted to know why and what I was doing...he acted jealous. I feel like I am living Katy Perry's song Hot & Cold.
trueblue72ny Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I think its the same whether its a girl or guy. i am sure he still has lots of feelings for you, but isnt sure if he wants to be with you. hence the on his terms kind of thing. i mean it does sound positive he is around and wants your key and everything. what i would keep in mind is are you just being used until he meets some one he likes? i guess you will have to play along for a few months and see what happens! if the relationship does not meet your expectations however you will never be happy.
BackonTrack2 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 your boyfriend is confused, leave him now. he'll come around, i guarantee it. also it sounds like your second best in his eyes... not good... he'll leave you in the future.
LexD Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 as a guy it sounds to me like he doesnt know what he wants.. he isnt mature enough. hes holding onto you as a back up, but is looking for something else. either you leave him or get ready for a heartbreak if he finds someone else and gets serious with them.
Geishawhelk Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 It sounds dangerously as if he has control issues too... checking your phone, are you serious??? Ok, you now should have a picture more clearly than ever, of what you need to do. And if you don't, you have it coming......
LexD Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 yeah, checking your phone seems pretty out of it to me, thats a serious lack of trust right there
eclipseIDE Posted January 3, 2009 Posted January 3, 2009 Thanks for the reply. That is what my friends say. It seems like everytime I am ready to move on something happens. I decided on Sunday I was going to start dating again (my friends have been wanting to fix me up) and then he kisses me. He also wanted a key to my apartment. So he could come by and check on my cat when I was away or if I locked myself out. He wanted me to move out because he said he wanted to move on. It is like he tries to keep ties with me. I would like a guy's opinion on why he keeps sending me mixed signals. I forgot to put in my original post...He went through my phone to see who I was calling...he tried to answer my phone...when I told him I couldn't go to a store with him one weekend he wanted to know why and what I was doing...he acted jealous. I feel like I am living Katy Perry's song Hot & Cold. Yeah hes trying to control you. He wants you only when it suits him. Best thing to do would be to cut all contact and not to be a push over. That just feeds his ego.I f you want to be with him I would tell him you either its all or nothing he cant have both.
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