FeedingOnFever Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 He was flirting with this girl before he and I broke up. For months, apparently. They'd webcam and chat it up and give each other overtures. He left me on December 4th. Three days later he had hooked up with her, and kept it a secret this whole time. She dumped her boyfriend to go be with my ex. (Her boyfriend was young and had never had a girlfriend before this slut. He was crushed.) Tons of people knew that he'd hooked up with her before me. They didn't say anything out of determination to keep neutral. I just found out tonight. I also just learned the term "emotional affair" tonight. So, chalk me up as one of those girls who's been cheated on. I count flirting with a girl with every intention of getting together with her while you are still with your SO as cheating. So do many people here. I cannot believe him. Apparently he was dry-humping her 3 days after he left me and came in his pants. Real classy. How do I hear these things? Because the slut can't keep her mouth shut in spite of the fact that my ex wanted to keep it a secret from me. So it got to me. I am so mad I am shaking. I cannot believe that he would disrespect me this deeply. I was not a perfect girlfriend. But I would have never done anything even remotely close to this to him. He did to me what his ex-girlfriend did to him; he cheated emotionally, then hooked up physically the second the relationship was over. He is a ****ing hypocrite. Someone please talk to me. I have never felt this betrayed and exposed in my life.
EmperorR Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Being cheated sucks I know ah to well, but you have to realize it's not your fault your slimy partner does not know the word commitment, at least you found our what scum he was before you got married and had kids. How is this girl contacting you? Is there anyway you can change your number?
Hersheys Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 First of all, sorry for what you're going through. I think the best thing to do now is to cease all contact from all these people giving you information or updates regarding your ex. While it is good (sometimes) to know the truth and what's going on BUT most of the time it is better to not know anything at all and be left alone to deal with the breakup. It's hard enough to deal with a breakup and get over the ex but much more so if you are left to deal with added information that will prove to be more harmful for you and your healing.
MWH Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I understand the feeling of utter betrayal that you are experiencing. I too agree that an affair, ANY affair, begins in the heart and it does not matter one iota whether there was sex or anything else- cheating is cheating, lying is lying, and betrayal is betrayal. People use lame excuses to condone their horrible behavior- "We didn't DO anything!" or "I did it to try to get out of the relationship". BARF! That's crap and we all know it. I'm sorry you had to experience such pain. you wold be wise to remove yourself from the ENTIRE circle of BS. You have to remove yourself from it in every way. You can only be dragged into the fray if you allow yourself to be dragged in. You don't deserve what you are getting but you do't have to sign up and get in line for it either. Cease contact with ANYONE who brings you info whether you ask for it or not. Only YOU can protect YOU. You deserve better but YOU have to make sure that you get it. Break the cycle and start taking care of YOU. if you have to dump some "friends" cuz they bring you info then they are NOT your friends. Wise up, step up, and step OUT. Peace, MWH
Author FeedingOnFever Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 I hate how complicated it is... the girl is blabbing to everyone about the relationship, and I've drawn my lines... basically said that no one is to breathe a word to me about either of them, unless it's to warn me that they're going to show up to an outing. Some of my friends are being neutral and cool in this situation, but the poisonous ones are mixed in with them (the ones who are telling me way too many details). I'd like to keep tabs with this group, because they are very fun to hang with, but I don't want these drama-mongers to harass me anymore. I've drawn my lines, so hopefully everyone respects this. I feel the overwhelming urge to confront my ex face to face. I have never been this angry in my life. I want to cut him to ribbons with my words, which I know I can. I want to make him feel like the lowliest, crappiest piece of lying, cheating filth on the planet and walk away from him forever to live with his conscience. I don't want to see the girl he's with, because I will probably kick her ass. But I want to tear my ex apart. The acquaintance told me last night that my ex was terrified of me finding out, because he knew he would probably lose my friendship. HA! That almost makes it worse. He KNEW that what he'd done was wrong, and that it would hurt me... but for all his pretty words about always wanting what's best for me, that was not enough for him to wait on his childish temptations. I know I shouldn't contact him. But my blood is boiling. I am so sick of letting people get away with walking all over me and hurting me. I've laid down and taken it all my life. I don't want to anymore.
Ezekiel1337 Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Dont call him. Be the bigger and more mature person. What's not fair about life is that no matter how good you are, people around you just arn't. My girlfriend of 3 1/2 years (since she was 15 and i was 18), exgirlfriend, had an emotional affair with someone while with me. When i called her after my last physiology final... i could tell she was pretending to still be sleepy (i had called at like 10, my test was at 8.) She did not sound sleepy, she sounded like she was faking the crackly voices. I called back and asked to see her outside her house and she said "NO" in a very astonished voice and hung up. She wouldnt answer the phone for a few minutes, and then when she finally answered she was in the car. I felt like my blood was at least 1000 degrees farenheit. I thought i was going to die of sheer anger. I was so mad i couldnt even scream loud enough into the phone. That is when she told me that she didnt want to see me and that the relationship was cold. Keep in mind this happened 2 weeks ago. Well, i finally got her to talk to me, and we drove around and talked and i calmed down. I know when she's lying, and she wasnt lying when she said she didnt cheat on me. She said she coudnt find the heart to tell me that we were falling apart. That was NEWS TO ME! Anyways, i still felt the betrayal even though they hadnt had sex. They had only kissed once. I still felt the gut wrenching feeling of deceit and jealousy. She broke up with me that day after tons of begging from my part. Well, after a day, 24 hours, she said she couldnt do it. That she couldnt stay away from me. That she wanted to fix things. Well, we tried. I went on a vacation to mexico last friday. Everything was FINE! We went on dates and i did everything how she wanted me to. She would tell me she loves me with all her heart. IT was real. The second night, she went out to a party, and i didnt want to be a scrooge so i left her alone to have fun. Well, the third day i was in mexico, she stopped answering calls and returning texts. I felt like i was going to faint all day long for the last day. I had to take so many pills to fall asleep. When i would wake up, i thought i was having a heart attack because of the anxiety, my heart felt like it was pumping pure battery acid. I quickly would try to forget and fall back asleep. When i finally talked to her the next day... she told me that she had fallen asleep because she had worked so late. I wanted to believe it, so i made it back home without flipping my car. Well, she didnt even come by after work when i got back to tell me she was glad i was back. Well, i knew that something was up. That night she said she was going home. Knowing that something was up i went to check if she was there, and as much as i prayed to see her car in the driveway... it was not. I called and called and text and text. I deserve to know where she is, dont I? Well, when i finally get A TEXT, not even a call, i find out that shes with her friends. She says to me "this is what i mean, your just always breathing down my neck." I DESERVE TO KNOW IF SHES OUT WITH HER FRIENDS DONT I?! I wouldnt have told her no, i just ask to know. Well she says she would call me the next day and didnt. Keep in mind we are now on monday. Monday she doesnt call me. I finally decide to end this myself. This was to much heart ache. When we finally talk, she says that she said she didnt miss me (as if missing someone was a measure of how much you love them... how childish.) Again, she assures me she didnt cheat on me. But i cant help but wonder. Well, i just broke up with her. But i didnt yell or get mad. I just let her know that this is her decision, and that i was the best boyfriend i could be... and that all i ask, is to please respect herself and not let people take advantage of her. No tears, no begging, just letting her go. I had to be mature. And since i let her go, she is now trying to text me that she hurts alot. She is hinting at getting back together. But i will have none of it. If she truely wants to be with me, then she must go through this, and understand with appreciation all what i have done for her in these 3 1/2 years. But it's not fair that i was so moral, and so virtuous, and so loving. All to literally have the rug pulled out from under my feet. I DIDNT SEE THIS COMING AT ALL!!! But what does being bitter and being the same way get me? I believe we must be moral and good for our own sake. Not because we want others to be that way. Be good because it is good. One day, we will meet people who have the same values.
Author FeedingOnFever Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 I'm sorry to hear your story. I think that an emotional affair is worse than a drunken one-night stand, by far. It's stupid, but I'm thinknig of the things he said to me... how it made him a little sad that I'm only an A cup. The new chick is a D, which is basically the only thing going for her. Stupid small things. I'm fighting back against the urge to bitch him out in time for the old year to end. The idea of them happy together tonight is ginding on me. He doesn't deserve his false happiness. Make sure you all go out and do something with people close to you. I'm not going to sit here and fall in and out of naps. I sure as hell deserve to have fun. I am not so weak that I need to hook up with the nearest available ass to feel validated. That's my ex's M.O., and I am determined to be happy without a man in my life right now. I am better than this. Happy New Years, LS.
sunshinegirl Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Pyro, I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I went through something very similar - you can look up old threads of mine from May to get more background. My final communique with my ex was a scathing letter I wrote him. I just needed to get some things off my chest and it was a dignified, but razor sharp message about how hurtful he had been. (His ex-wife had cheated on him... he turned around and cheated on me.) The blinding white rage you're feeling? I felt it too. It was awful. It has mostly passed now, but I must say there is still some part of me that feels shock about him cheating. Eight months later and my first thought about Eric is "I can't believe he cheated on me!" It's terribly damaging to one's sense of self and one's sense of the world. I'm better, much better, than I was six months ago. But I'm not 100% over it/him yet. So just be patient with yourself. Let yourself feel the blinding hot white rage, just don't do anything stupid. (((hugs)))
Hersheys Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 I hope you haven't contacted your ex yet. I agree with Ezekiel, be the bigger and mature person. I told my ex quite a mouthful when I could feel him pulling away and you know what, didn't change anything. Didn't change his feelings (he still went after what and who he wanted). Didn't change mine (no matter how much I told him I hate him, it was never enough and I was still a mess). I know you do not want to get him back but what I'm trying to get at here is that, I just wish now I could have handled things differently and kept my mouth shut instead. I think it's best to think things over and consider some things before you decide to contact him: Ask yourself if confronting him about it will be enough for you? Will you regret your actions when the 'dust has settled' and you're in a more relaxed state? Or will it even matter to you 6 months, 1 year from now?
DSM-IV Tom Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 That's disgusting as hell. I didn't need the details of what he did in his pants. This dude is a tool. Cease all contact. And I'd cut out some friends too.
Ezekiel1337 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Oh btw, for him to splooge in his pants.... man... that's just lame. Like, LAME!
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