Ezekiel1337 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 3 and a half years..... I never dreamed it would be like this. Im actually able to function, i always imagined myself laying on the floor incapable of activity. That or killing myself. Im doing good though. Im 21, and have been with her since i was 18, she was 15. Now shes 19 and im 21. Were still kids. It just hurts a lot. But im alot better than when she first broke up with me 2 weeks ago. See, what i am realizing is this. She has grown up with how i treat her. There isnt a thing in the world i wouldnt do for her. Not a damn thing. I have given her rides, cus her parents sold her car, i have supported her when her drug addict mom runs off and ruins her family every other week. I have helped her to get into college, where as before she was a high school drop out (i got her to get her GED). Im in the medical field, so i help her with her homework. Any favor she needs, i do it. No matter what she asks for, i get it. I would like to go on, but then im just trying to make myself feel better. I have accepted that i have to let her go... to experience the world without me. Although not many people will put the kind of effort i have into a relationship, mabey someone out there will. Mabey someone out there is willing to deal with her problems like i have, mabey someone actually is willing to listen to her incesesant stream of problems. She needs to grow. I have helped her get to where she's at, but she can go further, mabey im just holding her back. She texts me still... this is hard for her. She even drove by my street without telling me until later. We dont talk on the phone, its to hard. But we do text. Not alot though, mabey 4 or 5 in a day. I miss her dearly. But breaking up with her was what was best. She wasnt feeling the same way about us like i was. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago and i basically begged her to try and fix it with me. It wasnt working, ive accepted that now. So, i dont want to regret letting her go. I love her that much. I love her so much... i dont want her to be unhappy with me. Id rather her be happy without me. Ive been through many more relationships than she has. This i suppose is easier since ive had left people before, she hasnt had to break up with someone after this kind of relationship. But in retrospect, this is my first REAL relationship. I mean, we were sure we were gunu get married. I think she is finally mature enough to realize that this is not the stability she wants just yet. She needs to be free for a while. Whether she comes back or not, that should not be my concern. But, she needs to learn what different men are like. For a while we will compare everyone to eachother, but ... i hope that will pass for her as well as for me. I dont know if i could take her back after this. NOt because i hate her, but because that this will happen again. If she really wants to come back, i wouldnt actually ask her to go out and be single so she can experience it. She text me and told me her step mother relapsed again, so she left the house with some friends of hers ( one of the biggest probelms we had was that we didnt have friends during our relationship, just eachother... just not healthy) But i didnt say much more than im sorry. I dont want her to think that she can still run to me with her problems while my heart is broken. Because that would be like being with me without actually being with me. She really is a great person, but she really has never done this before. I wrote her a letter today, i dont know if i want to give it to her. What do you guys think? It is nothing accusing, or begging her to come back. They are my final thoughts. Plus a song we both really loved. The summary of the letter was bassicly to be careful out there. Also, that i did everything i could for her, and im sorry if it wasnt enough. Lastly, i explain that only time will show what it was that i actually did for her. Then at the end the song with lyrics. I will miss her... i will miss her a lot. She was my best friend... my lover... and it was because of her that i thought my life was perfect. I litterally woke up many days and said to myself "my life couldnt be any better... im a pre med student with good grades, my parents love me and support me, i have no medical issues, im a good kid, a christian kid, my girlfriend is gorgeous and she loves me for who i am, not what i am." I will miss saying that. Again, this doesnt hurt like it did 2 weeks ago. I can thank god for that at least..... i hope it lasts.....
Geishawhelk Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Go NC for a month to get over the initial shock of it all. Then, if you still feel like it, give her the letter and song, in a month. Total complete NC. Truly.
Author Ezekiel1337 Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Go NC for a month to get over the initial shock of it all. Then, if you still feel like it, give her the letter and song, in a month. Total complete NC. Truly. This is what is even harder to accept.... that i will wont know what is going on with her.... at all. I'm scared to cut off contact. I know if i dont talk to her, she will talk to me. By talk i mean text. Thats how it's been so far. Man.... this is so terrible, its not fair how life works. My heart tells me one thing, by my life says another. My life says this is right, my heart says its not. In the end.... no matter what i do it's going to hurt. She was so perfect... why. There is never a right time for this to happen, but like ive said in my last post, at least it wasnt during my finals or before i test. Being a doctor is my real passion. At least that has not been affected significantly yet (it has been affected though... not the BEST GPA i could have, but both my parents are doctors and pull strings to get me into med school) Mabey, its better that we are not together. So i can fullfill my destiny to a doctor like i dream of being.
majthoub Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I'm sorry to hear that about you, I know how much that feeling hurt you day after day you will realize that your life come better but you will not forget her for ever. Just try to not to remember her with good staff about her.
Author Ezekiel1337 Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 I'm sorry to hear that about you, I know how much that feeling hurt you day after day you will realize that your life come better but you will not forget her for ever. Just try to not to remember her with good staff about her. Thank you, She was wonderful... there is no getting around that. As much as I try to hate her, i can't. She did nothing to me ever... nothing that would make me hate her. She will for the rest of my life be my first true love. I always thought... just like very dumb kid... that we would be that one in a thousand couple to stay together and get married. We were sure of it. But... life has other plans for us. I think it was better that this all ended like this, while i still admire her, rather than becoming enemies and hating each other. Most girlfriends i have broken up with or that have broken up with me (none ever lasted more than a few months) became like Mir. Hyde when we split up. But not her, she has always stayed the same noble, beautiful, kind hearted, forgiving, passionate, intelligent woman. Never has she showed me a side i didnt know. But right now, she is so determined to be single. I remember all she would talk about was our children and marriage. This is SUCH a surprise, i would not believe it if you told me it would unless it happened, and it has. I want to believe something else is going on... but i don't know if that's me just trying to have something to hate about her. All i know, is that i did EVERYTHING i could possibly do, i will not kid myself and say i half assed this. I put my all into her, and i dont regret it. This is not my fault... she is going through this, and this is her decision... it was not my fault. I want to try and blame myself, but that's just so that i can pretend like i can just fix something about myself and then she will come back. But it's not my fault, therefore there is nothing i can do except let her go... God. She's so young, I know how guys her age work. But she has to find that out for herself.
Riffmeister General Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 This is what is even harder to accept.... that i will wont know what is going on with her.... at all. I'm scared to cut off contact. I know if i dont talk to her, she will talk to me. By talk i mean text. Thats how it's been so far. Man.... this is so terrible, its not fair how life works. My heart tells me one thing, by my life says another. My life says this is right, my heart says its not. In the end.... no matter what i do it's going to hurt. She was so perfect... why. There is never a right time for this to happen, but like ive said in my last post, at least it wasnt during my finals or before i test. Being a doctor is my real passion. At least that has not been affected significantly yet (it has been affected though... not the BEST GPA i could have, but both my parents are doctors and pull strings to get me into med school) Mabey, its better that we are not together. So i can fullfill my destiny to a doctor like i dream of being. Yeah, this is my primary issue right now too. I want to know what she's up to, for 6 months I knew her every move, and now I have no idea if she ever made it home safely! It's a massive change to take. I worry she'll forget me. She won't contact me cos I told her not to, but it doesn't stop me checking my emails every 10 minutes in hope. What's great is you have a passion, and you seem ultra-determined to become a doctor, and that's great. You have a really worthwhile focus in life right now, so use that as your life vest. We all think our ex's were perfect and irreplaceable, but one day, we'll meet that person who sweeps us off our feet and we won't know what hit us. We'll always feel a great fondness for them, but we can't mistake that for being in love with them.
Author Ezekiel1337 Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Yeah, this is my primary issue right now too. I want to know what she's up to, for 6 months I knew her every move, and now I have no idea if she ever made it home safely! It's a massive change to take. I worry she'll forget me. She won't contact me cos I told her not to, but it doesn't stop me checking my emails every 10 minutes in hope. What's great is you have a passion, and you seem ultra-determined to become a doctor, and that's great. You have a really worthwhile focus in life right now, so use that as your life vest. We all think our ex's were perfect and irreplaceable, but one day, we'll meet that person who sweeps us off our feet and we won't know what hit us. We'll always feel a great fondness for them, but we can't mistake that for being in love with them. See, now that feels good to hear. I hear you, i know there are other "fish in the see." The problem is, going through all this heartbreak again with others to find the "one." Here is the other problem, finding someone who actually loves me for who I am, not for what i am. Right now, I'm still in pre-med... not a doctor yet. But once i start working at the hospital, im afraid that women will like me for my title, not my heart. My ex was a true gem. Through thick and thin, poor and rich, sick and health, angry or joyful... she loved me. For who I really was. And i loved her for her. Our flaws were always able to be overlooked, because i could see her soul through her eyes, i knew the real her, which made her even more beautiful. Just to let you know, she just recently became as beautiful as she is. When i first got with her she was about a 7/10. She is a solid 9.5 now. And that is why i am mad. Because so many guys hit on her now that shes pretty. But im the one who loved her for who she really is before she got this beautiful. Its just not fair. But... no matter... i have to keep moving forward. I know what you mean by checking the email thing. My phone is so quiet without her, and i check it constantly to see if mabey i didnt hear it or didnt feel it vibrate. Mabey i might have missed a call, or a message. Sadly... no...
Riffmeister General Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 See, now that feels good to hear. I hear you, i know there are other "fish in the see." The problem is, going through all this heartbreak again with others to find the "one." Here is the other problem, finding someone who actually loves me for who I am, not for what i am. Right now, I'm still in pre-med... not a doctor yet. But once i start working at the hospital, im afraid that women will like me for my title, not my heart. My ex was a true gem. Through thick and thin, poor and rich, sick and health, angry or joyful... she loved me. For who I really was. And i loved her for her. Our flaws were always able to be overlooked, because i could see her soul through her eyes, i knew the real her, which made her even more beautiful. Just to let you know, she just recently became as beautiful as she is. When i first got with her she was about a 7/10. She is a solid 9.5 now. And that is why i am mad. Because so many guys hit on her now that shes pretty. But im the one who loved her for who she really is before she got this beautiful. Its just not fair. But... no matter... i have to keep moving forward. I know what you mean by checking the email thing. My phone is so quiet without her, and i check it constantly to see if mabey i didnt hear it or didnt feel it vibrate. Mabey i might have missed a call, or a message. Sadly... no... It's completely natural to feel like that. That no-one will love you in the same way she did, and that you couldn't possibly love anyone they way you did her. It simply isn't true tho, but the problem is, you don't get proof of that until it happens, so I think it's a bit of blind faith. I'm totally sure you're right, girls will find you attractive for being a doctor, but you need to give yourself more credit and realise you'll probably be able to spot those girls easier than you think. I'm similar in the fact I'm a guitarist in a band - girls find that hot (for some reason!), but I find it easy to spot them now. She'll realise one day that you loved her unconditionally, probably, rather sadly, when she's been hurt herself.
Recommended Posts