Darklegion Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Hi, This is my very first post here and I have been told this is a great community. I want to apologize in advance for such a long post. Anyway let me layout some details about myself. I have only dated two girls to this day. My first girlfriend was nothing but a nightmare, I know that is harsh to say but it is the truth. We constantly fought from day one, prior to dating we were awesome friends. Once we started dating the friendship turned into becoming enemies. Enough about the first relationship since that has nothing to do with how I am feeling. I met this girl though a friend because I was looking for a nice girl to hang around with and to have a relationship with. When I first met her, I was instantly attached she was exactly what I was looking for. A nice, kind, quiet girl that I know I could talk to once she got to know me. Naturally I am outspoken when I first meet someone and I think I instantly grabbed her because she wouldn't stop laughing at, in my opinion terrible jokes. I can remember exactly the first joke I told her... It had to deal with my horoscope, it blatantly said I was going to jail so I showed her and said 'You better be careful with me, since I am going to jail' and she just started laughing and wouldn't stop smiling. Fast forward... We dated for 2 solid years, I mean solid never arguing because we were always able to come to an agreement with our issues. I cannot tell you how many times I would side with her even though I did not want to do her plans at all. I always sacrificed for her because I knew she would do the same for me which she had. Countless times we were suppose to go on a date alone but she would invite her friends, in which I told her I did not mind when in reality that just screwed up my entire plan for that night. She always made me happy, when ever I would have an issue at my house I would just drive over to her and she would be able to put me in the best mood ever. Just laying there with her looking at me was a wonderful feeling. We didn't have a sex life because every time we talked about having sex she kept insisting she wanted to go on the pill. Yet, she did not want to go to the doctors to get prescribed for the pill. I told her that was not needed because there are other birth preventive measures we can take. We are both young (I am 19 and she is 18). It came time for me to start picking a college and I had no idea what I wanted to do. I kept telling her I wasn't going to go to college (I just started my own corporation this month). She insisted I had to go, so I went and decided to go to a school that was close to her so I would see her often. Keep in mind she is still in high school. Things were great until it came around to my birthday, this is when I just shattered and have not been able to put myself back together.... As my birthday approached she would hint at the fun activities we would be doing. I was really excited until I went to her house and noticed nothing she said was happening, this got me worried. And worried is how I should have been. She ended up breaking up with me on my god damn birthday! We tried to talk but I just fought a loosing battle trying to convince her to stay especially when she told me she has been planning on breaking up with me for 3 months... I had NO warning signs at all and did not expect this to happen. I left in anger and I have yet to talk to her since, my birthday is in October. I gave her everything I had emotionally, with her breaking up with me was the first time I had cried since the day my grandmother died... That was over 13 years ago. To date I still feel broken hearted, I have no desire to do anything anymore and I keep telling myself that this is all just a dream and I will wake up from it soon and everything will be back to normal, back to when I was happy and living my life with a girl that I truely loved. I never believed in love because of my first girlfriend but this girl I feel in love with and she kill me inside. I am not even the same person anymore because of her, I am no longer out going when I met people, I don't have any desire to go back to school, and now I don't even feel like I should treat women with as much respect as I had treated them in the past. I need some help on how to get my life back on track, so please help me. Thanks for reading all that.
starzphalling Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 wow, on your birthday...thats just downright mean. i do agree with her though, go to college, if you're busy with your corp. go to the community college near you, and take one or two elective classes that you find interest in. you may be surprised, and it can give you something new and exciting to explore. as for getting your life back on track, go back to a favorite hobby, read your favorite book again, do something to remind you of who you were before, but don't try to deny that you have changed and learned in between. you were with her for 2 years, and its only been two or three months since you were so considerately broken up with, so don't think that you have to be happy and perky about everything, i certainly wouldn't be, and aren't. as for your last comment. don't let one girl ruin all the rest, there's a lot of us in the world. yes, you're gonna find some horrible and evil ones, and then you're gonna find sincere and honest ones. don't let the bad ones ruin it for the rest of us. if you respect women now, keep going, don't let her change who you are, that's only something you can choose...and you better pick the right choice or im gonna get ya! thats all i got, i'm really here more for comic relief than good advice, oh and im here to wallow in my own self pitty, but thats about it. good luck and keep checking back, you'll get some good advice from the people here, they're great.
Riffmeister General Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Ah, all sounds so goddamn familiar! I also had NO warning whatsoever, so that makes the shock even harder to get over. Also with you on the thinking it's all a dream and I'll wake up from it sometime, but I know now it's not. There's a process, and different people walk it in different ways. There are other girls out there, you think there aren't cos you haven't been looking for 2 years. Everyone here will be able to associate with some part of your story as I can. Just know you're not alone, and joining this forum is one of the best (and bravest) things you could have done. Trust me on that!
Author Darklegion Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Thanks for the quick replies. It is just hard because the college I choose to go to... Just right down the street is the restaurant I asked her out so I am constantly reminded of her. Furthermore, it is the same college her mom has gone to and graduated from. I am staying in college and working with my corporation just so I can follow through on everything I had told her... I figure a college education and the experience of setting up and running my own corporation will be good for my resume some day. I told her I was going to own my own company and I have followed through with that. I told her the life I wanted to live with her but rather than live it with her I will be finding another girl when I finish off personal projects I have in mind. Starzphalling: I'm not going to disrespect girls because I am the kind of guy that wouldn't even hurt a bug. LOL. However, I wish I could go back to my favorite hobby which is playing baseball but I have damaged my shoulder and if I continue to play, I will need surgery, which is something I do not want to undergo. There is just so much I want to tell her right now, I wasn't even able to tell her how I felt right when she broke up with me. The only image I have in my head is her standing at the door of her house and me looking at her through my car window for the last time. I want to talk to her but I don't she has hurt me and I have never been hurt like this before. The amount of physical pain I have gone through doing stupid things cannot even come CLOSE to how I feel right now. The only good thing that has come out of this is I have just saved a bunch of money... No christmas presents, no birthday, no valentines to pay for. Her reasons for breaking up with me have me confused... She told me she has been stressed out about the relationship and felt like we were growing a part. The added pressure of applying to colleges and seeing if she gets accepted to them and the fact that she wants to go out of state for college has made her feel this way. She also said she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore. I tried to tell her we can just slow things down and just have fun, no need to be really serious but she just insisted to end it completely. I think just venting all this out here has helped tremendously because friends at home just give non suportive help.
Riffmeister General Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 There is an irresistible urge to get in contact, and I sent my ex an email with all my thoughts and feelings in it so I wouldn't look back and regret not saying something. It didn't get her back, but at least I know SHE knows what's going on in my head. As for reasons for the breakup, there was a thread earlier about it and I think it'll help you. The answer isn't what you want to hear, but it goes something like "You'll never know the full truth, sometimes even they don't."
Author Darklegion Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 I think an email is what I will send her, I think I have to wait a little longer. I know right now I cannot have her back, I can't allow myself because she has hurt me terribly. I think the reason I am feeling this way is because I have not told her how I am feeling. I think what I am looking for is some type of closure so I can move on and be happy again. It gets hard because her younger cousins have become like brothers to me, especially her one cousin who is in to baseball and would call me up to talk baseball. People who know me personally know baseball was my life until I got injured.
Recommended Posts