You'reasian Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Hi everyone! First of all, I’m new to the forum. I have been nosing around for the last few hours due to the fact that I broke up with my girlfriend today. I must admit I feel extremely guilty because of it and I’m trying to figure out if I did the right thing. That wasn’t my intent when we first started talking. We have been dating for thirteen months and living together for the last eight. I was never 100% attracted to her physically but she has always provided stimulating conversation. I kept an open mind in hopes that the physical aspect of our relationship would grow in time. Well, I wasn’t as lucky as I had hoped. In the last two months I have grown less and less attracted to her in fact. I decided it was time to pull the plug. I mustered up the courage to deliver the news to her thinking that honesty would be the way to go. I tried to be gentile about it but, there really isn’t a polite way to say it. I tried to be as respectful as possible. It really didn’t go very well. Every girl I have dated has always been on the physically fit to slender side. My girlfriend (ex, I guess you would say… just sounds weird) is a bit “thicker” than what I am accustomed to. I have done my best to look past it and see the inner beauty. I really do love her and it absolutely killed me to tell her this. To make a long boring story short, she is moving out while I am out of town because she can’t stand to be in our apartment where our life has been for the last eight months. The last thing she said to me is “you took my heart, Michael”. My god, that about killed me. Did I do the right thing? I thought it was best but now I feel sooo terrible. Any feedback would be much appreciated. Wow, that sucks. Sorry to hear about that, she's probably beat up over it. I think most of us are comfortable enough with ourselves, atleast from a physical standpoint, but hey if you absolutely need a thin, attractive woman - then best of luck for you to find her.
You'reasian Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 He's kind of screwed if he answers this because there is no "objectively" large. Let's say you're a "fit" size 6....so if he says "she's a size 6, but that is too large for my personal sexual preferences, I'm not attracted to that" then you are going to call him an a**hole weirdo because he likes very thin women, and in his own personal preference arena, size 6 is too 'thick' for him. If he says size 12 or higher, you're going to say 'OK, I understand, she is a big girl, nothing wrong with you desiring her to lose some weight.' . I think he flat out stated that he doesn't like bigger women or atleast women that he thinks are too fat in his own opinion. Aren't we entitled to our own opinion of what we find attractive and the freedom to persue that?
Confusedalways Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Michael you did the right thing, for sure. I don't think you were shallow, but if you could do it all over again I suppose you shouldn't have waited so long to break up with her. It isn't wrong to date someone who you don't flat out think is ugly in hopes of finding them attractive eventually. You tried, it didn't work, it's over. I wouldn't want to be dating someone who wasn't attracted to me physically and was just crossing his fingers hoping he would be one day. You did what you could.
Author wateraholic Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 Confusedalways, thank you for seeing it for what my intentions were. I agree on the whole time frame issue but, in all honesty, I needed to give it enough time to be certain. I honestly do love her for the person she is. In hind sight, I have learned that physical attraction is extremely important and much needed in a relationship from the start. This was a first for me. I have learned a very valuable lesson and will use a little more caution before attempting this in the future. Oregon Beaver, as you noticed, I didn’t bother to reply to the question about her size. First of all, I have the utmost respect for this woman and would never want to be disrespectful towards her in any way. I don’t think that her specific size is relevant here. The point I attempted to make was; she is too thick for ME. A size 6 or 12 may be fine for some. A size 0 or 3 maybe better for others. The point is, no matter what her size, it wasn’t right for me. I felt no reason to indulge in that person’s curiosity. In all honesty, I believe that there is something for everyone that has read this or has known someone else who has been through the same to learn here. I gave it my best at trying not to look at the outside and enjoy what is on the inside. If I would have wrote, I hooked up with her cause she was a hottie and later on found out she was dumber than a box of hammers, then I would have been called shallow. I go out of my way for someone who I know for a fact is amazing on the inside and truly believe I can look past the outside because the inner beauty is so gripping, I’m called a bastard. Where is the middle ground? How many of us “settle” because we don’t take that leap. We don’t venture into the world of uncertainty when it comes to love? We all do it. Every relationship. The only difference here is I didn’t have a reason that was so easy to come and say like, you’re a bitch or she was psycho. I told her I wasn’t attracted to her. Not an easy task for anyone with a heart.
Author wateraholic Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 Oregon Beaver, I guess that wasn't as clear as it sounded in my head. I understand it wasn't you that asked for her size, I understand your on my side. Sorry about the confusion. I didn't want to single anyone one my friend.
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