PrincessPeach Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 No, I don't paricularly like or agree with the three day rule. But I don't see what the big deal about it is either. Do I see guys use it? Sometimes. If they are using something they have 'learned' to do, whether is correct or not, to try to attract women, then at least you know they care enough or want to attract you. I don't see what the big turnoff is. We women play games all the time... and we are much, much better at it then they are. Most women play games, and I think some of you are being dishonest with yourselves when you say you don't. You might not think of what you are doing as 'playing games' with them. You justify it off some other way. Why do you think magazines like Cosmo exist? It's full of that sort of thing and women of the world eat that stuff up. We talk about boys with our girlfriends. Isn't this in a sense planning things out or playing games? Our planning out and game playing may be different then theirs, but we have a different role we want in the relationship then they do. Why do both genders think it's wrong for the other gender to play games and completely dismiss that in themselves? Whether it's intentional or not, subconscious or not, almost all of us play games. It's a fact of life. Playing games can be fun (some of them). They are called games after all. Call it whatever you want, but girls and guys both play games in the world of attraction. It's how things are. Because they wait three days to call you does not mean they are just some robot. They might be. But there is a very good chance they are not. A man is not defined by how long he takes to call you after first getting your number. A woman who thinks so is more shallow than the men trying to use these rules to get women. I'm a woman, I play games.
tincanman99 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Its interesting that women are saying they hate the waiting but experience shows otherwise. I have heard or read some guys saying to wait 7-9 days which I think is ridiculous but waiting a few days and pacing it out is not a bad thing. On one hand I see women saying that if a guy is too eager its a total turn off. And than its dead. Nobody wants somebody who is too eager. Its like that old saying "I dont want to be a member of any club where they want me as a member" . On the other hand a guy who calls right away is decisive and is supposedly capable of being a stand up guy. So which is it? Many times you make the call the woman wont pick up anyway or call you back. They make you call multiple times and jump through hoops to get in touch with them. I am sure some women here have read "The Rules" where they openly advocate making the guy's life tough. So how is pacing it out a bad thing?
bozwa Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Its interesting that women are saying they hate the waiting but experience shows otherwise. I have heard or read some guys saying to wait 7-9 days which I think is ridiculous but waiting a few days and pacing it out is not a bad thing. On one hand I see women saying that if a guy is too eager its a total turn off. And than its dead. Nobody wants somebody who is too eager. Its like that old saying "I dont want to be a member of any club where they want me as a member" . On the other hand a guy who calls right away is decisive and is supposedly capable of being a stand up guy. So which is it? Many times you make the call the woman wont pick up anyway or call you back. They make you call multiple times and jump through hoops to get in touch with them. I am sure some women here have read "The Rules" where they openly advocate making the guy's life tough. So how is pacing it out a bad thing? You make some good points, and I think you're accurate in the roller coaster of what women SAY they want and what they ACTUALLY want. But I think that each individual woman is different. Some play games, some do not. Some enjoy the games men play, some do not. Some expect it, some do not.
Balthazar Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 The problem with the 3 day rule -nowadays- is that everybody(as Stargazer mentioned) has associated it with SWINGERS and playing games when actually Nemo gave a very good explanation of why some time is needed. After a first date, one or both of the people may need time to think things through. "Attraction fermenting" is not a bad analogy at all. Furthermore, we mustn't forget that many women are always stating that "neediness" on the man's part is a turn off. Thus, it probably isn't a good idea to call the next day. But I always call 2-3 days after - if I am interested. At the end of the day, if a woman is into you, 3 days is nothing, and most should not cut a interesting prospect loose so easily.... Happy New Year's to all by the way!
Balthazar Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 That's all well and good, but why three days in particular? Maybe you go on a date and it takes ONE day to decide you'd like to see someone again or not. Do you still wait two more just to f with some gal's head? No, you call when you think it is right to call. If that is after a day or after 3-4 days, so be it. Let's turn this around. Let's say a guy calls you 30 minutes after your date to tell you how great it was and to ask you out again. What thoughts would be going through the minds of most women about this guy? Are they positive or negative thoughts?
BlueHarvest Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 No, you call when you think it is right to call. If that is after a day or after 3-4 days, so be it. Let's turn this around. Let's say a guy calls you 30 minutes after your date to tell you how great it was and to ask you out again. What thoughts would be going through the minds of most women about this guy? Are they positive or negative thoughts? Not to devolve into the usual internet forum banter but ... QFT. Most women, if a guy called 30 mins after a date, would think the guy is "too clingy" and would cut him off after that. I completely agree that most men don't "play the game" because they feel they are trying to mess with women's heads...they "play the game" because if they don't get incorrectly labeled as "clingy" or "needy".
EYECANDY000 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 everybody wants a little challenge. If you are still in the beginning stage no one wants everthing handed to them. or so i dont. but first a guy has to call for there to be a challenge. like i stated earlier, if i havent heard from a guy in 3 to 4 days then they are not an option.
Tomcat33 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 For the perfect scenario for a how a guy should approach me is this: We go out on a date and hit it off, he either texts me the next day or calls to let me know he had a great time and wants to do it again. Now if we have not been out on the first date yet and he just has my number then I don't expect him to call right away and I am ok with that. If a guy calls me 30mins after the date for a quick call or sends me a text I would love that he is that spontaneous and would be great to know he is thinking about me as much as I am thinking about him. What I don't want is to see him again right away the next night, I like to pace it and the in between until we see each other again is fun. I like the the anticipation of when we will see each other again. I would not want to see a guy three nights in a row for example in the early stages. Once a week is plenty for me and it's not a game, it is my natural comfort zone. But getting a call or a text right away after a good date is ideal. If he takes three days to make any sort of contact after a good date I would severly question his level of maturity and spontinaety and that would turn me off.
Perry Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 It's not really a game, but it is mainly done by clueless guys who think they should do this as not to appear desperate, needy. And to show that they have a life. Stupid? You bet.
Author Trialbyfire Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Let's turn this around. Let's say a guy calls you 30 minutes after your date to tell you how great it was and to ask you out again. What thoughts would be going through the minds of most women about this guy? Are they positive or negative thoughts? Balt, here's what I've experienced. Arrangements are usually made at the end of the night of the previous date. If there's some question about time, etc., the plans are firmed up the previous night, or the morning of the next date. If a guy calls 30 minutes after the first date, that's cool too, up to the next afternoon. I've yet to experience any guy calling later than that. If he did, that says to me he's either playing games or is uncertain. I don't like uncertainty. Either piss or get off the pot.
kashmir Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I've never followed that rule consciously. There was this one time that I got a girl's number (a girl who would always look at me and smile at me). I told myself, "Cool, maybe I'll call her tomorrow to ask to go to lunch." Then hell broke loose the next few days and I totally forgot about her. I then called her that weekend (I think 4-5 days after getting her number) and I got no answer. I left it at that. She might have thought that I was playing games, because like I said she always would smile at me even before I ever said a word to her. I think she might have been playing games herself though, since she still gives me a bubbly smile whenever she sees me. People always confuse me with this BS. My brother always tells me to wait 3 days, and he's in his 30's. One time I was with this group of girls friends and was talking with them about this girl whose number I got the prior night. I said I wanted to call her that day, but they insisted I wait 3 days....GIRLS said this. I didn't listen to them. That girl was a flake anyway, though.
Isolde Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 If I like a guy, him calling soon is a turn on. If I don't like him, why would I like him better if he waited several days? If someone called me 3 days post date, I would still go out with them. If it was more like a week, I probably wouldn't unless they had a convincing excuse.
Citizen Erased Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 It would make me think less of their ability to not be a moron and also make me think their interest in me is less than worthy of me dwelling on. Next!
tincanman99 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 That comment about calling 30 minutes after a date in that it is ok and that it shows you are interested in her is not the norm I suspect. The reason I say this is I have done this a few times and most women have balked and assumed I was needy or clingy. Than they usually cut off contact even after we had a good time. Its not so much that I was needy or clingy, it was that I LIKED YOU. Duh. Every time I have done this it was to set up a date like 3-5 days later. Never the next day. That being said I never do it anymore because of the negative reactions I get. I go on the date and maybe call or email in the next day or two but never the same night - EVER. It may be stupid but if you call too soon you are not perceived correctly. Most of the time negatively. Unfortunately all of this posturing about being needy has forced me to cool my jets and not show interest. BTW, just so everyone knows this posturing about neediness/clingyness is strictly an American dating trait. When I lived in Europe the Italian women I saw expected you to show interest and pursue them relentlessly. If you were cool to them they assumed you were gay or there was something wrong with them. They expect romantic tokens and gestures which we are not accustomed to in the US. I learned quick from relatives you either played it their way or it was not happening.
OpenBook Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 That comment about calling 30 minutes after a date in that it is ok and that it shows you are interested in her is not the norm I suspect. The reason I say this is I have done this a few times and most women have balked and assumed I was needy or clingy. Than they usually cut off contact even after we had a good time... I never do it anymore because of the negative reactions I get. I go on the date and maybe call or email in the next day or two but never the same night - EVER. It may be stupid but if you call too soon you are not perceived correctly. Most of the time negatively. I actually agree with this, at least in the beginning stages. You're both dealing with an unknown quantity. So every action you take is read and interpreted by the other party. It's all you've got to go on! If you call right after you've dropped her off, it could easily be misinterpreted as a sign of clinginess, and she (I) could feel overwhelmed by too much, too soon. Calling 1-2 days later is great, because it shows you're thinking about her, she's on your mind even after the good vibes from the date wear off... but you're still keeping your life going, you've got it under control. However, after 3 days and no call, I assume he's cooled way off me and that means I keep moving along. Rollin rollin rollin, keep them doggies rollin.:bunny: And if I do hear from him after that, I'm a little cool with him, and definitely too busy to see him for at least the next two weeks.
kashmir Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 BTW, just so everyone knows this posturing about neediness/clingyness is strictly an American dating trait. When I lived in Europe the Italian women I saw expected you to show interest and pursue them relentlessly. If you were cool to them they assumed you were gay or there was something wrong with them. They expect romantic tokens and gestures which we are not accustomed to in the US. I learned quick from relatives you either played it their way or it was not happening. Man, I've gotta move to Europe some day, Italy in particular. Beautiful women who are direct and don't **** around...exactly what I'd like.
johan Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Italian men are raving to each other about how great American women are. No one gets too wound up about Canadian women though.
kashmir Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 No one gets too wound up about Canadian women though. Oh, like Geddy Lee?
Tomcat33 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 BTW, just so everyone knows this posturing about neediness/clingyness is strictly an American dating trait. When I lived in Europe the Italian women I saw expected you to show interest and pursue them relentlessly. If you were cool to them they assumed you were gay or there was something wrong with them. They expect romantic tokens and gestures which we are not accustomed to in the US. I learned quick from relatives you either played it their way or it was not happening. I totally agree with that comment, I lived in south america for a while and guys as women are exactly like what you described of Italy. The thing is that women tend to deal with the unwanted attention better even if they are not interested in the guy because ALL men have to do that in order to get ahead, and women think far less of men who are not agressive. But here our standards are not like that at all, a lot of women ONLY welcome agressive persistent behaviour from the types of men that they are into, from other men they tend to get annoyed and if a guy gets shut down a few times doing that with the wrong girl he will err on the side of caution next time and play it safe for fear of annoying a woman. In dating cultures like Europe or as in SA all men HAVE to act like that or else they are seen of as too shy and they will get nowhere in dating.
tincanman99 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Italian men are raving to each other about how great American women are. No one gets too wound up about Canadian women though. Not to be crude or a put down in any way but the reason men in Italy like American women is they are generally regarded as being easy. They throw on the charm, sweet talk complete with accent and than they take you to a restaurant and the next thing you you know they are in the sack. Native Italian women are used to the rap and the hard sell and know all the tricks. They generally regard the men as dogs (in a good kind of way) just looking to hook up.
tincanman99 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I totally agree with that comment, I lived in south america for a while and guys as women are exactly like what you described of Italy. The thing is that women tend to deal with the unwanted attention better even if they are not interested in the guy because ALL men have to do that in order to get ahead, and women think far less of men who are not agressive. But here our standards are not like that at all, a lot of women ONLY welcome agressive persistent behaviour from the types of men that they are into, from other men they tend to get annoyed and if a guy gets shut down a few times doing that with the wrong girl he will err on the side of caution next time and play it safe for fear of annoying a woman. In dating cultures like Europe or as in SA all men HAVE to act like that or else they are seen of as too shy and they will get nowhere in dating. This is a true statement. The women in Italy are used to aggressive males that pursue them relentlessly and show them all kinds of attention. The high level of attention is normal there. If you dont do than there is something wrong with you. The women are so used to the attention that if you dont do it they automatically assume something is wrong. They dress to attract attention as well. They wear all kinds of colors and provocative things that people would not dare wear here in the US especially in an office. Everyone thinks they are in an Armani ad . The US is much more low key and subdued. So subdued that I have read over and over again about women complaining that the men are not approaching them. But if you show them to much attention than you are clingy. Cant win, I tell you .
marlena Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 I'm not Italian but close enough. Women here also expect the grand gesture and are attracted to men who are assertive and relentlessly pursue the object of their affection. Anything falling short of that is considered sissyish and very unappealing. Native Italian women are used to the rap and the hard sell and know all the tricks. They generally regard the men as dogs (in a good kind of way) just looking to hook up. This is also true. Women are so used to the hit and the chase and know how to either reciprocate or ward it off as gracefully as possible. They dress to attract attention as well. They wear all kinds of colors and provocative things that people would not dare wear here in the US especially in an office. Everyone thinks they are in an Armani ad Also true. Women here do not hesitate to accentuate their sensuality by dressing provocatively. Usually, it's done in good taste but sometimes they do tend to go a bit overboard. Not to be crude or a put down in any way but the reason men in Italy like American women is they are generally regarded as being easy. This was true in the past when women here were very conservative. Nowadays, American women are thought to be puritanical as far as sex is concerned.
Ariadne Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Every time I went out with a guy that was interested, they´d call immediately after getting the phone number, after date, etc. Most of the times they arranged a date at the end of the date.
bozwa Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Once again, every woman is different in what they would want or how they would perceive things. My current BF, when we first started dating, called very quickly after the first date and continued to call very often after that. And I loved it. I didn't view it as clingy. He was very interested in me and pursuing more with me. I loved every minute of it. If I were someone else, maybe that would have turned me off.
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