smiiiley Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I feel so embarrased to even write about this but I'm hoping that somebody can help me understand myself. It has been 5 months since my ex left me..now i know that should be enough time for me to be over him but im not. I want to write my full story so you guys can get a perspective of how I'm feeling and please help me out with any way u can. I was with him for 2 years..I was never the type to fall in love..actually i never understood why others cried over it and was not exactly the emotional type. When me and him started dating, at first I wasnt that much into him..i was the kind of girl that had her guard up and unfortunately i ended up hurting him alot of times. Then somehow i fell in love with him..we were spending every second of every day with each other..we stood home cooking for each other, laying down and holding each other, spent nights together, went out to restaraunts, met each others families, went on vacations together...we were best friends, our sex life was good... we argue and he would show up at my house with flowers apologizing...we would start crying and promise each other to never let go of one another...im not saying our relationship was perfect but it was really good for a long time. Then all of a sudden he starts going to clubs and tells me he feels weird about us lately... breaks up with me, then comes back to me saying he made the biggest mistake and he loves me...two months later, he breaks up with me again!!!! and this time it was final...after that i begged and cried...even ended up having sex with him...he changed sooo much, he completely cut me out of his life and acts like i never existed...how can this be when in the past he was so into me for two years?? I love him so much, i know i have lost him but it still hurts like hell...i cannot even put it into words but i feel so empty, like a part of me is missing...i cant even imagine another guy touching me...im so hurt at his actions...its been 5 months and I have become a shadow of who i used to be...i dont know what to do...i wonder if its normal to feel so much pain...please somebody help me!!!
starzphalling Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 first thing first. DO NOT BE EMBARRASED ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS!!! now that i have gotten that out.... ok, so i don't know what you're going to get from everyone else but this is what i got for you. Yes its normal. I was with someone for 8 years, he broke up with me, saying that he just needs some time. Me being retarded, answered his calls, went to his house, nothing changed except that he considered himself single (and yes had sex with him thinking well this will work......sooooo stupid of me). this went on for almost a year, which by the way i include in our relationship time...because as far as i was concerened we were still together. Eventually found out he had tried to get with two other girls in this time, and was rejected...so never technically cheated on me...either way enough back story. the point that im getting to here is i was with him for 8 years. we split up in 2005, and were completely apart as of dec./jan, and it took me until sept. 4th of this year to be completely over him. and yes i know its strange that i know the date, but i write a lot and happened to have the journal its in on the bookshelf by me lol. and i can pinpoint it as the day i got over him, because i had a dream about him, and in my dream i walked away from him, and i woke up feeling free and happy. normally when i would dream of him, i'd wake up feeling like crap, and like i was reliving everything all over again. so all in all, it took me 3 years to get over my 8 year relationship. there is nothing that says this happens in any amount of time, you find your own way. as long as you are not quiting on your life, its ok to hurt. just don't give up on being you, and just keep trucking. you didn't really say what you have in your life, but find something you love to do, and do it. don't think about love, try as hard as possible to not think about him (i know...yeah right), and immerse yourself into you. and it will happen in its own time (unless you are seriously not leaving your room and eating yada yada yada, then you might want to find somoene to talk to proffecionally).
Riffmeister General Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Wow, that's pretty brutal. I can help you on the parts that relate to my situation, cos I'm going through the same thing. We all heal at different rates, and 5 months is by no means an unusual amount of time to still be grieving. It sounds like a similar situation to mine, although mine was the long-distance version. We emailed, video called and texted ALL the time, and she was the person I had most contact with. You were the same by spending a lot of time together. What I've realised is I don't miss HER per se as much as I think, I miss her company and the fact she stopped me feeling lonely. Now, the realisation is that this role can be fulfilled by more than just 1 person, although right now, you feel like it's only him. That gives me hope of finding someone else and that I can get through this with mates around. I cling to the hope right now that she realises she made a mistake by picking the other guy (her probable motives lead me to believe there's a chance), but your man came back, and then breaks up with you 2 months later. Well, maybe he came back because he suddenly felt alone, scared, like he'd given up the only person that will love him etc etc, and with the benefit of perfect hindsight, it probably wasn't a good idea to get back with him (although I cannot blame you 1 iota for wanting to). I truly believed, that with all our history and her telling me she liked me from the moment we met, that she'd never leave me, or at least not for another guy, so I'm going through the exact same questions of 'how can they just change their minds like that?!' Truth is, we'll never get an answer. I can't tell you what you should do to feel better, but I know with me, rationalising why she meant so much to me has helped me see she isn't the only person in the world that can give me that, and that gives you hope.
OCCDAVE Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I know how u feel and what ur going through.my gf of 2 and half years dumped me a month ago.we were ok even went ring shopping then the next day bam stay away from me.I tried to make her change her mind she left no explanation at all.to make things worse following week she had a new bf so im left not knowing much.so as u can see my ex also all of a sudden had a change of heart despite a day before we were cuddling and stuff.I wish I could give better advice just letting u know ur not alone sigh
Author smiiiley Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 thank u so much to all you guys who answered..it helps to know i'm not the only one...i hate hurting like this though...i saw him flirting with some girl on myspace (he liked her for a long time b4 he met me) that felt like a knife through the heart because she caused so many problems in our relationship and now he talks to her again??? i felt sick to my stomach i have not looked at his myspace in weeks now and plan on doing that but i have too many unanswered questions...im doin NC because im trying to "listen" to others advice...i feel angry, sad, used, lied to, betrayed, i miss him, i love him and i hate him all at the same time...i want to fill this void he has left in my heart...how do i do that?? how do i move on?? God I want to be happy again, i feel weak and vulnerable everytime i talk about these emotions...i was taught you have to be strong but this heartbreak has drained all my energy...
Riffmeister General Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 thank u so much to all you guys who answered..it helps to know i'm not the only one...i hate hurting like this though...i saw him flirting with some girl on myspace (he liked her for a long time b4 he met me) that felt like a knife through the heart because she caused so many problems in our relationship and now he talks to her again??? i felt sick to my stomach i have not looked at his myspace in weeks now and plan on doing that but i have too many unanswered questions...im doin NC because im trying to "listen" to others advice... Delete him from it altogether. The hardest thing I've done so far, but it stops me a) being tempted and b) losing contact with my friends cos I don't dare go on it! i feel angry, sad, used, lied to, betrayed, i miss him, i love him and i hate him all at the same time...i want to fill this void he has left in my heart...how do i do that?? how do i move on?? God I want to be happy again, i feel weak and vulnerable everytime i talk about these emotions...i was taught you have to be strong but this heartbreak has drained all my energy... Thanks for summing up perfectly how I feel.
OCCDAVE Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 God I want to be happy again, i feel weak and vulnerable everytime i talk about these emotions...i was taught you have to be strong but this heartbreak has drained all my energy...That sums up me as well and dunno about you but i gave my ex the world and i dont think i can give my heart to someone and risk getting hurt .
Riffmeister General Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 That sums up me as well and dunno about you but i gave my ex the world and i dont think i can give my heart to someone and risk getting hurt . Yep, exactly that too.
starzphalling Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 i feel angry, sad, used, lied to, betrayed, i miss him, i love him and i hate him all at the same time...i want to fill this void he has left in my heart...how do i do that?? how do i move on?? God I want to be happy again, i feel weak and vulnerable everytime i talk about these emotions...i was taught you have to be strong but this heartbreak has drained all my energy... i grew up the same way, "i'll give you something to cry about" heard that more than enough, so i understand how you feel awkward talking about feelings openly, but its good no matter what the back of your brain tries to tell you. as for the rest of it, i say freeze him like they did hans solo, and keep him under your bed. solves every problem. and if you don't want to go that far, just keep posting, and getting the feelings out. if you bury them, one day they'll come to the surface like an old tire. live through the pain, eventually you'll come out the other side.
againstallodds Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I was never the type to fall in love..actually i never understood why others cried over it and was not exactly the emotional type. When me and him started dating, at first I wasnt that much into him..i was the kind of girl that had her guard up and unfortunately i ended up hurting him alot of times. At the beginning you were a challenge to him. He couldn't have you but after he got you he become bored. Maybe he's the type that get bored easily. If that's the case then you don't want to be with him.
electriclove Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 How old is your ex? He sounds flakey to me and if he's young the likelihood is that maybe he was starting to feel tied down. My ex was the same. He told me just before the breakup that he had commitment jitters. In hindsight when I look back at his behaviour before we broke up it was slightly strange. He was getting really panicky about turning 24 and he had a lot of hang up's about getting older. At the time I didn't think nothing of it really, apart from that he was being an idiot, but when I see and hear about his life now it all starts to make sense. Ever since the relationship ended he's been out with his friends going to clubs and bars. He's also started hanging out with a lot of girls, which he never did before. It's almost like he's rebelling against everything we had. I'm thinking this will get old real quick. The point is that my ex doesn't know what he wants, he even admitted this to me. He felt confused and his behaviour towards me during the break up confirms this because he messed me about. First he wanted to break up, then he wanted to make it work, then he changed his mind again...my brain hurts reliving it all! This doesn't sound too dissimilar from your ex. His behaviour suggests he's confused. But you need to remember these are his issues not yours. There were so many times after the break up when I blamed myself for things that had happened but now I realise that's ridiculous. Sure, I did make mistakes and I was certainly no angel, but he didn't know what he wanted and wanted out because everything wasn't all sunshine and rainbows anymore. Or whatever the expression is. My ex said when we broke up that he didn't think we had a future together. We'd got to the point, after having been together for 3 years, where it was either hang or cut loose. I knew this but really didn't want to face the reality... Don't feel embarrassed that you haven't moved on yet. I am nowhere near over my ex and its been nearly 3 months. But I realise that I need to give myself time and just be patient. I think its also a case of what you do with your time that really matters. You need to focus on yourself right now, as hard as it is, and make the best of what you can out of a really tough situation.
EmperorR Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Don't ever be embarrassd about your feelings. I know exclactly how it feels, heck I still have feelings for a woman who cheated on me kicked me to the curb and is already win a new man. I don't even remember my life before her, everyday I wake up she just seems to Haunt me. Whenever I feel that I'm over her I find a picture of a card I didn't throw out and feel like crap again.
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