Joker77 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I've decided that I'm going to vent as much as I can before midnight tomorrow. After that, I'm not investing any more time thinking about her. I can't believe it's been four weeks already.
calculus Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Well I have a private, online journal where I did most of my venting for the 3-4 weeks or so already. And just made an entry just for today (it's new years eve where I'm at right now). I found keeping a journal helped in the healing process for me. It just allowed me to write down thoughts as they popped into my mind about the ex or the former relationship. I don't have many friends I can just call with a snap of a finger to rant or vent, but the journal is the next best thing. I felt good or at least satisfied after posting an entry.
D-Lish Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Aw! Unfortunately it's hard to put a timeline on grief! Vent away, it's healthy and it helps. If you vent into January/Feb... it's still okay. It's only been four weeks? That isn't very long. Feeling sad in January is no different than feeling sad in July. We look at NYE as being a fresh start... and often that leads to fearing that any unfinished business we bring into the new year will dictate our year. I am guilty of it too. I want 2009 to be a better year for me... But it's just a mental thing. Take the time you need to heal, and vent for as long as you need to. What would you like to talk about? Please go nuts and get it out of your system. That's what LS is all about! D-Lish
EmperorR Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 was september 4th when I heard the bad news , and here I still am being haunted by that vermin cheating scum. I've met someone new and she is great and I WILL NOT SCREW THIS UP.
Author Joker77 Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Aw! Unfortunately it's hard to put a timeline on grief! Vent away, it's healthy and it helps. If you vent into January/Feb... it's still okay. It's only been four weeks? That isn't very long. Feeling sad in January is no different than feeling sad in July. We look at NYE as being a fresh start... and often that leads to fearing that any unfinished business we bring into the new year will dictate our year. I am guilty of it too. I want 2009 to be a better year for me... But it's just a mental thing. Take the time you need to heal, and vent for as long as you need to. What would you like to talk about? Please go nuts and get it out of your system. That's what LS is all about! D-Lish Ha...I know I'll end up falling off the horse. All she will have to do is contact me in some way shape or form and I'll have to dig all the feelings up again. I just don't want it to rule my life.
D-Lish Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Ha...I know I'll end up falling off the horse. All she will have to do is contact me in some way shape or form and I'll have to dig all the feelings up again. I just don't want it to rule my life. Break ups have a habit of ruling our lives for a period of time. It's a part of the process. People will tell you over and over again that "things will get better"..."You will get over it"... Of course that is true, but it doesn't diminish the heartache in any way shape or form. It's just the process... something you have to go through to get to the other side. You will fall off the horse, most of us do. I prefer to fall off my horse on my own- meaning... I can have those moments of intense sadness, but my ex will never have the satisfaction of knowing it. He won't get a call or a drunken 3am text telling him I miss him. If you fall off the horse and your ex doesn't see it- it doesn't count. What is your situation anyway?
Author Joker77 Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Break ups have a habit of ruling our lives for a period of time. It's a part of the process. People will tell you over and over again that "things will get better"..."You will get over it"... Of course that is true, but it doesn't diminish the heartache in any way shape or form. It's just the process... something you have to go through to get to the other side. You will fall off the horse, most of us do. I prefer to fall off my horse on my own- meaning... I can have those moments of intense sadness, but my ex will never have the satisfaction of knowing it. He won't get a call or a drunken 3am text telling him I miss him. If you fall off the horse and your ex doesn't see it- it doesn't count. What is your situation anyway? My situation? I was friends with a co-worker for the past two years. She was finalizing a divorce (her second) and I was getting ready to end a relationship that was going nowhere. Anyways, we just hit it off this past summer and one thing led to another. After about a month or so, she started talking about moving in together next year. In October, she started acting weird. First it was she was freaking out because things were moving too fast. I said let's slow down. I thought it was settled. A month later, she said she needed space. I wanted to break up then. The next day, she texted me how much she loved me and missed me and didn't want me to go away. Me being the idiot I am, went back. She tripped again two weeks later only to be fine again the next day. Finally a few days after Thanksgiving, she decided to basically end it by a text message. I finally got her on the phone a half hour later but she was adamant about ending the relationship. The thing that sucked the most was not only did I fall in love with her, I fell in love with her 8 year old daughter as well who loved me too. The girl hasn't had a positive male influence in her life because her biological father is a piece of garbage who refuses to pay child support much less see his own child. So that's my story.
livingthrudying Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 good idea to vent, i found this site today and it has helped me alot already. last night is when everything went down for me. I too have been thinking about a journal as well. I dont have alot of friends either and on top of it i am moving to a new state to get a fresh start as now with a divorce about to be in the works (once i can afford to file it). There seem to be alot of great people on here that are patient and willing to lend their ears and help even if its nothign more than saying sorry and listening (which sometimes is the best). I kow i wish i could get this empty and scared feeling to go away, and i wish that i could say i know ill be better soon, but hell it just started last night and i know its going to be a long road. Funny thing is i was just saying 2009 was going to be a year of change, i was going to get my life back on track and really devote all my energy into bettering my life. I sure had no idea i was going to find out my wife had been in contact with her ex husband again (the guy she has cheated on me with before and promised no contact ever again), nor did i know that i was going to decide to move 1600 miles away to get away from all the crap the last two years has given me. But i am damn sure determined to get back to my old self that took the bull by the horns and made things happen for me instead of waiting and hoping for good things to happen.
not_a_happy_camper Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 i found keeping a journal helped to an extent.........but it's only now, 6 weeks after the break-up and 10 weeks after the sh*t hit the fan, that i can actually begin to...........accept it? the whole thing was so confusing. everything that could have gone wrong went wrong and so so fast. my journal served for ranting only but didn't help me to understand what happened. it also didn't talk back! friends have been great, but there's only so much ranting i think they can bare! i've definitely found this site to be so helpful, even though i've only been contributing myself for a few days. as to leaving the ex in 2008...............i'd like to think i could. but like i've seen so many times here already, you can't pick a day and say, that's it, i'm done with this. healing will take it's own time..........i won't force myself to move on. i hope that i will as soon as i can, but i'm not going to put pressure on myself. i just hope this year will be better than the last. for everyone!
lonelygurl Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 It has been 4 weeks for me also but the pain feels like it was only yesterday. It seems as time goes on the pain is getting worse before it gets better. Good luck with your venting!
Hersheys Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I want to leave the feelings I have for the ex in 2008. I have tried EVERYTHING and he's still not with me. If only I could have indifference, I'd be the happiest. I know the pain will still be there but I hope that whatever I went through will no longer be there in 2009.
EmperorR Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Continues to vent, you disgust me. I hate how you live across from my sister, I hate how you hopped into anothers mans arms a week after you dumped you, you disgust me. 3 guys you kissed in 3 weeks and you were the one who was always throwing around that "slut" word at other girls. Without me you would be nothing, you couldn't eben put a coherent sentence together when I met you, I should have dumped you december 31 2005 when you called me crying, like a idiot I didn't, I wish I could go back in time and dump you that day who cares if you cut yourself you psycho selfish prick. Ah this felt good.
D-Lish Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I see. I do understand that flighty behaviour coming out of a divorce. I do believe I did it myself and hurt a couple nice guys in the process. If she was acting like that, not only was she not ready (probably too overwhelming), but you were doing yourself no favours by sticking with her either. That's sad about her daughter. You still have 12 hours left to vent....
livingthrudying Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Well i for one am going out with friends for NYE. Venting is good and fine and it helps alot but i am started to learn that to much of it leads to self pitty and its good to get back on the horse and have a life. So i am going to go out and have some fun for a change with some good friends.
Author Joker77 Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 I see. I do understand that flighty behaviour coming out of a divorce. I do believe I did it myself and hurt a couple nice guys in the process. If she was acting like that, not only was she not ready (probably too overwhelming), but you were doing yourself no favours by sticking with her either. That's sad about her daughter. You still have 12 hours left to vent.... Yeah I really dropped the ball on this one. I really wish I had just stayed friends with her and then maybe things could have taken off once she was in a better place. As it is, I've lost a friend.
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