for those women who have cheated

[louiep]

no judgement here but did you have better orgasm with the lover

is it true about forbidden fruit . or was sex not really the issue and

you craved attention . can some of you ladies help me to figure out what

i did wrong and why she did what she did

 

im in alot of pain tonight while my woman is with another

[vnqsh2001]

no judgement here but did you have better orgasm with the lover

is it true about forbidden fruit . or was sex not really the issue and

you craved attention . can some of you ladies help me to figure out what

i did wrong and why she did what she did

 

im in alot of pain tonight while my woman is with another

 

Sorry that I'm not a lady, but I am a guy who is also in the same kind of pain you're in now. I've learned a lot through my own experience, so if I can help you by sharing some insight. I also had a lot of the same questions you asked and my wife shared a lot of information. I did a lot of reading on the subject in order to better understand this as well. I hope this is useful to you even though it is given to you second hand.

 

Women do enjoy sex. They probably enjoy it just as much as men. Sometimes they lose interest in their current partners only to find their sexual excitement reawakened by a different man. Yes, they crave attention as well, but don't kid yourself by thinking that your woman doesn't enjoy sex. If she's healthy, she most likely has a sex drive just like everyone else. If you've been with her for quite some time, she probably has begun to lose interest in sex with you.

 

A lot of guys say things like, "Why would my wife have an affair? She doesn't even like sex!" Admittedly, I was one of those guys too. But the fact is that we men often underestimate the female sex drive and we husbands mistake our wives' lack of desire toward us as lack of desire for ALL men. But that just isn't the case.

 

I know it hurts, but you need to be ready to accept the fact that she is probably enjoying sex with someone else much more than she enjoys sex with you. Affair sex is exciting, passionate, sometimes romantic, and without all the day to day stress a normal relationship has to endure. There's a lot less baggage which means there's more room for fun. You need to accept this because, once a woman starts feeling all this excitement and realizing how much more fun that other guy is, she might start to think she doesn't really love you anymore. She might start to think that she loves the other guy. She might decide she wants out of her relationship with you.

[Walk]

no judgement here but did you have better orgasm with the lover

The sex honestly sucked. It was top 5 of worst times having sex. I'm not laying it on you to ease your pain either. It really did suck.

 

is it true about forbidden fruit . or was sex not really the issue and

you craved attention . can some of you ladies help me to figure out what

i did wrong and why she did what she did

It was attention. It was excitment. It was having someone actually show an interest in who I was (even if it was a lie). I craved that from my exH, but he was too busy, too involved in himself, too selfish to care about my thoughts, feelings, wants, or desires.

 

But we're talking about a guy who couldn't spend 5 minutes warming me up to have sex. He'd just slap some KY down there, pound for 2 minutes, and roll over and go to sleep. If that was the worst issue, I could've dealt with it... but combine in how he blew through all our money so that I couldn't even buy food for lunches to eat at work. How he couldn't fix his car so he drove mine and made me walk to and from work (8 mile round trip). The guy who destroyed us financially so I had to beg my parents for enough to cover our bills... not once, not twice, but 4 times. I could go on... I'll quit there.

 

If you can take an honest look at your actions and say to yourself that you REALLY tried to make her feel important, valued, and loved... then kick your wife out. You don't deserve to feel the way you're feeling. You better have been a wretched louse to that women in order to deserve being treated this way... if you haven't been.. then put away those feelings of self-pity and take some action. Change the locks on the doors, pack up your wifes crap, toss it on the front yard, and file for divorce first thing tomorrow morning. Do not be a doormat.

[vnqsh2001]

no judgement here but did you have better orgasm with the lover

is it true about forbidden fruit . or was sex not really the issue and

you craved attention . can some of you ladies help me to figure out what

i did wrong and why she did what she did

 

im in alot of pain tonight while my woman is with another

 

Seriously, the first thing you need to do in order to save yourself from a lot of heartache is avoid blaming yourself. You are not to blame for what she is doing. It's not that you did something wrong. She is the one doing something wrong and you have no control over that. It was simply her choice.

 

She will most likely have a list of excuses to justify what she did. They don't mean anything. I mean nothing. They're just words she will use to make herself feel better. She is doing something for her own enjoyment, but at the same time realizing that it is wrong. No one likes to feel pain, so people make excuses. They blame others. It's not fair to the people being wronged, but it's how people cope with unpleasant situations like this.

 

She may say things like:

 

You didn't give me enough attention.

He made me feel attractive.

I thought you didn't love me.

I felt lonely.

I was just curious.

I couldn't help myself.

It just happened.

I was unhappy.

You didn't listen to me.

Etc....

 

The list goes on and on. These aren't the reasons she cheated. These are the excuses. Recognize the difference. The reason people cheat is they are selfish. We have desires we sometimes selfishly seek to fulfill. Excuses allow us to get past the pain inflicted by our own sense of morality, but it's our own selfishness that triggers the excuses.

 

Don't blame yourself. Just realize that she is being selfish. If you still want her, then find a way to make her realize how selfish she is being. Don't let her continue to blame you, because then she will never stop her selfish behavior. Blaming you excuses her immorality. Don't let it happen.

 

Once she stops blaming others for her own immorality, she will feel pain and remorse; and so she should. No one should feel good about doing something bad. It's that pain that keeps us from doing wrong things. Get her to embrace the pain and let go of the excuses.

[vnqsh2001]

It was attention. It was excitment. It was having someone actually show an interest in who I was (even if it was a lie). I craved that from my exH, but he was too busy, too involved in himself, too selfish to care about my thoughts, feelings, wants, or desires.

 

But we're talking about a guy who couldn't spend 5 minutes warming me up to have sex. He'd just slap some KY down there, pound for 2 minutes, and roll over and go to sleep. If that was the worst issue, I could've dealt with it... but combine in how he blew through all our money so that I couldn't even buy food for lunches to eat at work. How he couldn't fix his car so he drove mine and made me walk to and from work (8 mile round trip). The guy who destroyed us financially so I had to beg my parents for enough to cover our bills... not once, not twice, but 4 times. I could go on... I'll quit there.

 

Walk, I'm not saying that your ex-husband wasn't a louse. Maybe he was. But why didn't you just leave him instead of having an affair?

 

As for him pounding you for two minutes, did you ever think of lubing up your finger and giving him a rough rectal exam while he was sleeping? That would have evened the score, don't you think? I suppose you'd also have to give yourself a real orgasm afterward too. Maybe you could have used a toy for that. But anyway, I imagine it would have violated him about the same as he violated you.

[louiep]

thank you all yall help alot

off topic its day 1 of nc

[LadyDi]

How long were/have you been married? Passion dulls, like anything else. Not an excuse or reason to stray, but just my opinion. I think it was the attention from someone different, unlike what I had at home. Hope that helps alittle, sorry you're in pain.

[louiep]

16 years yes thing were slowing down alot

i have never heard anything until now on her

she never gave me a reason not to trust her

dec2 she said she wanted it to end dec 29 she said

she had been talking to another guy thur texting

i have became disabled due to deppression and obeseity

thiers never a good time for this but her timing stinks

[louiep]

also how come when tou catch her cheating she get mad

what gives

[vnqsh2001]

also how come when tou catch her cheating she get mad

what gives

 

It's not just women who get mad, Louie. Men do that too. It's a defensive reaction. She feels she is being attacked and so she tries to take the focus off herself and put it elsewhere; probably on you. It a common response to being caught in a very uncomfortable position. Sometimes there's no way to accept the pain we have to face, so we lash out in anger. We do that also in the hope that the person who is pressuring us will back off a little.

[louiep]

so backoff and let her think right?

[vnqsh2001]

so backoff and let her think right?

 

I can't tell you what to do, and I really don't want to be held responsible for the consequences if I tried. However, if you keep pressuring her, she's going to get angrier and that won't be good for you. It might be better to find a way around all her emotional defenses first.

 

On the other hand, you can't be passive about something like this because, at this point, she will certainly walk all over you if you let her. If you think you're hurting now, you're going to be much worse once she chews you up and spits you out. Your self-esteem will be non-existent. You have to assert yourself or you will definitely lose your place in the relationship. If you lose your place, someone else else will take it.

[pelicanpreacher]

so backoff and let her think right?

 

Back up, move on, and let her think about the parking lot she made of the last 16 years of her life. I would, however, hazard to say that your depression and problems with obesity may have been contributing factors driving her unhappiness so accept your role in the demise of your relationship but take no responsibility for your wife's decison to betray the marriage by having an affair. BTW, what steps have you taken to rectify your own personal dilemma's because without significant change unto yourself you cannot expect others around you to accept you as you want to be smply because you are who you are if you have a choice in the matter! The question that begs then is given the choice would you change?

 

To quote Yoda, "There is no try ... only do"!

[Marteka]

no judgement here but did you have better orgasm with the lover

is it true about forbidden fruit . or was sex not really the issue and

you craved attention . can some of you ladies help me to figure out what

i did wrong and why she did what she did

 

 

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.

 

The reasons why a lady cheats on a man are complex. My reasons may have nothing in common with your wife's reasons, but for what it's worth...

 

I have cheated twice in different relationships...both were one night stands and both were about seeking something I was not getting in my relationship - in one case, good sex and in the other case, affection. In both cases, they made me reexamine my relationships. In neither case did I want to end up with the other person long term.

 

The first time I was very young and inexperienced and did not realise sex between me and my then BF was just lousy (being older, he knew and he was unhappy about it). I met a guy when I was away one time and was instantly attracted to him. It was great...I realised that my then BF was right and we had just not been connecting sexually.

 

The second time, I was in what I had thought was my life's grand, passionate love. In it for 8 years and was faithful throughout...completely adored the BF and allowed him to cheat on me blatantly. Due to years of built-up resentment and suppressed anger, I got to the stage where I did not want to have sex with him anymore. I did not even want to try, I was that messed up. We were in a long distance relationship and things were breaking down between us. I met an old acquaintance, sparks flew. The sex was very ordinary (actually it was disappointingly terrible) but I finally got the affection I'd been starved off, and it led me to leave the BF and get on with my life.

 

Louiep, you should not feel that you are doing anything "wrong".

 

Sixteen years is a long time to be with one person, and human beings crave variety, in everything, not least of all sex and love. Also, people don't stay the same, and a lot can change in a person in sixteen years. Affairs are often the result.

[louiep]

help things are going from bad to worst

she called from the hospital he has beaten her up for some reason

hes in jail

he has sent her word that he will kill her when he gets out

what am i going to do

she said she made a mistake with him and hes been blackmailing her since then

[Marteka]

Get the hell down to the hospital now. Make sure she is all right.

 

The rest of the drama can wait until you make sure she is safe.

[jwi71]

Disagree.

 

An honest and faithful wife is worth dying for (and that's what you risk by being beside her now). A wife who has cheated, returned home and made every effort for years is worth dying for.

 

A wife who was just last night in her lover's bed is NOT worth dying for.

 

Run - because these psychos are most certainly capable of killing her, you then himself.

 

She isn't worth dying for NOW.

[Marteka]

Let her clean up the crap she caused. Let her figure out how to get herself she willingly jumped in when she jumped on his pony to ride.

 

Sweet Jesus, bentnotbroken. And you claim to be Christian.

 

Human life is sacred. Even a pagan like me knows that.

 

You are so willing to let your anger over past transgressions colour the way one human being should care for another and protect someone they love in a time of crisis.

 

I never thought I would preach to someone who professed to be Christian.

 

But shame on you and your anger. Shame.

[louiep]

thanks for the advice ill let yall know more when i know more

the hospital has no record of her being there

her mom doesnt know anything about it

hell i dont know whats going on

is she torturing me

i havent slept in 4 days

i think i might sleep on it if i can

ill keep yall posted

[Marteka]

Not angry at all. Quite the contrary. I never said her life wasn't sacred. I said that she should be responsible for the decisions she made. As we all are. According to the Word, we are to pray for those who are in trouble, but they have to learn from their own actions. Saul did, so did Peter and Judas. Think what you want about me, preach if you want, won't change my position.

 

You advised him not to go down there and protect her.

 

You showed zero compassion for someone who appeared to be in trouble.

 

You did not know her at all, apart from the posts that her husband had made. You made a judgment. Pure and simple.

 

She had apparently rung, hurt, in trouble, at risk.

 

And you advised him not to go down there and see if she was all right.

 

He might have been the only person who might have made sure she was OK.

 

But who cares about her, she is an adulterer. Best to leave her to her own devices.

 

That's what Jesus would have done, right??

[vnqsh2001]

You advised him not to go down there and protect her.

 

You showed zero compassion for someone who appeared to be in trouble.

 

You did not know her at all, apart from the posts that her husband had made. You made a judgment. Pure and simple.

 

She had apparently rung, hurt, in trouble, at risk.

 

And you advised him not to go down there and see if she was all right.

 

He might have been the only person who might have made sure she was OK.

 

But who cares about her, she is an adulterer. Best to leave her to her own devices.

 

That's what Jesus would have done, right??

 

I agree that we are not in a position to make judgments, or even proper assumptions. We don't even have enough information to make rudimentary ones. Based on what has been related, things seem pretty fishy. It sounds like someone is being insanely manipulative. In such a case, you've got to just get the heck out of that relationship before madness takes hold. The situation is just too abusive.

[Marteka]

:lmao:And you didn't make a judgement based purely on the posts you read? Look we both see something different. And his subsequent posts proved the hospital had no record of her. Her own mother didn't know anything about it.

 

She is the cruel woman who has emotionally abused a person who does love her dearly. And you are right I did advise him not to go. My opinion differed from yours. My compassion is for the people who are in pain at the hands of another. With the exception of a few AP who have gotten to know me and I them (privately)you know nothing of me either....except by my posts. Take a chill pill. You have a right to your opinion. That's the way of the world:laugh:

 

Umm...what a confusing post. I will let it go at that.

 

I am sure you know what it means, bentnotbroken.

[Mio]

She is the cruel woman who has emotionally abused a person who does love her dearly. And you are right I did advise him not to go. My opinion differed from yours. My compassion is for the people who are in pain at the hands of another. With the exception of a few AP who have gotten to know me and I them (privately)you know nothing of me either....except by my posts. Take a chill pill. You have a right to your opinion. That's the way of the world:laugh:

 

Far out, BNB. How can you call yourself a Christian? I'm no Christian, but even I can recognise the absence of God's love in almost everything you write. It's nowhere more apparent than in this thread. Don't you remember the parable of the prodigal son? God never gives up on us. He wouldn't give up on the OP's wife either. Why should you?

[Mio]

The funny thing about you and the other poster is that you both seem to recognize the lack of God as you say in my posts, but don't recognize the lack of God in your actions......hmmmmm.

 

Yes, what a coincidence it is that two people saw that!

 

Maybe I can put it another way. I noticed that we have been in several threads together, one of which was my own story. The thing I saw several times was how you seemed to overlook the power of compassion in the posts of others. In my own thread, someone really helped me to see the core issue, but you barrelled on with your own strange agenda. Don't you wonder sometimes why your words are not really getting through to the people you wish to help?

[Mio]

Did either of you look at the OP last posts about her lying or are we going to make the thread about the lack of my tact?

 

Oh, I'm pretty happy to make it all about your lack of tact

 

You know what kills me? I bet you anything that most of you people in RL are real nice folks. On the net though, I just picture a bunch of Klan members.

 

Oh well. Back to our corners I guess. I'll occasionally google the phrase "thanks bentnotbroken" to check on your kill-ratio teehee