redfathom Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 1. I am scheduled to have brain surgery on jan. 29th. My husbands co-worker (who will be mentioned in # 3) is scheduled the week before to have liposuction which is why my surgery is so far out. My H sent an e-mail to his new boss (they have shift change in two weeks) about three-four weeks ago but hasn't heard anything. But he hasn't followed up... I asked him today to follow up and he said to remind him tomorrow (we won't really see each other today). 2. I asked my H two weeks ago to go and change his tax filing status because while I am out of work I will be losing about $1000 a month income while on disability. He claims single and 0 and I asked him to change it to married and 0. I asked him last night about it and he said he forgot. So I asked him this morning before he left work to stop by and take care of it, he said he just wanted to come home that he is tired. So I asked him since he is going into work tonight for some overtime for a project to do it then and he asked me to just remind him about it tomorrow. 3. So this might sound like the biggest issue, but right now I can't stress over it...not like the other's. My H is friends with a female at work, the only female on his squad. They don't hang out outside of work or talk outside of work. But while at work they do have lunch together and help each other with reports, etc. I have always felt a little uncomfortable with their relationship, but I won't make my H stop talking to her. The other night we were talking about their friendship (which was brought up because he told me a rumor was going around that they were sleeping together) and I asked if he was at all attracted to her and he said: "Yes, which is why I don't hang out with her outside of work, so that I don't cross any lines." I asked him if based on that he thought it would be a bad idea to stop hanging out with her. He said no, that she is one of the only people at work he gets along with and he doesn't want to hurt her feelings either. I said, well I don't like rumors about you, which involve our relationship going around so maybe you could cool it. He said there are always rumors around there and they just need to be ignored. So... How can I get my H to take a more active role in relieving some of my stress of having surgery by being more proative with things he needs to do? Should I push the issue about # 3 or just let the chips fall where they may? I mean it's normal for people to find others attractive and I appreciate his honesty and I do think he does his best to keep things platonic, but there is always that "what if..." Thanks!!
lonelyandfrustrated Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I have no advice for you, just wanted to say I'll be thinking of you on the 29th and hoping everything goes well.
Author redfathom Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Thanks very much! Me too ...
Geishawhelk Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Red, forgive me for saying so, but your H is a total @$$wipe. I can't believe he'd actually admit to you that he's attracted to someone, and then tell you that your requests to distance himself more, are unreasonable.... And that he's offering no form of either moral or practical support, by stating that it should be YOUR responsibility to remind HIM to do certain things...... Shoot, it sounds like we've been more behind you on this than he has! I'd tell your mom, tell his mom, then ask him that unless he can step up to the plate, you don't need his cr*p right now. Is it totally up to him to do the things (financially) that you've asked him to do? Could you or someone else do it? If you can do it, just do it. If he's got to do it, I'd be a bit more forceful... What a jerk! Sorry hun, but I feel for you. Wish I could help more.......
Author redfathom Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Hi Geisha, When he told me that he is attracted to her, I said "I guess you would f*ck anything female." I know it was a low blow, but kind of true, except that I really don't think he would cheat on me. I am more upset about him not defending my honor and our marriage which should be sacrad by not protecting his image. Yeah, he hasn't been very supportive or helpful with the whole surgery thing. If the roles were reversed I would be doing everything for him to help. He has done somethings like interviewed a cleaning service for the house... It's just these big things that need to be done, that I don't really want to have to worry about, let alone have to think about reminding him to do. It's like thinking about it over and over... He didn't say its my responsability to remind him, but he really gives me no other choice. He just get's in these lazy moods sometimes...I am about to tell him to step it up and that I am tired of acting like his mom because he's a grown adult. Like the other day we were supposed to go to a friends party on a night he had to work, so I asked him to get ready early so we could be there on time. He said he had to go to the mall to get something, by the time we got home he had 40 minutes to get ready for us not to be late. I asked him how long it would take for him to get ready and he said an hour...to which I made a face. Then he got mad and told me if I was going to hassle him then he wasn't going to go...that he was hungry and that I know he hates having to wake up and get ready right away. Normally he wakes up at 5:00 PM and gets ready for work at 7:45 PM. So I said, then don't go. And he said I should stop pouting and that he had to go or I would be mad at him and to stop taking it out on him. I said, I would rather go by myself then have you there in a bad mood spoiling my fun. So he stayed home...which was 100% fine with me. Because I knew if he went I would be worried about him being unhappy and that would kill the fun of everything else for me. Don't most people wake up, get ready for work, work 9 hours, drive home, cook dinner, clean the kitchen, run errands, etc. On the days he works he doesn't want to do anything, but wake up, lounge for a few hours, get ready, come home, eat breakfast, watch TV, and go to sleep...
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