Riffmeister General Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Thought I'd share with you some thoughts I came to yesterday. They've made me feel a million times better, and although I'm still a broken man, I can see light and hope... I don't mean any of this to trivialise how I felt about this girl, I loved her with all my heart, but it makes me realise I can find that again with someone else, and it isn't just her I'm meant to be with. We'd had a 6 month long distance relationship after being good friends, me travelling in Canada, her in the UK. 1) I was more in love with this girl than I've ever been before, and I thought that was because she was the most perfect girl for me. Now I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that she was my only constant source of company (always video-calling, emailing etc) and she stopped me feeling lonely. I'm thousands of miles away from home, and although I have friends here, they work a lot and I spend a lot of time on my own. I think I became overly dependent on her, and I've mistakenly attributed how perfect I thought she was to why I was so in love with her, rather than realising the feelings were so strong because of the missing companionship in my life right now that only she was filling. The latter can be replaced. What I'm sad about is I feel lonely again, and the habit of all that contact is now broken suddenly, and that's gonna hurt. I think that's why I feel unexpectedly so much better after only 3 days cos I spent all yesterday chatting to mates via Facebook and IM - loneliness gap filled! Maybe we all attach more importance to the person than is necessary...? 2) We'd had this relationship essentially over the internet. So what I feel I might be doing is missing the perfect, polished version of her that in reality doesn't really exist. Who's to say we'd have lasted as long as this if I'd stayed in the UK and actually spent all this time with her, in person? I had no chance to get to know bad habits and stuff. I'd have had way more distractions and things to do. We might have got thoroughly sick of each other and broken up way sooner. I'll never know the truth, but it's just as likely as us being as happy as we were (or seemed until Time Zero). 3) I think the distance thing was more of an issue than she let on. It seems to me she craves validation from men, and with two guys interested, she went with the one that could give her that immediately. If I'd stayed, perhaps it would have been me, as she claimed herself. I think at heart, she's pretty fickle, and preferred to go with the instant fix than wait for me. Leads me to believe she made the decision for the wrong reasons, and she'll realise a couple of months down the line. A number of people have told me that's what they expect to happen, but it's not a false hope of mine, I aim to be over it by then. Don't get me wrong, I can't blame her for finding it difficult, but why didn't she say something before it got to this? (BTW, I did tell her if it was too hard, I'd have come back for her, I just thought with her booking the flight to visit (once at xmas, once at Easter) and everything she wouldn't want me to. She gave me nor ANYONE ELSE (her friends who all told me how excited she was about the trip, my mum etc etc.), ANY indication she was struggling. I told her I was coming back early anyway so we could go to this metal festival) So yeah, that's where I am. Not a solution, but it makes me realise I need to stop thinking that she was the only girl in the world that can make me feel that way.
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