Drmnlyzr Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I am in a great relationship since last 3 years. We have always been there for each other with a good chemistry and understanding. The problem is his parents don’t like me at all. They are trying everything they could do throw me out of his life including bad mouthing me and my family, emotionally draining and blackmailing him, Questioning his decision over and over and what not !!!!! They even question my family and my ability to keep his happy..... Worse, since he is visiting them in a couple of days for 3 weeks.... they are arranging his meeting with GIRLS of their choices. They have been doing this since quite sometime...... He says he is very attached to his family and just cant over-rule there expectation….. All he can do is to convince them (which he is doing since last 2.5 years ???? ). He did not say NO for meeting these girls because he thinks it does not matter because he loves me and that he just wants to be a "good son" since they are already upset He is really great, never did anything in last 3 years to make me suspicious on him, assured me several times that no matter what their parents will do, he will stick with me that he loves me the way i do. (Yes, he tries to change me to make me "fit in to his society" and I take it as I feel like changing is the life and it’s only making me better). I am in a constant fear that once he goes there, his family will eventually change his mind (after all they are family and he is a part of them) and one day everything with me won’t seem worth over his family. He will meet someone great and NEW and everything will be happy for them (except I will be gone forever for him and for me). Even though we always have a great time together. The moment does not seem far away where he will start doubting his decision on me once he meets someone better. I live in a constant fear of making a mistake and driving him away. After all I am not perfect........ !!!! Please help me out here ... Life suddenly seems too heavy. I tried some advice to live in present and not worrying about the future but couldn't stop worrying. I also can’t leave him and start over again because I know I just can’t..... except to wait for the day he will leave me. The equation seems so easy to solve isn't it? Him + Me = Him (happy), His family (sad) = Him (sad) Him + someone new who they will love = Him (Happy) + His fality (Happy) = Him (Happy) So ... guys tell me ... should I just count my days with him and cherish the few last days left?
nicki Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Why aren't you visiting his parents WITH him? That would send them a strong message that you two are a COUPLE. Of course he should be telling them he won't meet other women because he is already in a relationship...with you. If his parents arrange for women to meet him anyway, he should simply say hello and then immediately leave the room, house, area, city...etc. Really, he can't be such a passive guy, can he? Tell him you want to go with him. That should shut his parents up. Oh, and by the way, never ever be afraid to rock the boat with a guy. If you are afraid to make a mistake or afraid you will do something to drive him away, you will not be able to relax and be you. You will turn into a doormat, which will drive a guy away anyway, and deprive him of knowing/loving the real you. Earn his respect by telling him your expectation. Start with the expectation that he tells his parents you two are a couple and he will not be meeting any other women...
nicki Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Start thinking about YOUR feelings and your expectations on how people in a relationship behave. (They sure don't agree to meet other potential mates.) Aren't you mad and hurt at his behavior? Let him know that you won't allow it. Would he like you to go to a club with a female friend and meet guys she thinks you should go out with instead of him? I don't think so. If he goes to his parents without you and meets other women, then maybe let him know you will be doing exactly what I suggested. Use his logic: how can you say no to your friend? He should worry that YOU will find a better guy than him, and you certainly can. Really, though, consider just walking away if he won't consider your feelings important and make you the priority factor in his decision making. Lack of that is a deal breaker.
saturnfell Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I agree with Nicki. You absolutely SHOULD be going with him. Why aren't you? If you're going to say because of his family, then I think you know the answer. Either his parents need to accept their sons happiness, or you need to move on. If his parents are this influential there is a problem that I don't think you will be able to work through. If you meant that much to him, he would settle this with his parents. How old are the two of you? His parents wanting to set him up with other females is very upsetting and disturbing. They should respect their sons decisions. Why do you want to live this life? If I were you, knowing he was going away for that long, and knowing his parents point of view, I wouldn't be able to do that. If you're not going, he shouldn't be either. Bottom line. Terrible.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Why would she want to be in his family's home when they are constantly bad mouthing her? Can you say uncomfortable and awkward? Clearly she will be out of her elemnet so what can she do except hold her tongue with his family. I think he needs to stick up for you more. It doesn't seem like he defends you.
Walk Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I agree with Nicki. Where are your feelings in all of this? Where are your hopes, dreams, wants, and happiness? It comes across loud and clear that your madly in love with this guy, but I think you need to step back and really look at the situation. If I were you, I'd take the next 3 weeks to focus on YOU. Do things you enjoy, hang out with your friends and family, and just be yourself for a while. Take a good hard look at the situation, and how YOU fit into it. It's hard feeling unwanted, but it seems to be driving you to want to fit in even more then necessary. Because frankly, I would NEVER be okay with my SO going on dates with other women. Even IF he got an oscar for his "it means nothing to me babe" act.... I wouldn't do it to him, and I feel it's incredibly disrespectful for someone to do that to me. Stop listening to his words and start taking a hard look at his actions. He allows his family to badmouth you, he agree's to go on dates with other women, etc. He isn't fighting with you to prove to his family that he loves you and wants you in his life. Instead, he's proving to his family that he doesn't care about you, is happy to meet other women, isn't concerned about how you feel, and doesn't care if his actions hurt you.
CBR_pilot Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I don't care how great he may be. This is just not going to work out, so the sooner you get out, the sooner you can heal and move on. Regardless of why they don't like you, it doesn't sound like they are ever going to change, so why put yourself through this any longer, let alone forever. And, the fact that they are setting him up with other girls (and he's agreeing to meet them) is complete disrespect. You really need to move on. It sucks, but it's definitely for the better.
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