jc Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 We initially broke up a month ago yesterday, but I only went NC on Christmas Day after things completely ended. So this is Day 5. I don't want to contact him, because what would I say? It's all been said. There are no options with him, nowhere to go. But I do, just to hear his voice. Ridiculous, I know. So I'm writing here instead and trying to remain strong. And trying to remind myself of how he last treated me (he tried to convince me to sleep with him 'one last time' and when I wouldn't, told me I had better leave then). This clearly is not a person who I want to be with for the rest of my life. I know I deserve better than this! This urge for contact is so frustrating because on some levels I'm glad it's over, I'm glad I have the chance to start over. But I still miss him. And this really really hurts. It hurts to have been rejected by someone who I loved deeply. I think part of my grief is over him. His smell, his touch, his voice, his eyes, his sense of humor. But a huge part of my grief is tied to all of the plans and dreams for the future that I made with him. Getting engaged and married (which we talked about frequently), buying a home and travelling together and having children. So I didn't just lose him. I lost the dream of a future together. It's very shocking to go from the security blanket of a relationship and a planned future together, to being single again with lots of free time to fill. I just miss him today. And I don't want to feel this way anymore. I'm tired of grieving.
Ratherunique Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I am there with you. I'm on Day 6 of NC since DEC 24th. It's tough. I wish none of this ever happened as I'm sure you do to, but we can't do anything but roll with the punches....
MWH Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I feel you on losing not only the present but the dreams of the future. I stayed WAY too long with an absolute terror of a woman because I bought into the whole bill of goods she sold me. Grieving sucks but there is nothing you can do. I'm only a couple weeks n/c but check this out: I actually have a good day now and then. It DOES get easier so hang in there. Come in here and read and post as much as you need to. It helps to know that you're not alone in this. Peace, MWH
PinkToes Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 jc, I could have written this exact post. It's been a bit longer for me, but I know exactly what you're going through. Knowing it's for the best, while missing his physical presence and the dream of a future together. On top of the breakup, you need to plan a different future for yourself; change course. Even when you know you were fine before the relationship and you'll be fine afterward, it's still a difficult transition. What I keep telling myself is that being able to see the truth about the ex -- like you do -- will help us make a totally clean break once we've moved past the pain. I think we're both grieving the loss and the dream more than we're grieving the person, so once that process is over, we will realize we really haven't lost much!
EmperorR Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I'm like on hmm 105-10 days of nc forgot the exact number. Sometimes I get the urge to contact but I won't and that urge gets less and less. Just remember they know your number they can contact you if they want. Contacting is like not sleeping for a day and taking a red bull it refreshes you for a little bit then you crash and feel worse than before.
Surfer Dude Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 JC, the pain is always unbearable at the beginning of NC. But trust me, it's completely normal and everyone goes through it. The shock comes from separation from someone you were deeply connected with. Only time really helps here, but finding something to distract you could serve as a catalyist and speed up the whole thing. Try not to focus too much and don't count days anymore. Time will help.
louiep Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 jc i would like to nominate him for the ******* of the year award stay strong were in it with you
Joker77 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Everyone, It will get better. I'm on day 30 of NC with the exception of two text messages. I have good days, I have bad days. I realize that I'm so much better than I was the night it happened. I was a freaking wreck. I called just about everyone I knew trying to analyze what happened. I can't believe I was so weak. If I had to play it all over again, I wish I had told her that I agreed with her decision and told her it was for the best instead of trying to ask her why she wanted to break up. Oh well.
lonelygurl Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I'm sorry for how much pain you are in. I can only offer my sympathy as I am in the same pain. I too am going through a break up. Although I still have contact with my X at this moment but it is to get some things closed up, but that just makes it harder because truly he is just "cold". I wish we could get through this quickly. RIght here with you!
Author jc Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 jc i would like to nominate him for the ******* of the year award stay strong were in it with you lol...You must have read my post on how he 'accidentally' got back together with me two weeks ago when he was drunk. And then 'felt too bad' the next morning to tell me that he didn't want to get back together, so let me think things were good and then didn't contact me for 5 days. Yep. This is the person I've cried over every day since he broke up with me at the end of November. A real great guy.
Author jc Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 jc, I could have written this exact post. It's been a bit longer for me, but I know exactly what you're going through. Knowing it's for the best, while missing his physical presence and the dream of a future together. On top of the breakup, you need to plan a different future for yourself; change course. Even when you know you were fine before the relationship and you'll be fine afterward, it's still a difficult transition. What I keep telling myself is that being able to see the truth about the ex -- like you do -- will help us make a totally clean break once we've moved past the pain. I think we're both grieving the loss and the dream more than we're grieving the person, so once that process is over, we will realize we really haven't lost much! Hi Pink Toes, It's good to know someone else out there is struggling with the same type of thing...My ex behaved very badly to me at the end, so badly that there really is no chance of reconciliation. Which is good I guess, because it removes the majority of that hope (although of course I still think once in a while "maybe if he worked on some of his issues"...yeah right). So while I do miss HIM at times, more than anything, I miss the dream of us. For the past few years, I've really really wanted to meet the 'right' person and start our life together. I thought I had finally met 'the one' when I met my ex. And he said the same thing many times. (In fact, he said it first.) And now I feel like I'm back to square one. I still have the dream I guess, but not the person to share it with, at least not at this point. I'm sad:o
Author jc Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 Day 7 of NC today! I'm still really struggling to be honest...part of me can't believe that HE hasn't contacted ME by now. This is the longest we've ever went without any contact (we broke up a month ago but had contact periodically until last week). Here I am counting the days, struggling to get through all these hours that are stretching out ahead of me....and I have the sneaking suspicion that he really doesn't care and probably has barely noticed that I've been completely out of his life for the past week. Damn him.
thegloaming22 Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 yeah, that sounds pretty sleazy. good luck with your NC. I, unfortunately, had to restart mine today. If the physical side of all of this would just go away, I think I would be fairly okay, but I actually feel sick sometimes. good luck. you're doing the right thing.
thegloaming22 Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Day 7 of NC today! I'm still really struggling to be honest...part of me can't believe that HE hasn't contacted ME by now. This is the longest we've ever went without any contact (we broke up a month ago but had contact periodically until last week). Here I am counting the days, struggling to get through all these hours that are stretching out ahead of me....and I have the sneaking suspicion that he really doesn't care and probably has barely noticed that I've been completely out of his life for the past week. Damn him. yes yes yes. this is one of the hard things about nc. the fact that they're not trying to contact you like crazy or at all makes it seem like they're just over it. it sucks. you kind of hope that they're on some message board counting the days, but you know they're probably not and it drives you crazy. change is hard, but you'll get used to it with time.
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