Lucky555 Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 What am i to do here? Leave any of them yet? Let it keep going? Met these two guys around the same time. Guy A: Just went out with him and his friends. Its supposed to be our second date. Have not seen him for a month due to distance. This date turned out good overall. BUT: He never checked to see if i got home ok. He only contacts me via email or calls once a week. He has never said that he wants things to go further or has had a talk of such things after 2 months of communicating with each other. I feel as though my desire of being courted is not being taken into account here. He was "physically displaying his interest" but to me hes still a stranger. I guess i don't feel close to him. Guy B: showers me with love or lust whatever it is and i like it. we are physically attracted to each other we can talk very openly with each other i am comfortable with him. when i am with him i feel really good and like i can relax. BUT: He drinks and parties on the weekends. he smokes cigs he doesnt have a good job He spends him money at the bars! (he has stated he spends quite a lot) he wants to spend the weekend with me (we live a couple hours apart) I live with my parents and I don't want to move out because i need to save money right now. (I have told him i live with my parents and he thinks i should move in with friends) However, I'm going to have to do what is best for me which is to save money right now. I have told him that i have plans to be leaving in a few months to another state farther away and he still is persistent to give this a try. This makes me cautious: HE keeps asking me when am i inviting him to where i live. It sounds like he wants a place to stay and go out and have fun to visit this area since he has never been here before. But i am so confused because he does want to see me and invites me out a lot.
Ayemtee Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 What am i to do here? Leave any of them yet? Let it keep going? Met these two guys around the same time. Guy A: Just went out with him and his friends. Its supposed to be our second date. Have not seen him for a month due to distance. This date turned out good overall. BUT: He never checked to see if i got home ok. He only contacts me via email or calls once a week. He has never said that he wants things to go further or has had a talk of such things after 2 months of communicating with each other. I feel as though my desire of being courted is not being taken into account here. He was "physically displaying his interest" but to me hes still a stranger. I guess i don't feel close to him. Guy B: showers me with love or lust whatever it is and i like it. we are physically attracted to each other we can talk very openly with each other i am comfortable with him. when i am with him i feel really good and like i can relax. BUT: He drinks and parties on the weekends. he smokes cigs he doesnt have a good job He spends him money at the bars! (he has stated he spends quite a lot) he wants to spend the weekend with me (we live a couple hours apart) I live with my parents and I don't want to move out because i need to save money right now. (I have told him i live with my parents and he thinks i should move in with friends) However, I'm going to have to do what is best for me which is to save money right now. I have told him that i have plans to be leaving in a few months to another state farther away and he still is persistent to give this a try. This makes me cautious: HE keeps asking me when am i inviting him to where i live. It sounds like he wants a place to stay and go out and have fun to visit this area since he has never been here before. But i am so confused because he does want to see me and invites me out a lot. I think guy B is your best bet. The way I see it is when you two get serious(if you do) and you voice your opinion and concern on his current habits and let him know that they bother you, if he cared for your like you did him he'd put them down. I did it for my GF, thinks worked out pretty well. I used to hit I-75 north rollin balls on x, liquour and weed. Threw all that away because I cared for her and it really was a concern of hers.
Star Gazer Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I'd absolutely let both of them go. Neither have characteristics of a keeper IMO.
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Don't look for potential in a guy, look at the NOW! People don't change for anyone but themselves and usually in situations of trauma. Listen to your gut instincts. It sounds like your gut is telling you something about both of them, otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it.
You'reasian Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Sounds like guy B and you have more chemistry. Seeing as he is single, he's living a single guy's lifestyle: going out with his buddies from time to time and drinking, etc. If he takes his adult responsibilities seriously, he'll eventually cut out those vices. As far as good job, everyone has preferences. Some people maximize their income at the expense of genuine satisfaction, some maximize their job satisfaction at the expense of earnings, some find a middle ground but ultimately its the money we save that improves our finances. You could be a potential positive influence on the man's budgeting decisions. Perhaps recommend that he sit down and write out his income, expenses, savings and how he could cut smoking (save $$$) and cut expenses elsewhere to beef up the money he keeps. Anyhow, best of luck which ever way you choose
RichGuy Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I'm putting my money on guy B. :-) "two guys and me" is an excellent title for a porno.
bozwa Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Guy B: showers me with love or lust whatever it is and i like it. we are physically attracted to each other we can talk very openly with each other i am comfortable with him. when i am with him i feel really good and like i can relax. BUT: He drinks and parties on the weekends. he smokes cigs he doesnt have a good job He spends him money at the bars! (he has stated he spends quite a lot) quote] If I were in this situation, I'd probably focus more on guy B also. The core values you have between you two sound to me to be compatible. The other things could possibly be worked with. It would just depend on how willing you both are to compromise on some things. Like, for example, he shouldn't have to give up all of his friends or going out, but maybe have balance in that area where he isn't partying all the time or spending so much money. Things like that. No one is perfect and it is not realistic that anyone will find someone that they just absolutely love everything about them or their lifestyle. But if all the core values are there: "showers me with love or lust whatever it is and i like it. we are physically attracted to each other we can talk very openly with each other i am comfortable with him. when i am with him i feel really good and like i can relax." Then I say go for it. See if things can be worked out and worked through, see if it worth it to put in that kind of effort. Good luck.
You'reasian Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 "two guys and me" is an excellent title for a porno. Unless its "two guys and you" Not that you're not an interesting and talented fellow, but that's for a more special audience ....
CBR_pilot Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 How about option "C", find another guy...? It sounds like neither guy is exactly "ideal" for you, plus they both seem to live kind of far away. Do you live in the middle of Montana? I'm sure that you can find a good guy that fits your needs a little better...
Author Lucky555 Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Last night Guy A: on the second date was trying to make it all the way with me! He and i have had 1 month of emails and this was the second date. Guy B: Called and now wants me to spend the night during this week. He and I have had 2 dates and 2 weeks of texting. Anyone see what is happening. They are not getting to know me at all are they! I know being intimate is a huge part of a relationship BUT how can I be when i don't know them well. I don't know if they are clean and I am long distance with both of them. I just cant do this any more i suppose. Option C may be my best bet.
mental_traveller Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I'd absolutely let both of them go. Neither have characteristics of a keeper IMO. I second this post.
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I'd absolutely let both of them go. Neither have characteristics of a keeper IMO. Don't look for potential in a guy, look at the NOW! People don't change for anyone but themselves and usually in situations of trauma. Listen to your gut instincts. It sounds like your gut is telling you something about both of them, otherwise you wouldn't be posting about it. BINGO on both posts. Unless you're just looking for something short-term and fun. Then "B" would probably be it.
bozwa Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Last night Guy A: on the second date was trying to make it all the way with me! He and i have had 1 month of emails and this was the second date. Guy B: Called and now wants me to spend the night during this week. He and I have had 2 dates and 2 weeks of texting. Anyone see what is happening. They are not getting to know me at all are they! I know being intimate is a huge part of a relationship BUT how can I be when i don't know them well. I don't know if they are clean and I am long distance with both of them. I just cant do this any more i suppose. Option C may be my best bet. Yeaaah, sorry to see this happen. But yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with you on this one. Option C could be the best for you. Option C is a whole world of opportunity. Option C is the opportunity to meet someone closer and more convenient, meet someone that you can see on a regular basis - a Tuesday night if you want, you know? - which allows more opportunity to get to know eachother in a shorter time, option C could mean meeting someone who wishes to get to know you for you and for the real thing, Option C could be exactly what you are looking for.
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