alwayssme Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 i can only speak for myself... the first few weeks i was still in shock so oddly i wasnt sad.. the second month of my break-up was when i lost it.. Does it get easier? Yes...Is it EASY? not yet..not for me..it has been nearly 5 months and yes i still miss him...i'm not going to lie, it's not one of those situations that anybody would want to be in...it's the kind that you unfortunately are in and have to ride it through...i dont think there is a remedy to a broken heart except to just deal with it. Each and every day it will hurt a little less, its a slow and painful process but someday i hope it can stop hurting completely.
moveon Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Time will heal all wounds. I remember the first couple weeks after the breakup, the pain I felt was so unbearable, I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't work and so on...... It has 7 weeks of NC, although I still think of him from time to time, but the pain is far less than before. So just stay strong.
D-Lish Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Hey, No need to minimize the length of time you dated someone and equate that with how sad you "should" feel. I've gone out with someone for 2 months that has broken my heart worse than someone of a year. The first few months is that blissful honeymoon stage and the intensity of the feelings are usually quite high. I've had 3 major break ups in my life, and more than a few minor ones. I've even been the dumper in two of those major relationships- and even that hurt a lot. It does get better- but hearing that isn't going to cure how you feel right now. Knowing so might help a little. The no contact does help. Remaining in contact with someone you love is a nightmare- so you are doing this the right way. It makes me mad when people break up with you and then try and stay in contact, it's selfish and unfair. It's only been a couple weeks. I am right there with you- I broke up with someone a week before xmas as well and we only dated for a short time. It's painful to be sure- but I've been NC for 6 days. I just got the courage to block him from contacting me on msn, cell and e-mail. I find that helps to just close the avenues of contact. Hang in there- take it one day at a time, and give yourself a break, it's only been two weeks.
Author hoartiosans Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 Today's been really bad I've been thinking about her all day, from memories of when we were happy to the day she dumped me, I really hate the way I feel, I know I can be happier with someone else, our relationship had lots of complications that kept us from doing things that other couples do (like going out to places and stuff), and I wanted that stuff, but at the same time not being able to do that stuff made us closer, instead of going out all the time, she would usually just come up to my dorm and be with me, it was more intimate, and I loved it. I loved her, and it kills me every second of every day that we aren't together anymore, and that she doesn't want me anymore.
Riffmeister General Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Today's been really bad I've been thinking about her all day, from memories of when we were happy to the day she dumped me, I loved her, and it kills me every second of every day that we aren't together anymore, and that she doesn't want me anymore. With ya man. Gone backwards today, but I accept that, I expected it, and tomorrow is a fresh new day of choices and opportunity. I'm off to drown out the rest of this godforsaken dumbass year.
Author hoartiosans Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 This morning's been even worse, I miss her and feel really heartbroken that she is doing this. I can't stop myself from hoping she'll change her mind, but I honestly don't know if I could say yes if the offer was on the table. She hurt me, she's obviously immature, the way she came to this decision, and I don't know if I could ever trust her again. I just know that from now on every relationship I'm in, I'll be in constant fear that one day she'll just change her mind, even when we're happy and in Love, and dump me just like this girl did. I wish none of this had ever happened.
MWH Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 This morning's been even worse, I miss her and feel really heartbroken that she is doing this. I can't stop myself from hoping she'll change her mind, but I honestly don't know if I could say yes if the offer was on the table. She hurt me, she's obviously immature, the way she came to this decision, and I don't know if I could ever trust her again. I just know that from now on every relationship I'm in, I'll be in constant fear that one day she'll just change her mind, even when we're happy and in Love, and dump me just like this girl did. I wish none of this had ever happened. I'm sorry your morning has been rough. You just want the pain to stop. That is where the thoughts of getting back together come from. And that fear of future losses? Normal feelings all! So you're feeling blue today. Thats ok. you can even allow yourself to be sad today if you want. In fact you really can't help it. Ok then. Allow it. embrace it. Wrap yourself up in it. But tell yourself that you're GOI*NG to stop feeding it at a certain time- Say "From now until supper time I'm gonna let myself feel blue". It sounds ridiculous but it DOES help sometimes. Just don't ACT on what you're feeling ok? It WILL get better. Hard to believe it right now when ever minute feels like an hour. But it is true. It really REALLY is. I've been through it before and God-forbid I'll be through it again. All of us here in this forum are in the same boat and we will ALL get through this. Know that you aren't alone and know that when I tell you it will get better it really will. I have nothing to gain by BSing you right? Right!
Riffmeister General Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 This morning's been even worse, I miss her and feel really heartbroken that she is doing this. I can't stop myself from hoping she'll change her mind, but I honestly don't know if I could say yes if the offer was on the table. She hurt me, she's obviously immature, the way she came to this decision, and I don't know if I could ever trust her again. I just know that from now on every relationship I'm in, I'll be in constant fear that one day she'll just change her mind, even when we're happy and in Love, and dump me just like this girl did. I wish none of this had ever happened. Yep, once again, feel like I'm going backwards (or at best, standing still), but I'm just thinking that a few days ago, I made a few days progress in 1 day, so it's just evening out. I expected NYE to be hard, and it is, well, SURPRISE!?! I also feel you on the fear that if you'd get back together, she'd just change her mind suddenly again. It has to be tougher when it comes out of the blue, and one day we'll both completely realise (not just think, REALISE) that the trust is forever ruptured and spewing green goo all over the shop. You can't re-fill it, only patch the crack, but one thing's for certain, it'll never be a full tank again.
MWH Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Yep, once again, feel like I'm going backwards (or at best, standing still), but I'm just thinking that a few days ago, I made a few days progress in 1 day, so it's just evening out. I expected NYE to be hard, and it is, well, SURPRISE!?! I also feel you on the fear that if you'd get back together, she'd just change her mind suddenly again. It has to be tougher when it comes out of the blue, and one day we'll both completely realise (not just think, REALISE) that the trust is forever ruptured and spewing green goo all over the shop. You can't re-fill it, only patch the crack, but one thing's for certain, it'll never be a full tank again. Yep! When I think about getting back with my ex I play the movie all the way through now: I would be sick, nervous, untrusting, and frankly, I would be EXPECTING her to flake out at every moment. no thanks- I've walked on eggshells for WAY too long with her and I'm just not gonna go there again. Right now my life is kinda sucking BUT at least I know exactly what I'm up sgainst every day and not waiting for the rug to be yanked out from underneath me. again. And again. And again... ___________________ Can't help but laugh RiffMeister- When the creators of South Park HELP with our sanity you know damn-well times are tough, huh? LOL!
Author hoartiosans Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 When I think about getting back with my ex I play the movie all the way through now: I would be sick, nervous, untrusting, and frankly, I would be EXPECTING her to flake out at every moment. I feel the same, I think that me being torn as to what I actually want is making this all the much worse for me...I want her back, then I don't, then I start to believe I'll be happy, but then I turn around and start to think I'll never be happy again. I just don't know what happened to us, one day we were all sunshine and butterflies, the next day she wants nothing to do with me, this whole ordeal has been a nightmare for me, I want it to stop.
EmperorR Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Yep! When I think about getting back with my ex I play the movie all the way through now: I would be sick, nervous, untrusting, and frankly, I would be EXPECTING her to flake out at every moment. no thanks- I've walked on eggshells for WAY too long with her and I'm just not gonna go there again. Right now my life is kinda sucking BUT at least I know exactly what I'm up sgainst every day and not waiting for the rug to be yanked out from underneath me. again. And again. And again... ! Ype and this is why I'd never go back to my ex even if she came back,why go through all that, when I find someone new and start afresh with trust etc.
Riffmeister General Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 I can't wait to get to the point where I realise that's the truth. I'm sick of having to stop myself daydreaming about the moment she emails me telling me she wants me back. If it happens, I want to be able to say no, if it doesn't, I don't want to be disappointed. This is hard, eh?
MWH Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 I can't wait to get to the point where I realise that's the truth. I'm sick of having to stop myself daydreaming about the moment she emails me telling me she wants me back. If it happens, I want to be able to say no, if it doesn't, I don't want to be disappointed. This is hard, eh? You're just a few days out, right? If so just know that in just a short while the daydreaming slows down and bit by bit you'll start having moments of "normal" back. They add up and the daydreaming slows down. Don't wait for an email that A. Might never come and B. You REALLY don't want that- you only *think* you do. Hang in there and just ride it out. Thats all we can do. Time. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr time....
Author hoartiosans Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 I want to be able to say no, but I don't know if I could (I don't honestly believe she's gonna ask anyway) I miss her so much, and I love her. I want to move on, and then I don't...I thought her and I had something, I guess I was wrong. See, my minds a mess. Every day I look over at my phone, waiting for that text, when she says, "I was wrong, take me back." Realistically, I know that will never happen, she's too stubborn, even if she thinks she made a mistake, her reasoning was, god is leading her in another direction (even though she loves me still). That makes it all that much worse, she says she still loves me, what the **** does that mean, why is she dumping me then? This is all pissing me off, and breaking my heart.
Riffmeister General Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 You're just a few days out, right? If so just know that in just a short while the daydreaming slows down and bit by bit you'll start having moments of "normal" back. They add up and the daydreaming slows down. Don't wait for an email that A. Might never come and B. You REALLY don't want that- you only *think* you do. Hang in there and just ride it out. Thats all we can do. Time. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr time.... Cheers bro, just what I needed to hear. There were aspects of what I'm doing that I didn't think anyone else was doing, but they are! Daydreaming, checking the phone for texts, emails... doubt there's anything I've done that a million other people haven't done. Right now, I'd take her back immediately (after guilting her for 5 minutes or so), so I'm right with you Hoartiosans, and yeah, it's still ringing through my head that she said she meant everything she said and still does (beginning to wonder if I made that last bit up about her still meaning it in my head, my memory of the event is fuzzy). My mind's going through the same loop yours is!
Author hoartiosans Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 She said she loves me, then the next day she dumped me, then after she dumped me, she said she did love me, when I accused her of not loving me (which was a logical step in my defense), but she said that twice. The whole time I was talking to her after the breakup she was treating me like I was doing something wrong, in wanting to understand why, she got mad at me several times, and it seemed like she just wanted me to accept it like we never really had anything anyway. I lost a lot of respect for her during all this, I don't understand why she's doing this, I don't know what happened to that girl who loved me, and who replaced her with this irrational, immature, uncaring girl who broke my heart. Sorry, I feel like I'm whining too much, talking about it just makes me feel better.
Knight_Ctrl Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 She said she loves me, then the next day she dumped me, then after she dumped me, she said she did love me, when I accused her of not loving me (which was a logical step in my defense), but she said that twice. The whole time I was talking to her after the breakup she was treating me like I was doing something wrong, in wanting to understand why, she got mad at me several times, and it seemed like she just wanted me to accept it like we never really had anything anyway. I lost a lot of respect for her during all this, I don't understand why she's doing this, I don't know what happened to that girl who loved me, and who replaced her with this irrational, immature, uncaring girl who broke my heart. Sorry, I feel like I'm whining too much, talking about it just makes me feel better. I hear you brother. I miss my girl more than I miss the life I was having when I was with her....its ridiculously painful, but were getting through it together. You and me man, I know we don't know each other but just know that there are a lot of people that are going through the same **** as you right now. If my ex came back tomorrow and asked me to get back together....I have no idea what I'd say. And that is both a blessing and a curse, a curse because its what we've wanted this whole time, yet people like you and I. Were smarter than that, and we know it would probably be a bad idea. These girls have issues man, what we need to do is remind ourselves that WE are awesome. And move on away from them. Keep strong bro.
MWH Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 She said she loves me, then the next day she dumped me, then after she dumped me, she said she did love me, when I accused her of not loving me (which was a logical step in my defense), but she said that twice. The whole time I was talking to her after the breakup she was treating me like I was doing something wrong, in wanting to understand why, she got mad at me several times, and it seemed like she just wanted me to accept it like we never really had anything anyway. I lost a lot of respect for her during all this, I don't understand why she's doing this, I don't know what happened to that girl who loved me, and who replaced her with this irrational, immature, uncaring girl who broke my heart. I ran myself ragged tryng to "understand" my ex's bhavior and motives. In the end, at least in my case, I finally came to terms with the fact that she is disordered and try as I may I would never understand any of her circular logic, blame-shifting, and twisted "reasoning". The sooner I stopped trying to get inside her head the sooner I began to clear out MY head. I damn near lost my mind trying to keep up with her rapidly shifting moods and mind-boggling statements. In the end there simply was no making sense of her in any way. I thought it was just me for the longest time but as I bounced things off of other people I saw that they too could make no sense of her. What a relief. I know it seems impossible but the best thing is to stop trying to figure her out. It simply can't be done. What helps me greatly is to ignore ANYTHING she has ever SAID and simply base reality, my truth, on what she has DONE. Hope this helps.
Author hoartiosans Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I don't know. It's nice to know other people know how I feel at least. I can't stop myself from thinking about all the good time's we had, and I remember that we had almost no bad times for me to lean on as a sign as that we wouldn't work anyway, instead I'm just dumbfounded as to why she felt we needed to breakup, we never fought once, so it just doesn't make any sense as to why we're done. All I know is I keep thinking about her, and while I'm not as pitiful as I was at first, coming up on 3 weeks broken up, I still feel like I've been crushed under the heel of a girl I loved, and I thought loved me.
Author hoartiosans Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 is it completely ridiculous that I want her back?
Riffmeister General Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 is it completely ridiculous that I want her back? Of course not. What a ridiculous question! Haven't you been paying attention?!
FF84 Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 is it completely ridiculous that I want her back? It will be after a month or so of NC when you realise that she wasn't actually that amazing and that there are thousands of other women out there. Right now, it's natural to want her back. But you'll look back and see that things very differently in a few months.
not_a_happy_camper Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Yep! When I think about getting back with my ex I play the movie all the way through now: I would be sick, nervous, untrusting, and frankly, I would be EXPECTING her to flake out at every moment. no thanks- I've walked on eggshells for WAY too long with her and I'm just not gonna go there again. Right now my life is kinda sucking BUT at least I know exactly what I'm up sgainst every day and not waiting for the rug to be yanked out from underneath me. again. And again. And again... i'm absolutely with you on that one. i'm nearly 7 weeks out of my first relationship. i realise i don't love him anymore after all the hurt he caused. things were horrible the last few weeks we were together, but like i've read her a lot in the last week, i was inclined not to remember the bad things, but all the good things and want them back. i'm now beginning to look at the good things as good memories, and miss them, but i don't miss the person so much anymore. i care for him a lot and i hope things work out for him. but i am SOOOOOO glad not to have the yo-yo feelings anymore! of never knowing exactly where i stood. walking on eggshells. it's such a relief.
Author hoartiosans Posted January 2, 2009 Author Posted January 2, 2009 I'm looking forward to not feeling this way anymore, I just can't stop thinking about her, she was so important to me, now I feel like I meant nothing to her, and it sucks. I would give anything to have her back right now. I know I should just accept that she's moving on, but I just can't, i don't know what to do. I feel horrible.
IcemanJB Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 It will be after a month or so of NC when you realise that she wasn't actually that amazing and that there are thousands of other women out there. Right now, it's natural to want her back. But you'll look back and see that things very differently in a few months. So true that it needs to be quoted. I'm over a month NC, and I've realized that I don't think I could trust my ex if she came back to me. She didn't cheat or anything like that, but just the pain she caused me (and herself!) left a major scar between us. It was so completely out of the blue that I was left shocked and dumbfounded. Doesn't mean I'm not crazy about her, but it means I won't take her back unless she does something to regain my trust - it would have to be pretty damn good. It's actually a liberating feeling; I'm at the point where I want to really start seeing other women, because I deserve better! I wish I were at the point of being able to talk to her and see pics of her, but I'm not yet. It's ok...maybe another month or two of NC and I'll be fine! Hang in there!
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