In Triple Trouble Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 So I dated this guy a couple of years ago, during a really bad phase of my life, and at the time he was the guy I had on the side. I had had a boyfriend for a year at that point, and was really unhappy in the relationship, so I had started looking around. I met "the side-guy", and we became really close... closer even than my boyfriend at the time and i were, but I couldn't get out of the relationship (he was VERY controlling). I spent a lot of time lying to "the side guy", and eventually he figured all of it out. We didn't speak for two years, and in those two years, I grew up a lot. I became a different person, and I decided it was time to come clean with EVERYTHING I had lied about, and apologize to him. I had fallen in love with him during the time we had spent together, and although I knew there was no way I could ever ask him to give me another chance, I just wanted him to know how I felt. We have started speaking again, after an intense round of "20 questions" from him of course, and he has been very gracious about everything... but he does have a girlfriend that he maintains he is happy with. For some reason, the way our conversations go (and I know this sounds a bit like a "crazy ex-girlfriend"-type of thing to say) I just don't believe him. Why would he still speak to me the way he does? And why would he always tell me about her, when he knows that it hurts me? If he didn't care about me, why would he waste time talking to me? And why would he try to shove his happiness in my face (it really seems so forced)? Please someone tell me if I'm reading too much into his actions, or if I'm right on the money!!!!
CaliGuy Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Well you lied to him and treated him like crap. Now he's moved on and is happy with someone else. You are trying to work your way back into his life and his only way of preventing that is to tell you he's happy now. He's trying not to be a jerk to you by telling you to take a hike but with subtle messages that he's happy, tell you to move on as well. Let him be. He's happy and has a girlfriend. If you care about the guy you'd want him to be happy, even if it's not with you. My advice is to let it go and move on with your life.
You'reasian Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 So I dated this guy a couple of years ago, during a really bad phase of my life, and at the time he was the guy I had on the side. I had had a boyfriend for a year at that point, and was really unhappy in the relationship, so I had started looking around. I met "the side-guy", and we became really close... closer even than my boyfriend at the time and i were, but I couldn't get out of the relationship (he was VERY controlling). I spent a lot of time lying to "the side guy", and eventually he figured all of it out. We didn't speak for two years, and in those two years, I grew up a lot. I became a different person, and I decided it was time to come clean with EVERYTHING I had lied about, and apologize to him. I had fallen in love with him during the time we had spent together, and although I knew there was no way I could ever ask him to give me another chance, I just wanted him to know how I felt. We have started speaking again, after an intense round of "20 questions" from him of course, and he has been very gracious about everything... but he does have a girlfriend that he maintains he is happy with. For some reason, the way our conversations go (and I know this sounds a bit like a "crazy ex-girlfriend"-type of thing to say) I just don't believe him. Why would he still speak to me the way he does? And why would he always tell me about her, when he knows that it hurts me? If he didn't care about me, why would he waste time talking to me? And why would he try to shove his happiness in my face (it really seems so forced)? Please someone tell me if I'm reading too much into his actions, or if I'm right on the money!!!! I doubt he's trying to shove happiness in your face, he's probably just in a good place. If you love him, you should evaluate your actions during the time you were together, make sure you don't do those things if you get into a relationship again and just be happy to be his friend Should things get better between the two of you, great - but let him enjoy his happiness.
BackonTrack2 Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 In all honesty, it doesn't sound like you are a good person. You had a boyfriend + a side guide, the side guide found out you were two timing him, so he ended it and didn't speak to you for 2 years (clearly he was upset), then after a while he grills you to even find out why you are speaking to him and you state your intentions, but he doesn't want to go down that road again + he already has a girlfriend who is not two-timing him so he just tells you he's good. He probably has feelings for you but not enough to want to go down that route again, been there, done that type of thing. Just forget about him, find someone else. What happen to the boyfriend anyway, I'm curious.
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