hmm789 Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Before our wedding before even the date was picked my hub's bro came to me and said so when should i plan this big party for? I was pregnant I told him under the circumstances i didn't think that was appropriate. He told me don't worry it's the last ass he'll see. I was very upset. i thought about it and couldn't get over it i sat my fiance at the time down and talked with him. i was so upset i was crying and i know proably over emotional because i was pregnant. But i gave him options, If going to strip club was something he really wanted to do than we should put the wedding off til after the baby comes and we can both go out, or lets agree to have seperate parties right before our one year anniversary. He (my hub) was the one who didn't want to have the baby out of wedlock. My hub swore up and down that he didn't want to go and wasn't going to. I made it clear to him that if he went to strip club i WOULD NOT want to be his wife. But he went. and lied about it over and over. i had a feeling to and the night before the wedding i woke my mom up all upset and told her to help me call off the wedding. I was calling him that night he wouldn't answer the phone and then told his sister who was with me that it was bad luck to talk to me. I just knew it was BS. I feel he manipulated me into being his wife i feel hurt and betrayed. i just can't get over it. Then to add insult to injury about a month after the wedding i came home from work to find him not here. i asked where he was he said playing pool with one of his boys. well that night i went through his phone and found a number. jotted it down and called it the next day to find out it was his ex he was with that night. he swears it was nothing but to me it dosen't matter if he didn't sleep with her he might as well have because i don't know i don't trust him he has no problem looking right in my face and lying to me. We now have a beautiful 5 month old son. But if i don't find away to get over all of this i will have no choice but to leave him. any suggestions?
Geishawhelk Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 You still married him? My suggestion would have been, don't marry him. The way he's acting, he's not marriage material. The way you've acted, neither are you. But here we are...... You are so insecure right now, I'd take the baby, take a break and go home to mother and sort yourself out. Do you want to stay with him, or do you want to go?
Owl Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I'd agree with GW...he's clearly not ready to be married yet. He's not acting like a husband and a father...he's acting like he's still single, with no responsibilities. Draw a line in the sand with him. Set a clear boundary about what you're willing to accept in your marriage. And make it crystal clear what he stands to lose if he doesn't follow that boundary. It sounds to me like you're still within the timeframe for an annullment...it might honestly be something to consider if he refuses to take this seriously. I don't mean this as a threat to him...nor should you. What you SHOULD consider this is as identifying what you're willing to accept in your life. If he's not capable of providing it...then YOU would be the foolish one to stay married to him. Make sense?
Author hmm789 Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 Trust Me i wouldn't have married him if i had known. i didn't find anything out til after we were married and the liscense was sent in. My own brother lied to me. My bro is the one who came clean about the strip club thing cause he felt to guilty to keep lying. now my husband won't talk to him. I thought this guy was perfect. which he was. i never looked through his stuff or ever even thought i had a reason to. until it was to late. i feel like an idiot for not but he had never lied to my knowledge before all of this.
Owl Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 If you wouldn't have married him if you knew this before, what's stopping you from filing for an annulment right now?
signedin2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Trust Me i wouldn't have married him if i had known. i didn't find anything out til after we were married and the liscense was sent in. My own brother lied to me. My bro is the one who came clean about the strip club thing cause he felt to guilty to keep lying. now my husband won't talk to him. I thought this guy was perfect. which he was. i never looked through his stuff or ever even thought i had a reason to. until it was to late. i feel like an idiot for not but he had never lied to my knowledge before all of this. You married a liar who does not have respect for you or "your marriage" and potentially a serial cheater. I can't believe your own brother was part of it and lied to you too? Is there any chance that he is a step brother?
Author hmm789 Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 yeah i guess this is my half bro. but we have been real close for a long time. his mom and i are close too. my real younger sisters b/f was in on it too. from what i understand my hubs older brother basically singled these two out and made them feel uncomfortable in front of everyone i don't know details but made it clear that this night was not to be talked about. I hate my hub's older bro. I've thought about having a talk with him. because shortly after we found out we were expecting and told him he was having a new years eve party and texted my hub to bring some B****es which was inappropriate i feel as the older bro he should have been respectful of our/his lil bro's decision to be with me and have this this baby. i went to the party that night and my hub was doing nothing wrong and he didn't bring anybody.
Geishawhelk Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Trust Me i wouldn't have married him if i had known. i didn't find anything out til after we were married and the liscense was sent in. Rubbish. You DID know. You just weren't willing to listen to yourself. But he went. and lied about it over and over. i had a feeling to and the night before the wedding i woke my mom up all upset and told her to help me call off the wedding. I was calling him that night he wouldn't answer the phone and then told his sister who was with me that it was bad luck to talk to me. I just knew it was BS.
lkjh Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 His brother is a douche! I really don't know what to say since you have a 5 month old son but good luck.
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