awesomeallalone Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 You really have to stop.... obviously you are not happy and I'm sure you dont want to hurt her and it all just sucks but youre hurting her by staying in a relationship that is clearly not working for you..... i know you feel bad because of her situation and leaving her will make you feel guilty like youre kicking her while shes down BUT prolonging it will only hurt her more....so really youre being selfish thinking of your feelings of guilt and not of how bad she will feel when you leave.... i know what its like to be on the other end and let me tell you its not fun....waiting will only make things worse for her! let her go.
stace79 Posted January 21, 2009 Posted January 21, 2009 I can totally identify with you on feeling guilty for hurting her and/or "abandoning" her. It sounds like she depends on you to be the strong, logical, responsible one. That is how I feel in my relationship. I worry that if I leave my boyfriend, he won't be able to take care of himself. And that is ridiculous! Your gf is in her 20s and my bf is in his 30s! They have to learn to take care of themselves. Also, if her priorities are not living financially responsibly, and it sounds like that is your priority, then you just may not be right for each other. It takes a lot of thinking and talking to get to the point where you realize it and can make a good decision for yourself. If it is really that important to you, and you tell her that and she still ignores your desires, then you have to find someone else who takes your needs/wants seriously! I would suggest coming up with a plan with her to pay down her credit cards and express that you aren't happy marrying someone with that much debt weighing you down. Tell her that it stresses you out or that you feel it's wasteful to pay interest, etc. If she sees how much it bothers you and that your'e working to help resolve the issue, maybe she will "get it". If she still doesn't try to work with you, I would assume it's a lost cause and move on.
Author tiburontropic Posted January 21, 2009 Author Posted January 21, 2009 The one thing that is really bothering me is, all my friends are getting engaged or married, moving on with there lives. I am stuck with someone that is just spinning her wheels. I want to have faith in her, but she had told me 2 years ago that she will work on paying it down. Then when I find out she didn't, that just destroyed me. One thing that is leeping her from paying her debt is her 19,000 a year job. 2.5 years ago I told her to go out and find a job when she knew she was getting laid off from teaching during her first year. She just sat around and waited for her teaching pay to stop. Then she was forced to get the job she still has.
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