GoneButNotForgotten Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Ok I probably would have written this earlier but I had a friend that is in the navy staying with me the past 2 weeks so I have been really busy. Last monday I decided it was time for me to end all the crap I had been holding on to and stuff like that. I had duffel bag full of stuff that reminded me of her and still had a tv and dvd player that she made me hold on to because she didnt have room at her apartment in college. So I had my friend text her that we wanted to drop by and give her everything that was hers. I had no ill intentions and hadn't talked to her in like a week or so. Well we dropped the stuff off and even had dinner with her and her mom. (Her mom is really cool and my friend and I had a tradition of always stopping by for dinner when he was in town) It was a bit awkward at first, but after a while I got to the point of just not really speaking to her. I didn't ignore her, but didn't ask her any questions or anything. And we both gave her mom a hug goodbye as we were leaving and stuff. She hugged my friend and then started to step closer to me, but I just stepped away towards the door to leave. Was that a bastard thing to do? I didn't mean any ill will with it, but i'm not at the stage where I can consider myself her friend. If she does not want to be with me then she cannot be my friend for now. She asked about the duffel bag that all of the other stuff was in and I said just to keep it. It was a cheap duffel bag, but I think more important to me was that there were things in there that I didn't want to see her holding again. Some of them were presents to me. I could not hold on to them anymore. I know that I am not over her. But each day gets a little bit better. It has been just short of 3 weeks since she broke up with me. Not a long time in the grand scheme of things, but for the first couple days every hour felt like an eternity. Did I do anything wrong in what my actions I guess is my question? This girl has been an important part of my life for a long time. I do not think I could ever really just be friends with her and I can accept that fact. Especially while I still want something more. I guess my thought is I didn't want to come off as a prick by giving her basically everything that she has ever left at my house or given me in four years.
Phateless Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I had a similar experience after breaking up with my ex. I think you're fine. She can't expect you to be all peachy as normal after only 3 weeks. After 7 months of no contact I called mine to congratulate her on graduating (this was 2 years ago) and made sure to get back my bookshelf speakers before she left town. If I ran into her I would be friendly but we are definitely not friends. She has made a few attempts to contact me since we broke up but I have ignored them all. She has nothing to offer me now. I think you're fine. She knows you're hurt. If she's expecting you to roll right into being friends right away then she's an idiot.
DSM-IV Tom Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Phateless is right. That's just how it is. You dated 3 years? You won't be over eachother for a good year or more. 3 weeks? She hasn't even entered the pain stage yet. That starts around month 3.
Author GoneButNotForgotten Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 In all honesty, I don't really care how she feels. Thinking about how she feels doesn't help me at at all. So why should it bother me? I'm just glad I have started to notice girls again and actually be able to notice them without thinking about her.
Riffmeister General Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Dude, you're doing just great! You weren't a bastard for not hugging her - she shouldn't expect anything from you. Do you worry that she wanted a hug as a signal for some sort of reconciliation, and now it looks to her like you don't want that? Sorry, just putting myself in your shoes. I would hope a hug would change her mind right now, but then I'm desperate at 3 days in! Completely there with you about every hour being an eternity to begin with, but today is shooting by and I haven't achieved anything I planned to yet! Bottom line is, we all heal differently, and perhaps my psychology degree allows me to look at things and get satisfactory answers quickly, so I heal fast. Maybe you do too. It's a great sign you can look at girls without thinking about her, being only 3 weeks in. BACK IN THE GAME!
Author GoneButNotForgotten Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 Ha I'm not completely back in the game. I know that much. But it is kinda nice being able to have my appreciation for beauty back. And I think you are right in that I tend to heal a bit more quickly than others. I am also in a situation where not having her doesn't make me feel all that much more alone than when I was with her. It was a ldr so I only saw her every couple of weeks anyways. Plus it makes it easier to look at the signs leading up to it that I didn't want to believe at the time.
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