brightlady2 Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Ok I've browsed a few threads on here and I know this has been discussed several times, but please indulge me this one time. Now to explain - I am extremely shy, but there is this guy that I work with that I'm pretty sure is interested but I'm much to shy to pursue it....much. The first time he said "hi" to me it was sort in that special way and I could tell by the way he was looking at me something was up, but whenever guys look at me that way I get really shy and tongue tied. But at this point I said "you work here, right" (we work in the same store,and it was all I could think of to say ) So he said "You remember me, thats good, cause I could definately never forget you" Now I would think thats pretty direct, but i didn't really respond because him being that direct really choked me up. I know I must be sending mixed signals, like this one time we were both walking in the store at the same time and he looked like he wanted to talk to me but I got really nervous and it probably looked like i was trying to avoid him but not really i was just nervous. So for like the past 4 months we smile when we see each other, we talk in the breakroom, he always asked how I'm doing, hows school going, that sort of thing. He encourages me when he sees me studying in the breakroom. The other day when he walked past me he reached over and touched my shoulder and squeezed a little and said "hey pretty lady" - i'm sure I had a stroke , but he kept walking out of the room so I didn't get a chance to respond. We work in different departments so we dont' see each other too often although I always check his schedule against my own so I at least know when hes in the building. Like I mentioned I'm sure I'm giving mixed signals like the practically running away from him that time, and sometimes not speaking to him when i see him because I'm just too shy I don't want to mess this up, but if I say something aggressive and it turns out he isn't really interested after all I'll die - I'm sure I will or I'll at least have to quit because there is no way I could work in the same building with him. What do I do? Does it seem like he's just being nice or do his actions mean he really does like me? If so how do I work up the courage to talk to him more? I'm 26 and I've never had a bf - most likely because of this extreme shyness. Like I said I dont want to mess this up so please any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for indulging me with this long post.
CandyGirlXO Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 You know what I would do... I can completely relate to you because I am extremely shy also. At least with people that I don't know, or people that I have a crush on. I would maybe one day when you two are on break together and he starts talking to you about your day, etc... I would try to just ask him about his life. See if you can fish for some information. Ask him how old he is, what he likes to do, then get enough courage to ask him if he is involved with anyone. He sounds interested to me. But I know how that goes in the workplace, it makes it harder to tell him your true feelings, because you have to see them everyday.
Phateless Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 If you're asking this question at all, that means your intuition is telling you that he does. Trust that intuition. Just hang out with him.
Author brightlady2 Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Thanks for the advice guys. I have another question though. Now I've made up my mind to talk to him but i can never get a second with him. We work in different departments and we never seem to arrive or leave at the same time. Its so frustrating!!! I see him in the store and I just want to stop what i'm doing and go over - but i can't. I thought about leaving a note on his car, but i've been told that would be weird. Any ideas? I have no reason to just show up in his department so i dont' know what to do Please help
zenith Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I have no reason to just show up in his department so i dont' know what to do Please help yes, you do you wanna talk to him? just go to his dept and talk to him
Shygirl15 Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I suppport Candy's advice. Dig out information, make sure you're at least 90% sure he's interested and available before you go all out on him with your feelings. Try not to do anything weird, you'll just embarrass yourself more.
SoulSearch_CO Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 yes, you do you wanna talk to him? just go to his dept and talk to him I agree with this - he's a pretty good reason to go over there. I don't see why you can't go over there and then just say you wanted to swing by to say "hi." I'm really shy, too - but I think I could handle going to his department to say hi. If he does like you, he may realize that you made a special effort and that you aren't avoiding him. Start with a simple "hi" and how are things going over in his department and go off his cues. If he acts too busy to talk, then there you have it. End it with, "Good to see you, we hardly seem to bump into each other. Talk to you later." Even I wouldn't be too shy to do that and I TOTALLY got where you're coming from because I think I look like I'm avoiding guys sometimes, too, when I'm really not - just so shy!
Taramere Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 He seems happy to take the initiative in flirting here, so all you really need to do is ensure you make eye contact and smile at him at some point whenever the two of you are in the same room. Doesn't matter if you blush or stammer when you smile back at him....in fact, he'll probably love it if you do. I think he probably realises that you're shy, and I don't think a guy would squeeze your arm and say "hey pretty lady" unless he suspected that you fancied him. I also don't think he would do that unless he had a reasonable amount of confidence - ie enough to ask you out if you're giving him encouraging non verbals. However, if he doesn't step things up after a couple of weeks, then it may be wise to regard it as a flirtation that isn't likely to go anywhere, but that livens up the working day. If it starts to seem that way, you could always regard your flirty moments with him as practice in helping yourself overcome some of your shyness with men. Try to avoid attaching too much importance or emotion to it until you get a more definite sign that he's interested in seeing you outside of the workplace though.
Phateless Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 I suppport Candy's advice. Dig out information, make sure you're at least 90% sure he's interested and available before you go all out on him with your feelings. Try not to do anything weird, you'll just embarrass yourself more. Wrong. This is how you end up with a crush on someone for two years and never doing anything about it. Just go over and say hey. He'll say hey back. Then you say "think this day could go any slower?" and boom you're in a conversation. Not that hard.
iceknite Posted January 7, 2009 Posted January 7, 2009 I actually think the note on the car wouldn't be that bad of an idea. Just tell him to meet you somewhere maybe for drinks. Don't get piss drunk, just get a few drinks in you and you'll see you'll open up alot easier. As a very shy person myself, i find much easier to talk to someone in a 1-on-1 setting rather than being around alot of people. After that first date(if you want to call it) things we'll be much smoother. Just get over that hump and i think you can go far with this guy. Anyhow if you wait to long he may lose interest and you'll really regret it, trust me I know from experience. So tell us how it went if you finally get the courage to talk to him or ask him out.
Author brightlady2 Posted January 9, 2009 Author Posted January 9, 2009 Ok - this week when i was arriving at work i was bummed because I knew he was already gone - however as i was driving into the parking lot he wasn't gone yet, he was in his car. He saw me drive past and as I was getting out of my car, he drove past me in the next lane and stopped his car. His windows are tinted so I couldn't see what he was doing. He drove away though without saying or doing anything, but he stopped practically right in front of me. As I was walking in I noticed he'd parked closer by the store but I didn't see him when I was inside . The good news is though - we work the exact same schedule this weekend same time in, same lunch break, same time off. I've made up my mind to do or say SOMETHING. Wish me luck and thanks for the advice
Miss Ting Posted January 9, 2009 Posted January 9, 2009 Wrong. This is how you end up with a crush on someone for two years and never doing anything about it. I couldn't agree more. He seems to like you so just go talk to him. You have to conquer this shyness or you'll never get anywhere. You just taking this long and smiling are baby steps enough. Just go for it!
Phateless Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 This is a direct quote from ME in another recent thread about the exact same thing. YOU NEED TO MAKE A MOVE!!! You are doing this to yourself. You're inventing reasons why this won't work because you are afraid. If you don't want to do this, fine, but don't torture yourself with a guy you will never pursue. Life is about risks. Take one! here's the thread. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=174694
Author brightlady2 Posted January 18, 2009 Author Posted January 18, 2009 Ok - I saw him I was shopping and he walked by and said hi and then he came back and showed me this new cereal he was thinking about buying. (idk why either?) The thing is he always says something, smiles but keeps walking so i don't get the chance to prolong the conversation. Ok so tonight he walked past this room i was sitting in and smiled and waved so i got up to out and talk to him. I asked him how he liked the cereal and he looked almost bothered like maybe he didn't want to talk to me or something. Like he was bothered. I don't understand. Everyone keeps telling me to just talk to him and when i do - it turns out like this. I get a 3-4 word answer and he walks away. He barely turned around to answer me. I don't get it. Did I miss read everything else that I thought was signals that he liked me? I'm so confused and hurt right now. I went over it and over it for the rest of my shift. I figured maybe since his shift was over he was just preoccupied with get home. IDK - I'm ready to give up now. I know I won't be able to try to start a convo with him anymore because now i'm afraid hes just going to shut me down like tonight. Anyone who would like to lwt me know what you think please feel free. Did I just missread him? Is it time to give up?
Phateless Posted January 19, 2009 Posted January 19, 2009 Timing. Maybe he was distracted. Next time he talks to you, keep the conversation going and flirt with him. You need to try hard enough that you either succeed or fail. Not knowing causes you to waste time that could either be spent in a relationship with this guy, or getting to know someone else. No matter how you look at it, right now you are wasting your time.
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