movingonandon Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 So, for the first time in my life I have the chance to (casually) date 2 girls at once (that's why this is not in the infidelity forum, though techically deserves place there). Only a week ago it seemed like a great idea. I haven't done much except to "just" make arrangements for a date (I know... I know..., at least I can still disapear), but it is already beginnning to feel kind of icky. Doesn't seem like a great idea at all by now. Which pisses me off because who wouldn't want two hott girls instead of just one . But I hightly doubt it that I'll be able to do it. Of course, if I keep making baby steps, disaster will probably happen eventually. Good thing that I'm lazy. So I guess I'll just cut newcomer girl off, *sigh*. Anyway, I'm just surprised I wasn't particularly excited about the prospect at least for 30 minutes. Maybe I'm gay after all . So, I'd be interested to hear from the guys here. Has anybody pulled this off? What was the severity of the repercussions ? Most importantly - was it worth it?
Star Gazer Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I don't understand the problem. I casually date more than one guy all the time, and I fully expect they're doing the same until things get more serious AND we have a conversation about establishing exclusivity. Quite frankly, the people who assume exclusivity from the get-go really get on my nerves.
birdie Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I think I understand your dilemma OP, I am a woman and I know you asked for opinion from the guys but I don't think everything in dating is gender-specific. I assume you tend to date women whose company you enjoy and maybe you are a little fussy. Not just regarding looks but their personality as well. I am also guessing that you are not really into serial dating and prefer to decide about just one person whether she is for you or not. I don't want to read too much into it but maybe you are not even that crazy about casual dating either, perhaps you like the odd one-night-stand but that's different. I personally can't and won't date several people simultaneously even if it is acceptable in their culture (that isn't always the case!) because I only spend time with people that I connect with and there aren't that many of them around. Sure it's fun to sleep around sometimes but when it comes to dating I don't waste anyone's time and certainly don't want to hurt anyone - and vica versa.
Geishawhelk Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I think Star Gazer and I touched on this aspect before, and the difference in definition of dating in the UK and dating in the US is that American folk see it as a non-exclusive event, whilst most Uk-ers see it as a "one at a time until we decide it's serious or it's over". I don't know why this should be, but it seems to be the case. in my eyes, moving, you'd be a player. I'd be offended if I found you were dangling more than one lady off your key-ring. But I guess that's a possible cultural difference, so I mean no disrespect.
Author movingonandon Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 I don't understand the problem. I casually date more than one guy all the time, and I fully expect they're doing the same until things get more serious AND we have a conversation about establishing exclusivity. Quite frankly, the people who assume exclusivity from the get-go really get on my nerves. No, you're right if it's about going on a couple of dates w different people simultaneously and then narrowing it down to one person, I also don't see anything wrong with that. But, you've said yourself that you may multi-date though never "multi-sex", and I guess here lies the major definitional discrepancy of dating between men and women. (I don't think that many or most men would consider that they're really dating someoune unless they's also having sex with them). What I meant is the prospect of going on more than a couple of dates simultaneously, and also the prospect of sex with girl # 2 too. (If there are women out there that believe that this is ok I will consider believing in Christmas again :).)
Author movingonandon Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 I think Star Gazer and I touched on this aspect before, and the difference in definition of dating in the UK and dating in the US is that American folk see it as a non-exclusive event, whilst most Uk-ers see it as a "one at a time until we decide it's serious or it's over". I don't know why this should be, but it seems to be the case. in my eyes, moving, you'd be a player. I'd be offended if I found you were dangling more than one lady off your key-ring. But I guess that's a possible cultural difference, so I mean no disrespect. Well, in my mind dating is and should be exclusive, though I don't understand the difference between dating and a relaitonship so I might be wrong here. I'm also from Europe, and where I come from there is a the concept of "going out" with somebody, which rarely involves sex while the presumably equivalent concept of dating does involve sex most of the time. Which is great, but also confuses me .
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