Riffmeister General Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 It's been good reading other posts and seeing I'm not alone in all of this, so I'll post my story in the hopes it'll help others later. There was this girl. We worked together for a year, had EVERYTHING in common and got on great. She came to one of my gigs and asked me out, but I was in a relationship, so had to turn her down (one of the hardest things I've ever done). We kept in contact and met up once in London wayyy later. It was an awesome night and we hooked up. I was a wimp tho, and didn't tell her how much it meant to me, and to my disbelief, she was with another guy 2 weeks later. I was heartbroken. I'd check her status on Myspace now and again to see if she was single again, but I was so mad at her I completely cut contact. Fast forward a bit, she messaged me out of the blue. I knew she was single again, and although still hurt, it was great to hear from her. We talked about Download Festival, a metal festival in the UK we always went to, and decided to meet up. We got on great again, and on the way home, I decided, despite my plans to go to Canada for a year, I'd tell her how I felt. She was shocked, but happy, and suggested she could wait for me if I came back by Christmas. A few days later, she decided she wasn't gonna let me go again and she'd come out to visit at Christmas (this one) instead. We video called, texted, emailed, every day. I was so utterly in love with her. Every day she told me how much she missed me, how whenever she went out, she just wished I was there, and how excited she was to finally have me. I told her exactly the same. She even went for dinner with my folks! I picked her up at the airport. We'd talked about how excited we'd be when we were reunited and what we'd do, but it ended up being very understated. She was tired and it was a tiny bit awkward to begin with, which I put down to us being apart for 6 months. The next morning, she bursts into tears and tells me she's been confused for a month or so cos she's been having feelings for another guy, that I hadn't been there for her in the UK, and she had to leave. She'd come in the hope it'd all feel right again when she got here. It didn't. 6 months of hell in a terrible job so I'd have money to show her the most amazing time, missing her like crazy, so excited that she was coming, and she stays for 1 night and then dumps me. I'm totally devastated. My whole time here was built around her coming out to visit. I can't believe that girl I was so sure was the most perfect match, that had said all she'd said, could do that. With all that history between us! The girl that made me, for 6 months, not even LOOK at another girl (and I'm in Whistler!) that I could completely see myself, for the first time, marrying. So now, this is what I'm experiencing: - Total utter depression, humiliation, no appetite, sudden crying fits, constant butterflies etc etc - The feeling that I miss her so much I must be in contact with her. - I removed her from Facebook in an attempt to not be constantly reminded of her, only to regret the decision because now I can't get into what I know to be a self-destructive cycle of checking to see if she's single again. - Related point - trying not to get false hope. The most recent is that she gets back and soon realises she only had a crush on this other guy cos she missed me (although I can counter that by thinking she got here and it didn't feel right, but maybe she hasn't realised it yet...?) - Doubting if she ever meant anything she said, or when it really went wrong for her, 2 months ago, 3? - Thinking I'll never meet another girl who was so perfect for me AND wants to be with me. - The incomprehensible feeling that I just need to be with her, and that I'd take her back in a second. - Intense jealousy and anger that she's on the plane on the way home, not sad and upset at what's happened, but excited to be going back to the other guy and relieved this whole thing is over. - Can't stop daydreaming about if that had never happened and we were still together, as happy as ever. I don't know what to do. Well, everyone tells me what I should do, keep busy, cleanse yourself of everything to do with her (Facebook, photo's etc etc), but nothing seems to be helping. I know it only happened 2 days ago, but it hurts so bad I'll do anything to feel better. I even caught myself contemplating suicide, which I quickly talked myself out of. What's worse is I'm completely away from all the people I need around me right now, and just want to go home. Any advice gratefully received!
hurtnconfused2 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 You are not alone, and what you are expiencing is part of the grieving process. It would be so nice to fast forward ourselves to that point in time where we feel normal again, unfortunately this is a path each of us must walk. Take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. I am not sure of your age, but I`m in my mid thirties, and I can honestly promise you that there is no one in the world that is worth giving up your life for. I am struggling myself, I`ve been rejected 3 times for an ex. So I am well used to what the steps are. I wish I could tell you that it will magically go away, it won`t. What you are feeling is absolutely natural, she should have never come feeling the way she did. The problem is that it takes courage to tell someone the trust, a quality that many seriously lack. You have your whole life ahead of you, don`t let what one girl did take that from you. This is a great site, and everyone here has been hurt or hurting, so take it from the pros when we tell you this is all very natural. You know what, let it out, grab a box of tissues, and cry till there is no more tears left to flow. Sit down with pen and paper and write how you feel. Do this everyday you will see the changes in yourself in a short while. Sometimes the fact that we`ve been fooled so easily is just as damaging, I won`t say this is an easy road because it is anything but easy. I will promise you that it will make you stronger, never lose sight of who you are, which from what I`ve read is a good man. Don`t forget that.
Sexy Kitty Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I know how your feeling. I'm going through all kinds of feelings right now alot like yours. What if I did this or said this or could have done this. I haven't deleted the guy from facebook yet. Everyone says I should so then I wont be tempted to look. I can't do it though. He deserves to be deleted though. Before the guy I recently broke up with I was with someone else almost a year. That was the worst breakup ever. Even harder then this one as I was with him longer. There were times when I thought "what's the point" in living etc...But I soon realized that no one if worth taking my life over. Plus I could never do that to myself or family. He wasnt worth it. I hope you won't do anything to hurt yourself. Just hang in there and know things will get better. It will hurt for awhile but time heals.
Author Riffmeister General Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 HurtnConfused - I'm 26, turning 27 in Jan, and that was another thing that bothered me, I was convinced I'd never have to go through the whole meeting someone, dating, getting to know etc etc, and thought among other things that 26 was a great age to meet THE one. I thought I had. She didn't. You're also right, she shouldn't have come if she was confused, what a risk! It'd have been easier if she'd let me know in advance, instead of arriving, everything being fine then BAM! Thanks for the tip too about writing what I'm feeling. I'll try to do that every day and see how it progresses... Sexy Kitty - Yeah, the Facebook thing was hard, but I would just have kept seeing new photo's posted of her and her new bloke on the News Feed, and I couldn't handle that. I use Facebook to keep in contact with buddies back home, so I use it a lot. I do sometimes wish I could see what was going on, but would I ever see anything I wanted to? I can assure you tho that the suicidal moment was fleeting and isn't a serious consideration. I couldn't make my family suffer like that because of one stupid, confused and obviously very fickle girl.
LEANER1 Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Hey Riff, suicide is definitely not the answer to any problem. From your post I think it is safe to assume you are in a hard rock/metal band, well god bless brother. You have the perfect outlet to let the emotions fly. I actually have no music skills whatsoever but I have many friends in bands that just become different people when they play. You are able to show your soft or weak side here possibly due to the aninimity but when you are playing.............man tear some **** up and let things go. I promise, it will feel good. Be strong bro and keep posting............. leaner
Author Riffmeister General Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 Hey Riff, suicide is definitely not the answer to any problem. From your post I think it is safe to assume you are in a hard rock/metal band, well god bless brother. You have the perfect outlet to let the emotions fly. I actually have no music skills whatsoever but I have many friends in bands that just become different people when they play. You are able to show your soft or weak side here possibly due to the aninimity but when you are playing.............man tear some **** up and let things go. I promise, it will feel good. Be strong bro and keep posting............. leaner Damn straight I am! Trouble is, that's the biggest thing we had in common, and at the mo it feels tainted, and like it brings back too many memories, but I did listen to some while riding today, and it wasn't so bad. Can't let her ruin everything good in my life! Unfortunately I'm not in a band over here in Canada, but I'm thinking of leaving in Feb after my buddy's been to visit, so I'll go back to that and yeah, it will be a cathartic experience, I'm sure. A band you've been in for a while is more than a group of mates, it's a family, they're your brothers and everything's a lot sweeter in life when you're really locked into a groove. Bit slushy and poetic, I know, but it's true! Actually, this whole forum thing has helped so much today. Not only the advice I've been given, but reading other people's posts and trying to help them is pretty healing in itself. Compare me now to me this time last night, WOW! What a difference a day makes! Maybe time does heal...
hereandnow Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Hey, what's up man. Figured I'd get in on your thread here. This place has helped me tremendously as well. I see you're fresh out of the gate. I was really tore up right after the breakup. Like others have said, it's all natural, and we've been there. I found out that my ex set herself on facebook about a month or so after the break. Thank God I'm not on there! I did in a weak moment look at her profile picture and friends, luckily I didn't see anything crushing. I'm a metal man myself. Guitarist as well, but haven't picked up in a while. Been jamming Slayer, Megadeth, Danzig, Maiden, Opeth, Mastadon, The Sword, stuff like that recently. Nothing too outlandish, I don't care for a lot of the new stuff coming out. Just saw Metallica for the 4th time when they came around. Saw Gwar for the 2nd time a couple of weeks ago. Keep posting man!
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