LoveLace Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I was out the other night and met a cute guy. Not that age is of huge importance, but it's always something I want to know...and he looked younger than me (32) so I wanted to know just how young...but he tried to avoid answering me than he finally said "thirty-something". This was before telling him my age. To me he could pass for 23 but he sord of had a baby face...and his friends looked in their earlier 20's too...if you are a person in your 30's it's easier to spot those who are that age where they haven't gotten the paryin' out of their system... He texted me the next night and asked me out and I said yes. But I'm wondering what to do about the age thing because now it's bothering me. There as definitely an "innocence" about him but the whole time we hung out, he was in a constant state "wow" because of the fact that I liked him....when we exchanged #'s he says "are you serious?" like that's so unlikely...I might be cute but he was acting like I'm a goddess and guys don't normally act that way with me!..which also leads me to question his age (minimal experience)...and I hate to say it but younger than 26 is a deal breaker for me...or someone who might be too emotionally dependent is a deal breaker too...and the guy already acts overly into me so if didn't work out....it'd be the kind of situation where you worry about a person's fragile state... He's calling later this week for us to make plans...how should I handle this without hurting his feelings and demand the truth at the same time? If I find out he's really in his 30's, yes I'll be more willing to go out with him. But if not, I'll have to cut if off and look shallow.
Rebellious Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Many guys go through a stage of dating older women, they do it for sport, curiosity, but it always feels icky after a while. I think it's a rite of passage, braking the final taboo -- having sex with mommy.
D-Lish Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Many guys go through a stage of dating older women, they do it for sport, curiosity, but it always feels icky after a while. I think it's a rite of passage, braking the final taboo -- having sex with mommy. I don't know if a 23 year old wanting to go out on a date with a 32 year old makes it a "mommy" thing....lol. Of course guys lie about their age. When I was about "32", I dated a guy that said he was 25... he turned out to be 23. That's okay though... I was actually 35 and at the time and also lying about my age:eek:. I went through the stage of not wanting to age... I'm over it now. People can look much younger than their age though, that happens as well. I met a guy in Florida last week and I honestly thought he was 25-26.... He turned out to be 35!! He didn't look it at all. Why not just go with the flow and have a second date with him. Maybe ask to see his I.D....? lol.
CBR_pilot Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Honesty is always the best thing. If this ends up becoming a relationship, then the truth will eventually come out, but by then, it'll be too late. If it's still a "deal breaker" for you, then it will also be hurtful for both of you. So, the bottom line is to ask him to be completely honest, and tell you his age. I don't typically like to make age a "deal-breaker", but honesty is definitely a must.
Posco_Proudfoot Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 To be honest, if I'm already lying about my age it seems like that could just start off bad or into both of lying about the smallest things. Like no trust even at the offset. No?
youngandhopeful Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 if im honest i did lie about my age once. I was 19 the girl was 27. She guessed my age was 23, so i didnt correct her. On the first date i told her that i hadn't been honest with her, and that i was really 19. She took it on the chin, and we had a nice night, then went our seperate ways. In hindsight, it was a daft thing to do. If your looking for something serious, lying about anything is a no no (IMO) be yourself
D-Jam Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I've seen it happen the other way around. Seen guys who dress and do up their hair and style to look early 20s...because they want to try to pick up younger girls (18-22). Imagine 30something guys tanning, coloring and spiking their hair, earrings, younger-age fashions, and they hang out in the spots full of the younger girls...mainly glam clubs and college bars. I never lie about my age...but I do get some shock from some when I say I'm 35.
Author LoveLace Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 D-Lish, I did actually ask to see his I.D. when I was trying to get a number out of him...he didn't show it to me... I'm guessing that his final answer of "in the 30's" was to shut me up and/or his judging of about how old I am...most people say I look about the age I am. If I say, "look, please tell me how old you are because I need to know", his response will likely be "why?"...because he'll either be a) still trying to hide it or B) wondering why I'm so hung up on what seems like a minor issue. How am I supposed to answer? "Because if your'e too young then your probably not experienced enough for me" ? That sounds mean...though true... I never could stand guys act like "OMG I can't believe you like me!" because it's a sign of low self-esteem and emotional dependence! But I did have fun with him and of course I can live with flattery...so I figured if we go out again and he continues to sound like a puberty-bound boy with a crush on his teacher, I could say something like: "You shouldn't talk like that because it makes it sound as though you are not confident and I like confident guys."
2sunny Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 if you know his name and where he lives or any pertinent info about him just do a back ground check on him. that way you have no need to wonder.
MN randomguy Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 "Because if your'e too young then your probably not experienced enough for me" ? That sounds mean...though true... I never could stand guys act like "OMG I can't believe you like me!" because it's a sign of low self-esteem and emotional dependence! But I did have fun with him and of course I can live with flattery...so I figured if we go out again and he continues to sound like a puberty-bound boy with a crush on his teacher, I could say something like: "You shouldn't talk like that because it makes it sound as though you are not confident and I like confident guys." OK, Well, if you like the flattery, why not roll with it. Worse case scenario you are teaching him that he can at least pick-up a cougar. If he acts too giddy, yeah tell him you don't like it. If he can't stop it dump him and he'll know what he needs to work on. I doubt he's going to cut you up and haul you around in his trunk if that's what you mean by so if didn't work out....it'd be the kind of situation where you worry about a person's fragile state... He's lying about his age, so already losing some of that innocence. We're counting on you to make him jaded and experienced. Then the young girls will like him and all will be well with the world.
Jersey Shortie Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Yes. Men lie about their age. Men lie about their weight. And men lie about their height. Men lie about all the things women do. This doesn't make men or women "evil". It makes them insecure and trying to hook the bait with a more flashy lure. Who can blame us? Victoria's Secret hooks the bate with padded/push up bras. Pizza Hut hooks the bate with sizzling cheese and sauce that just looks so darn good in the commerical but never that good in person. We've done it to ourselves. We've set unrealistic expectations that even we don't meet but expect out of others. I digress. It's never good to get off to a wrong foot in a white lie but no one here has never told a lie. That I am 100% sure of. I've fudged or worded things on dating and work-aplications to puff myself up a bit. We all do to some extent or another. Many guys go through a stage of dating older women, they do it for sport, curiosity, but it always feels icky after a while. I think it's a rite of passage, braking the final taboo -- having sex with mommy. I thought they did it because it feels soo gooood..not because it's icky. Again, I digress. I never heard of a man saying it's a right or passage or because he wants "mommy". And I think it's very persumption of you to think that the only reason a man would date an older woman was for sport or he only think it's "icky"...and this is coming from a young woman so please don't think I am some middle age woman defending my peer group.
Author LoveLace Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 OK, Well, if you like the flattery, why not roll with it. Worse case scenario you are teaching him that he can at least pick-up a cougar. If he acts too giddy, yeah tell him you don't like it. If he can't stop it dump him and he'll know what he needs to work on. I doubt he's going to cut you up and haul you around in his trunk if that's what you mean by He's lying about his age, so already losing some of that innocence. We're counting on you to make him jaded and experienced. Then the young girls will like him and all will be well with the world. Good advice thanks. When I said "fragile state" though I didn't mean he'd be the type to turn psycho (then again I guess you never know) if I broke it off with him...I meant he might be hurt easily and I don't want that because he seems sweet...that is if he isn't lying about his age...
Lizzie60 Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Yes.. a LOT of men lie about their age.. It happened to me a lot.. a guy I dated for a few years.. lied about his age.. he was scared I would have turned him off.. since he was 20 years younger.. he only add 5 years to his age.. He finally confessed about 6 months ago.. The older ones usually take out the years.. ... I find that both women AND men lie about their age... I did.. a few times.
D-Lish Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 OK, Well, if you like the flattery, why not roll with it. Worse case scenario you are teaching him that he can at least pick-up a cougar. We're counting on you to make him jaded and experienced. Then the young girls will like him and all will be well with the world. Then he will HATE hearing "OH MY GOD... LIKE, YOU KNOW????" And he's ruined for good.
Author LoveLace Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 Then he will HATE hearing "OH MY GOD... LIKE, YOU KNOW????" And he's ruined for good. :laugh: If he fess'es up with his real age and it's still not too young for me, then it's forgivable if I like him. But if he fess'es up and he's definitely too young for me (under 25/26 is what I"ll go with here) I'll have to break his heart...that's how much he seems to like me already...as though I already have the power to hurt him...I don't like that feeling...
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 My friend dated a guy who had two 37th birthdays while she was dating him. She was like, I thought you already had your 37th birthday? Turns out he was 45, but he never got older than 37 to the ladies.
MN randomguy Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I'll have to break his heart...that's how much he seems to like me already...as though I already have the power to hurt him...I don't like that feeling... This is sticking with me. I'd already closed my browser and was about to shut down. I'd never thought of this. I think the women in my family live for this kind of power. Two things. 1. Do you claw to the top of the social pile with other women as I would deem normal? 2. Do you realize that its not you specifically that has this power. If he's not confident he's all about female attention from an attractive female. (little known secret. most men view about 60%of the female population as attractive) I don't think you should be so concerned with this. Getting hurt is part of the game. It will make him not so much of an Eager Larry next time. Of course, don't go out of your way to be a beaytch. Maybe he's playing a role and is really a playa. Anyone remember the Bloodhound gang lyrics about older women?
WendE Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Maybe it is only me, but I think age is WAY over rated. Physical age, anyway, the age a person is on their drivers license. Much more important is the emotional age of a person. So, with this guy, the fact that he fibbed is a bad sign. But if you want to got out with him, I say go out with him no matter what his (claimed) age.
BentSpine Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 If he adores you then he thinks no other woman measures up to you. Don't you like that? It's easy for a man to act confident/aloof when they don't value you. Why not give him a chance to find out how he makes you feel.
Author LoveLace Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 If he adores you then he thinks no other woman measures up to you. Don't you like that? It's easy for a man to act confident/aloof when they don't value you. Why not give him a chance to find out how he makes you feel. I think I like that as much as any other woman would...I just felt is was a tad overboard, considering I just met him and considering it was in a way that makes me question his maturity/experience, and self-esteem.. But he seems sweet enough to get a chance and I plan to go out with him. Between that and learning his real age, it could end up a flop or better than I imagine. I figure one date can't hurt him too much...right? Long as I remember that he probably deserves my honesty about what I want from that point on, which might be nothing...only 1 way to find out so what the hay.
Ruby Slippers Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 A friend of mine and her boyfriend just broke up. He confessed he was lying to her about his age the whole time. Told her he was 37, but he's actually 43.
flc Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Age as a number is irrelevant, maybe I say that since I am now 51, but I feel that you can be both emotional and physically older or younger than your numeric age so why bother with it? Too bad many people these days seem to be emotionally younger and physically look older than their numeric age, should be the other way around.
Author LoveLace Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 A friend of mine and her boyfriend just broke up. He confessed he was lying to her about his age the whole time. Told her he was 37, but he's actually 43. That's so wrong...it's one thing to lie about age when you 1st meet because you may just be trying to impress...but to let the lie go on is just so wrong! If I date this guy, I won't rest until I see his I.D.!!
mortensorchid Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 WHY do people lie about their ages?!?! I have never lied about my age. I have had some guys lie to me about their ages, usually with some bull---- excuse. One said that he was in his 40s but told me that he was in his 30s because he said that women expect that guys should have achieved more in their lives than he has. And true to his word, he is a loser. If they are not honest about their age, they are lying about other things too. Red flags! Red flags!
zilverenvlinder Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 One thing is for sure, they definitely lie about their height. LOL. They'll ALWAYS add at least an inch.
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