ridic Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Ok, usually in this situation I would bounce immediately and just stop talking to the girl but she has kind of convinced me she was being completely honest with me when she said, "she was really into me, would be really upset if we didn't speak any longer but wasn't ready for a serious relationship". She just moved to my city and got out of a short relationship in her hometown, just started a new job and works 60hrs a week. Things were moving really fast for about a month and a half before this talk, even too fast for me when I stop to think about it. After this "talk" we had we haven't really been speaking as frequently or seeing each other as frequently but did still exchange some small Xmas gifts. I know I like her alot, Im confused about what I even want and think I'm just getting sucked in even more because I was denied the option of a relationship. Is it worth hanging around and seeing what happens because I like her or should I just tell her we shouldn't see each other anymore? At this point I'm thinking I should just get out because the mixed signals are starting to drive me a little crazy
CBR_pilot Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 If you really like her, and you've already made that clear, then the best thing to do, is simply date her when it's convenient, but don't get your hopes up. Move on, and date other people. It sounds like she's either not sure if she's really interested or not, or she's found another guy. Either way, girls have a tendency to keep guys waiting in the wings. Unless you're a total jerk or something, she'll keep you hanging on by a thread. Besides, one of the best ways to make yourself look attractive to a women is to be dating other women. If she's giving you the brush-off, and then sees you happily dating someone else, then she might start wondering if she was missing something.
Author ridic Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 thanks for the quick feedback, I also failed to mention that she said, "she'd be upset if I saw someone else". Mind boggling
Frankasy Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I swear I'm in exactly your situation. Same thing. Well at first I was thinking of just letting her go but afterwords I thought really carefully and I knew that I loved this girl and that I couldn't let her go. I tried my best to earn her trust, make her feel special, things that would lift me up in ranks. Eventually I started to get even closer to her. Now my real test begins tomorrow, I'm gonna meet her cause we live away from each other and see if she still has the same opinion of me as before. I suggest you do the same.
reservoirdog1 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I have to echo what CBR said. You can put it to her nicely; tell her you really like her and would love it if something serious could develop, but if it can't, you'd be happy to be friends with her. But you also need to make clear that it's not fair for you to have to wait around in the hopes that she'll be into a serious relationship in the future. If you do that, you're her backup guy. You don't deserve to be anybody's second choice. Remind yourself of this, as often as you need to. You're a first choice, or nothing. I appreciate that she could well be being honest with you, and that's great, but it's your life too, and you have a right to get on with it.
fishtaco Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Agree with CBR_pilot. You are ready to move on to exclusive relationship with her right? That's why you had the talk? Well, make it clear. Either it's exclusive, or it's not. You don't have to tell her you're seeing other people. Normally when you multi-date you want to keep them separate anyway. Problem with situations like this is that you could invest and invest, then later they'll say sorry, I'm out. This happens to both men and women. You could do that to her too, you might change your mind, no one knows the future. That's just how it is. If you want someone, go into exclusivity. If you're not willing to go there, then you don't have the right to demand it. If you do whatever she says, then you're just some guy she's kicking around. She's not ready but at the same time she doesn't want you to date other people? Sorry, doesn't work that way. Having a backbone will actually earn her respect. Be a gentleman and let her have the choice, but you specify the choices she can pick from - either exclusive, or you multi-date.
Rebellious Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Date other girls so you don't concentrate too much on her, otherwise you may confuse lust with love.
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