starzphalling Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 So on xmas eve my bf told me that he was having mixed feelings about me switching colleges and moving closer to him (right now we're a days drive away from one another). Been really good friends for 3 years, been dating for somewhere between 3 and 4 months, we kinda fell into it so i can't pinpoint a day. Ok since he told me he was having mixed feelings, i told him if he wanted to talk i was here otherwise i'd give him space and wait for him to contact me. Got a merry xmas text on the 25th, but beyond that i have heard nothing from him. The question is, is around a week an ok time to ask him what is going on? i hate being in this limbo. and after this morning there is another complication to it. apparently the doctor suspects and wants to send me for lymphoma tests/biopsy, so i'm beyond stressed at this point, and want nothing more than to pick up the phone. My main question, is am i making a mistake by asking him whats going on or just checking if he still needs time? and to double check that i shouldn't say anything about the doctors visit, no matter how much i want to, it wouldn't be fair to him right? and for those wondering, yes i have been thinking a lot about it, and pretty much have laid out what i want to say: so its been about a week, and i haven't heard from you. do you need more time? is this your way of breaking up with me? i don't want to pressure you in any way, and if you need more time its fine, i just want some idea of whats going on. i've missed talking to you and hope to hear from you soon. thats about as good as i can do, keeping all the girly craziness out of it, that i so want to ramble on and on with. please give me some feedback guys, i'm beyond lost, and i think my brain is getting close to shutting down.
saturnfell Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 If you;re going to contact him, I would not have as many questions as you have lined up. I would be polite, ask how he is, ask about his Christmas and then proceed with a status report. Inquire as to what he's thinking about your relationship and it's standing. Take it one step at a time. I know you have a million questions going through your mind, but it's best if you don't ask them all at once. I think you need to get a general idea for how he's feeling right now. I'm sorry about the news from your physician. I understand you probably want him to be there for you, and I'm sure he will be if you need him to be down the road, but for now. I would not mention anything until after you've been to the doctor. But again, that's just my opinion. However, depending on how your initial conversation / Q&A session will determine whether you should bring it up this time or not. That decision is yours. This is your health, only you know what's best and how you want to handle it. I hope you're well, and wish you the best. How often were you seeing one another prior to the switching colleges conversation?
Author starzphalling Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 we have only been able to spend a bit over a week together as a couple. school and jobs get in the way but we have been part of the same online community for years, so we spend quite a bit of "time" together, he was planning on coming out new years...but yeah...something tells me thats not happening anymore. the unfortunate part of long distance, is you really get emotionally hooked because its what you have to work with. it just all changed in the last two weeks (and yes, up until those two weeks we had excellent communication about what was going on with us), so i don't know...blah someone toss a meteor at me please ***edit: i forgot to add, that this didn't happen as soon as i brought the conversation up about college. he knew i had been planning this for quite a while, when we first started talking about me coming down there we were still only considering ourselves friends, so its been a while, since we first talked about it, so i'm leaning towards, the reality of it is scaring him, but he won't talk about it, so i have no clue what to do /end edit ***
Author starzphalling Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 ok...yup....i've lost all courage to call...the pain of not knowing but having that hope is looking a lot better than getting blatantly shut down...so maybe we'll go another day...or million
Riffmeister General Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 the unfortunate part of long distance, is you really get emotionally hooked because its what you have to work with. Wow, that bit really hit me hard! It's so true! Thanks for the insight!
saturnfell Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 ok...yup....i've lost all courage to call...the pain of not knowing but having that hope is looking a lot better than getting blatantly shut down...so maybe we'll go another day...or million Ok, wait... ***buzzer*** No. You obviously want to know, and you have every right to get an answer. It's not fair to you. No matter how much fear your experiencing, think about how many more days you're going to go in circles about this entire situation. I would just open the lines of communication with him and get it out. There's no time like the present. You're selecting personal upset. Look, you have something you need to know... the only person who knows the answer is this guy. You're going to ask one day; therefore you're going to get the answer one day. Why put it off any longer? Regardless of what his response may be, wouldn't you rather know now? Get it over with? It's not worth working yourself up. I'm here, pick up the phone and make the call.
Author starzphalling Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 did you just jeapordy wrong answer buzz me i know, im trying to build it back up, and hope my stomach stops churning, and i don't burst into sappy girly crying fits on the phone...i'm prepared to come back late tonight, yelling more than enough though (time difference means i gotta wait a little bit). starting to hope he doesn't answer, so i can just text a quick message...soooomeone was too lazy to set their voicemail up.... but that could play out well for me...fight or flight....i yell and run.... blah i have to stop typing on here, and do something about this arg! alright fine...i'll do it..but im not happy about it... (yes sarcasm is my thing, don't think im not serious about all this....i just don't like serious)
Author starzphalling Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 ok i've reached the end of my sarcastic abilities. i sucked it up and called last night, twice - an hour apart to give the benefit of the doubt, but he didn't answer. so i guess i have my answer now. i'm going to go listen to loud music and wallow in self pity now.
saturnfell Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Hi, Did he call you back? I'm glad you called and didn't send a text. Text messages are wonderful at driving a person mad. P.S. loud music works.
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