jchjs Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Do you believe in instant attraction? Have you ever locked eyes with someone, both smiled and felt an instant connection and intense attraction? What have you done when this happened? This happened to me the last week at the gym. After lots of glances over time, we both locked eyes and smiled, I have never quite experienced anything like it. The next day he started saying hi to me so it was mutual. He did ignore me one day, (prior post--thought he was playing a game) then was friendly again the next time I saw him. I'm still not sure how to follow up with this, should I wait it out and see if he starts more of a conversation? I am quite a bit older than him, so I don't want it to be awkward if I approach him. Any advise?
Geishawhelk Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Do you believe in instant attraction? Have you ever locked eyes with someone, both smiled and felt an instant connection and intense attraction? Yes. What have you done when this happened? Moved in with him.
fishtaco Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Instant attractions happen. They just don't always end well.
Phateless Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I have had this happen. Sometimes you dance with someone and the second you have your hands on each other the world disappears. It's crazy.
Trialbyfire Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Yes, I do believe in instant attraction although more times than not, after talking to them for a few minutes, realize that the sparkle in their eyes has nothing to do with intelligence. Then...the attraction dies in spandau ballet fashion.
D-Lish Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Instant attractions happen. They just don't always end well. I tend to agree with this! I had an online date with a dude a while back and as soon as he opened the door you could cut the sexual tension with a knife. It fizzled out after a couple months.
Rebellious Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Do you believe in instant attraction? Have you ever locked eyes with someone, both smiled and felt an instant connection and intense attraction? What have you done when this happened? This happened to me the last week at the gym. After lots of glances over time, we both locked eyes and smiled, I have never quite experienced anything like it. The next day he started saying hi to me so it was mutual. He did ignore me one day, (prior post--thought he was playing a game) then was friendly again the next time I saw him. I'm still not sure how to follow up with this, should I wait it out and see if he starts more of a conversation? I am quite a bit older than him, so I don't want it to be awkward if I approach him. Any advise? I responded to your previous post as well. Just because you "felt an instant connection and intense attraction" doesn't mean he did too. A woman's worst mistake is to be guided by her feelings without facts confirming them.
D-Jam Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I believe instant attraction can happen, but it doesn't happen AND work out as often as most people wish it would. Most of the time it's people feeling attracted instantly, but they get involved quickly and then end up finding red flags, differences, or even that one person was putting on an act to shag the other.
JamesM Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Do you believe in instant attraction? Have you ever locked eyes with someone, both smiled and felt an instant connection and intense attraction? Yes. What have you done when this happened? I ended up marrying the first one, and after that any time it happens, I remind myself that I am married. Yes, it still happens. The question becomes...after getting to know one another, is that attraction still there enough to make a commitment? I'm still not sure how to follow up with this, should I wait it out and see if he starts more of a conversation? I am quite a bit older than him, so I don't want it to be awkward if I approach him. Any advise? Becoming friends and letting it go where it may is never wrong unless one or both of you are married. Two questions remain to be answered: Is HE married and did he REALLY feel that intense attraction?
youngandhopeful Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I think lust is instant, love is something which grows. However i have met women and had an instant rapor with them. Something which is so natural its enjoyable to be around them
Star Gazer Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Yes, I do believe in instant attraction although more times than not, after talking to them for a few minutes, realize that the sparkle in their eyes has nothing to do with intelligence. Then...the attraction dies in spandau ballet fashion. As for me, yes... It's happened. Several times. I usually end up sleeping with them sooner then I'd like, and then one of us turns into a needy, emotional mess. That which takes off like a rocket is certain to come down like one. I prefer the slow burn...
blind_otter Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Every LTR I've ever had started with instant, white hot attraction. My Dad said he fell in love with my mom when he first met her, too. However, it took her 3 years to agree to marry him. It isn't always mutual.
Isolde Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I have felt it, but I'd [most likely] rather experience a milder attraction that grows over time.
That Emotion Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Instant attraction is a 'beauty is skin deep' thing. It has no real foundation. But, to ask me if I believe in it, well, yeah, I do. It exists. So I believe in it. I also believe in the half empty bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream I'm looking at.
Isolde Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 My theory is that most relationships start with some level of instant attraction, but the extreme cases of this phenomenon usually don't work out.
kashmir Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Instant attraction is the sexual organs and substances in your body yelling at you to copulate with the said individual. Subconsciously, it probably has to do with all that Freud crap about having a mental image of a the so-called "perfect" mate of the opposite sex. This individual is essentially the perfect genetic counterpart; all of his/her genes will coordinate with your own genes so that your offspring has the best possible chance of exhibiting all of your advantageous traits. Your mate will also mask any of your negative traits that you pass to your offspring. Of course, the man or woman you see is not "perfect," but pretty damn close. While we cannot consciously see a person and understand what genes they posses based merely on physical appearance, subconsciously our minds probably have a mild understanding of how genes that make very specific outward physical details are linked to other genes that could potentially go deeper than the skin. In other words, our subconscious can examine a trait, person's head shape, and correlate it to some other linked trait that affects say the efficiency of blood flow from the heart to the brain. So it takes hundreds or even thousands of physical traits that it observes in Mr./Mrs. Love At First Sight and analyzes them to discover that this person's genetic makeup comes remarkably closer than others' to the genetic makeup of your perfect mate. Uh...just my 2 cents.
Author jchjs Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 All of my previous relationships including my very long term one have been very slow to develop, grew over time. That's why this really kind of knocked me over when it happened. I remember thinking "wow that was really interesting!" I wonder how much of attraction is just being in the right place at the right time (and in the right mood) or how much is related to the Freudian theory. Sounds like most of your experiences fizzled out rather quickly. I wonder if you can sustain it better or longer than the slow burning type since it starts at such a higher level? I agree that love tends to grow and develop over time and there are various levels of love. I just wonder how important attraction is to sustain a relationship over the long term and whether it starting off at such a high intensity effects the burn out?
Lizzie60 Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Yes .. of course it happens... The last time it happened to me.. (gosh I love to 'relive' this moment in my head).. was in Cancun.. on vacation. This young guy entered the room.. he was drop-dead gorgeous.. latino.. I thought he was one of the entertainer.. he was the most beautiful guy I've seen.. we locked eyes.. my friend (who traveled with me) noticed him.. and she said 'Good gawd.. this guy is something.. I saw the look he gave you'... and I just shrugged.. as I thought he was really out of my league.. there were tons of young beauties on the beach. A few days later, I was having lunch with another woman I had met there.. he came to my table.. and asked me if he could talk to me later.. I almost fainted.. That afternoon we had a small chat.. and I thought I wouldn't see him again.. (he was kind of 'lukewarm')... but the next day.. oh my gawd... what a 'treat' this vacation was... This guy was the youngest I ever had.. he was 23.. I was 54. I will never ever forget those few days.. we still email once in a while...
Storyrider Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjphAmuAlJs&feature=related This either belonged here or on the mouse thread.
WendE Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Instant attraction? Absolutely! I think that attraction can be real and, unlike other commenters here, can be more than skin deep. But I also think that attraction is too often mistaken for love, which is a state beyond attraction.
birdie Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I had the 'eyes across a crowded room' experience a couple of years ago. It was a very very busy bar, he turned back and smiled at me, I smiled back but there were so many people we got pushed apart. Hours later I was just about to go home and it was my last dance to a cheesy Queen song when he tapped my shoulder, we were in bed 30 minutes later (he lived very close to the place). We didn't even have that much sex but mainly talked. Eventually we both moved because neither of us were from the country where we met but the connection is so strong that we still talk. I saw him last week on a different continent where he lives now - this is 2 years later. It was amazing. I felt stronger and deeper love for others but this one is amazing on a different level. We agreed that neither of us can ignore the strength of the initial connection.
Ross PK Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Have you ever locked eyes with someone, both smiled and felt an instant connection and intense attraction? What have you done when this happened? Never. But of course, I've looked at women and instantly found them attractive.
runner Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 this is a funny question. how does one 'believe' in instant attraction ? it's either you know it from experience, or you don't, isn't it ? but more to the point: yes, instant attraction happens all the time with me, and i love it.
pandagirl Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Yup, of course instant attraction happens! It's great, but completely unsubstantiated. For me, instant attraction just doesn't have to do with the physical -- it's always had to do with a feeling of a "connection." Like, seeing a person and feeling like you've known them forever even though you've never even talked to them. It's just one of those things that no one can explain. It has to do with your subconscious, intuition and years of romantic programming. Of course, these feelings can only be proven true if you get to know the person. I think it's pure luck if it turns into a real relationship, because really -- having these feelings is us projected our wishes and hopes onto a person we don't even know. It's a great feeling though!
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