hereandnow Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Today will be my 10th day of no contact with my ex gf. This will be the farthest I've managed to get since the breakup 2 months ago. Made 9 days before, broke it Thanksgiving. We were at the same meeting Sat night. I managed to get through it without talking to her, heck, I hardly even looked at her. The one time I glanced in her direction she started to give me a little smile but I didn't hold eye contact. It was empowering, being able to do that. She left before I went outside. Makes me think she noticed the "cold" treatment. Oh well, being warm toward her hasn't really done me many favors anyway. I'm not trying to be mean to her or anything, I love the girl, just trying to hold onto NC. The last time I tried NC I almost immediately started thinking, Oh, I'll call her Wed, or I just won't call her today. Right now I'm feeling much stronger about the whole thing. Funny thing happened yesterday too. I had seen her hanging out with this guy and I thought they were dating. Well yesterday a friend of mine invited me to a movie and said that this guy and his gf were going. I immediately thought Oh s*** she's gonna be there. So I asked my friend about it and he said this guy's girlfriend was in from NY and that yeah, he had hung out with my ex but that was all. So it turns out this whole time I was sure that she was dating him when probably they were just hanging out as friends. My ex did have some friends that are men (which I really wasn't that comfortable with) so it does make sense. Anyway, feeling all right today, think I'll go for a run. Support/feedback much appreciated!
saturnfell Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Congratulations on holding strong at 10 days! Tomorrow will be 11, and then you'll be at 14 before you know it (two weeks!) Good for you. Try not to pay too much attention to who's she's with and what she's doing. As you see from your example, speculation is a terrible thing. Stay as far away from it as possible, so you don't find yourself wondering. Also, good going on looking away and not making contact. You're doing awesome. You'll be fine, from the sound of it, you'll get through this no problem. Stay strong!
Riffmeister General Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Hey dude. 10 days, that's pretty good going man. What makes it impressive is you clearly still hang out at the same places and see her about, which must make it really hard. In a sense, I think it's hard for me being in a different country (now beginning to wonder why I was surprised we broke up!) cos she stopped me feeling lonely in a foreign country away from my mates, and I got dependent on her, so it's hard to break that habit, but equally, it must be hard to be seeing an ex regularly. It'd be way too soon for me. I'd be interested to see how I get on. In a sense I don't want to be NC with her, I want her to be my friend, but I know deep down the reason at the moment is so we're still in contact in case she becomes available again, and that's not cool. So, I made a pact with myself. I'm allowed to e-mail her in a week's time if I really feel I need some answers or need to tell her something new. If I'm just re-hashing stuff I've already said, I'll bin it.
Author hereandnow Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 Thanks for the support! Yes, speculation is a motherf***er! That's why it's best for me not to see her. I may see her talking to some guy and then it's over in my head. But, guess what, since I now know she's probably not seeing the guy referenced in the original post, I've already started thinking Oh, she must be seeing this other guy then. Ugh. Yeah, I definitely don't need to be seeing her too much in social situations. I may as well get out my other paranoid/obsessive thought that's running through my brain. Last time I spoke with her on the phone about 11 days ago, we were talking about how I'm getting a motorcycle and possibly moving out to the redneck outskirts of the city. I was saying how it's a bad progression, jokingly, and then she said, "Yeah, next you'll be going to strip clubs." I kind of let slip that I had been to one since we broke up (which really doesn't offend either of our sensibilities). But now I'm thinking, Oh s***. Now she won't feel bad if she's out there messing around. Like I may have given her free rein to go wild. All of this I know is silly, I mean, I'm 27, she's 33, we're adults, but hey, my brain will grab hold of anything negative at this point! Hell, it'll try to grab a hold of any kind of false hope too! Anyway, the main reason I went NC was to try to give up the hope of reconciliation so that I can heal. Well, so that I can heal one way or the other. I do start thinking though that she's going to start wondering what I'm up to, eventually get really curious, miss me, call, etc. Oh well. At least I've gone NC. Feedback on my crazy thought patterns or anything else much appreciated!
starzphalling Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 as non-hopeful and reality bearing as this is....no matter what you say, she already has free reign to do what she wants in the definition of being your ex. so screw it don't monitor what you say, you never have a reason to not be yourself.
Riffmeister General Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Nothing crazy about those thought patterns dude! Totally natural. If you solve one crisis in your head, another will pop right in there, and that'll keep happening until you're completely over her. You're clearly not yet (and that's fine!) as you're second-guessing her reactions to something you've said. I do that all the time! I dumped my ex off my Facebook, then quickly sent her an email saying I've only done it temporarily so I'm not reminded of her (and also unbeknownst to her, tempted to check to see if she's single again) in case she thought I was being childish and I never wanted to see her again (kinda false hope too, I don't want to lose touch in case I have another shot in the future - not healthy, but a common error). Essentially, the worries about going NC is not that you'll miss her, it's that she'll forget you! That's what I'm worried about! If it's meant to be tho, she will get back in contact with you after a long time, but don't be waiting on that, cos it may never happen! My goal, as I've said before, is to get to a place where I don't want to get back with her, even if she asked. Then I know I can be friends with her again.
Author hereandnow Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 You are right on the money starzphalling, she does have free rein regardless. And I do appreciate your post Riffmeister, I absolutely think that I'll have these crises until I'm over her. I really don't believe she's going to forget about me because we share mutual friends/acquaintances and run in the same circles. I know people have talked to her about me recently and I've talked to people about her. So there's a sort of third party communication going on. Not like our friends are passing messages along, but she had already heard that I was thinking of moving in with a friend of ours before I told her. As you mentioned Riffmeister, I'm not over her, but I feel like I am finally ready to really give healing and NC a chance. You got a thread going? More responses/advice appreciated.
Knight_Ctrl Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Yeah, NC is in fact the best way to go about healing brother. I went about 2 months with NC and broke it about two weeks ago or so and it set me back to square one. Just stick with it man, 3 months down the road you'll be able to compare where you are now to where you were. And you'll see you really are healing.
saturnfell Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Don't beat yourself up. You will always analyze anything you say to her, that's another reason why NC is such a wonderful thing. NC allows us to break away and not add additional paranoia's to our minds. Your thoughts are normal, it happens to each of us. When your mind starts to get clouded, get up and walk around, get a drink of water. Do something in that exact instance. Basically, distract yourself.
Author hereandnow Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Whoo, I just had a close call earlier as per my other thread, but I made it through! Tomorrow will be another issue, as there is a New Year's Eve bonfire going on which I think she's going to. D***it, this s*** is hard!
blackrider27 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Today will be my 10th day of no contact with my ex gf. This will be the farthest I've managed to get since the breakup 2 months ago. Made 9 days before, broke it Thanksgiving. We were at the same meeting Sat night. I managed to get through it without talking to her, heck, I hardly even looked at her. The one time I glanced in her direction she started to give me a little smile but I didn't hold eye contact. It was empowering, being able to do that. She left before I went outside. Makes me think she noticed the "cold" treatment. Oh well, being warm toward her hasn't really done me many favors anyway. I'm not trying to be mean to her or anything, I love the girl, just trying to hold onto NC. The last time I tried NC I almost immediately started thinking, Oh, I'll call her Wed, or I just won't call her today. Right now I'm feeling much stronger about the whole thing. Funny thing happened yesterday too. I had seen her hanging out with this guy and I thought they were dating. Well yesterday a friend of mine invited me to a movie and said that this guy and his gf were going. I immediately thought Oh s*** she's gonna be there. So I asked my friend about it and he said this guy's girlfriend was in from NY and that yeah, he had hung out with my ex but that was all. So it turns out this whole time I was sure that she was dating him when probably they were just hanging out as friends. My ex did have some friends that are men (which I really wasn't that comfortable with) so it does make sense. Anyway, feeling all right today, think I'll go for a run. Support/feedback much appreciated! It's rather scary how similar my situation is with yours, in fact i'm pretty sure we're the same person lol my girlfriend split up with me 2 months ago, we broke contact for thanksgiving, i'm on my 6th day of no contact, and i saw a picture of her with a guy which i now think she's dating Small word. This sucks doesn't it?
Author hereandnow Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Yes, blackrider, it sucks. I'm helping to set up this bonfire she's probably going to be at tomorrow. Maybe I won't stick around for it though. It's funny, there's always somewhere I know she'll be and my speculation about who she might be with and what she's doing just eats at me. Oh well. Looks like I made 11 days at least.
blackrider27 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 You shouldn't go if she's gonna be at. Trust me. A big mistake i used to make and your going to be hurt. Unless your farther along with moving on then i am of course
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