If u ended up with your MM would u trust?

[Myusername]

Hi

If you actually ended up with your MM, would you trust him?

 

WOuld you believe he would be faithful to you, or would you worry all the time when he was, lets say, on business, working late, etc?

 

Texts or emails with other females...etc..co workers...?

 

Just curious...how others feel. I find I am less trusting of men in general since I had my A. And also as a single women, so many MM hit on me and tried to convince me to go out with them, that it really turned me sour and distrusting, to some extent and for some time.

 

I realize for some of you, you have been in long term relationships with MM that were either your high school sweetie or long time love, and I realize thats different than someone who met a stranger and fell hard, BOOM..lol...

Working on that now.

 

have a great week and almost HAPPY NEW YEAR

myuser

[LavendarGirl]

My MM. Yes, I would trust him. Way back when, when we dated "normally," he never gave me reason to distrust.

 

My first xH was a serial cheater. I knew of 6 different OW situations. I'm sure there were many more. He had no true sense of remorse, and for him it was all a matter of conquest and moving on to another. Now, that guy...ha! I wouldn't trust him any further that I could throw him.

[Meaplus3]

If I had ended up with the xmm I had an ea with NO I would Not have trusted him 100%. Funny how I could not see that way back then while in the affair "Fog".. but it's clear as day to me now. I thank the good lord that I am not the one who has to put up with his betraying ways. Because if he could have an ea with me behind his W's back, then he could have easily done the exact thing to me and perhaps even more.

 

Mea:)

[Myusername]

LG

wow how did you learn to trust anyone? You must have gone through such pain? I am so deeply sorry about your ex husband and how he treated you. So sorry. I would be a wreck and never trust again. LOL....

GLAD you are rid of that pee pee head...lol...

Wow you knew about the A's?? Did it bother you, hurt you, or how did it make u feel?

HUGS

MUN

[mytruelove]

the answer is yes. even after everything i still trust him. i think it is also more of a choice than anything. i choose to trust him because i love him. i trust him because of everything that we have experienced together...keep in mind that we have been friends for 9 years. i trust him because we have seen the worst in each other. there are no delusions about who he is or i am. he's really the only person i can honestly say i accept as is completely.

 

there's a great quote in another thread from nikki. i'll be back because i think it fits great here.

 

 

 

[Myusername]

MEA

AMEN girl

Thats exactly how I feel, its part of what it helping me walk away from my now separated MM. Not that he is chasing me down with a handful of roses and chocolates..lol..but I always worried about this the whole time. I would never trust him, not this one.

 

He is charming, gorgeous and perhaps could be player tho he is charismatic and loving and I wanted to believe everything. Parts of me are foolish enough to believe he meant every word, other parts make me want to hurl and shower off every part of my cheating soul...guilt galore, and anger...

thanks for the post MEA

so you are not an OW right now? WOuld you ever do it again? I say never, no way, could not. I say that. I never want to....its hell.

 

MUN

[Myusername]

MTL

I could not open link but thanks for sharing and sharing your thoughts. You have been in this a long time hah? Is he leaving his W? Are you hanging in there till he does?

MUN

[mytruelove]

"I thought he's put me through so much hurt (well technically I put myself through it) but you know what I mean...he's made me wait so long, shouldn't I punish him back? And I did actually punish him. We went out and all that pent up resentment, anger, frustration, disapointment, self-pity came out and I punished him and punished him for nearly a year. But that's partly why I trust him now because he stuck with me through these punishments...even to the brink. I am over all that now. I've grown up to see that it's just not the way"

 

this is exactly where we're at right now. i've stuck with him through it and he has stuck with me through it. also, i can't picture him not being a part of my life and if i don't trust him then obviously he can't be part of my life.

 

we've worked very hard for this trust.

[BlackLovely]

Hi

If you actually ended up with your MM, would you trust him?

 

No, because a man who will cheat on his wife will also cheat on you too.

 

WOuld you believe he would be faithful to you, or would you worry all the time when he was, lets say, on business, working late, etc?

 

I wouldn't get involved in the first place. My father cheated on my mother and I saw the toll it took on her...couldn't hurt another woman like that.

Texts or emails with other females...etc..co workers...?

 

Oh jeez....are you kidding me?

 

Just curious...how others feel. I find I am less trusting of men in general since I had my A. And also as a single women, so many MM hit on me and tried to convince me to go out with them, that it really turned me sour and distrusting, to some extent and for some time.

 

I don't trust any man; not even my fiance.

 

I realize for some of you, you have been in long term relationships with MM that were either your high school sweetie or long time love, and I realize thats different than someone who met a stranger and fell hard, BOOM..lol...

Working on that now.

 

have a great week and almost HAPPY NEW YEAR

You too honey. God bless.

myuser

[LavendarGirl]

Pee pee head? Now that's an apt description!!!

 

Let's see, the first two A's, I had long suspected and with some evidence, but nothing concrete. The suspicions lingered for a long while. Then, oh, maybe 6 years into the M, he confessed to having two A's. I was waiting, with a drum roll, for him to admit to the two I had suspected. He admitted to two completely different A's (that I would never had guessed). I added two and two together (literally) and assumed that the two I'd suspected were indeed real.

 

I told him that I would forgive, but any future transgressions and it was D time.

 

A year later, I discover on the same day love letters from two different OW's he was seeing at the same time. So he was juggling a M, and two OW's. Yeah.

 

While I was filing for a D and he was kicking/screaming about wanting to save the M, I find his ad in the Personals section of the paper (DWM seeking female for romantic walks on the beach - blah blah)...on Christmas Eve. Had I not already known he couldn't keep the willie in the pants, I would have been devastated. But by that point, the R was over for me and it was just a matter of getting out of it legally, and I knew he was a DOG.

 

I can be a little jaded, maybe, as a result of it all. I don't feel like I harbor any resentment, and I never had ill feelings toward the OW's, felt sorry for them more than anything, they fell prey to his games. I should have tatooed a warning label on his, um, thingey, while I had a chance.

[herenow]

IMO, a MM who has a affair is fighting an inner demon. For some reason he didn't take the path of divorce before being with an OW and there lies the problem. Unless the MM deals with the reason why he had the affair in the first place, there is no way anyone should trust him.

 

Affairs not about the betrayed, the marriage or the OW. They are all about the cheaters and what he or she is missing within themselves. Unless those issues are recognized and worked on in an honest way, a cheater can't be faithful to anyone.

 

So, IMO, if the MM goes from his marriage to an affair partner without looking deep within himself and doing some serious soul searching and repairing, he can't be trusted.

[Meaplus3]

MEA

 

He is charming, gorgeous and perhaps could be player tho he is charismatic and loving and I wanted to believe everything. Parts of me are foolish enough to believe he meant every word, other parts make me want to hurl and shower off every part of my cheating soul...guilt galore, and anger...

 

If he was cheating with you and in a comitted relationship then he is a player. And IMO, most players come across as charming and even loving that's part of how they hook you in. You take the bait and they get the fish.It's a game and it's just plain cruel and selfish. You are doing yourself a big favor by walking away. keep up the good work.

 

thanks for the post MEA

so you are not an OW right now? WOuld you ever do it again? I say never, no way, could not. I say that. I never want to....its hell.

 

 

No. I am not an OW right now that was over a year ago. Would I do it again? Not for a million bucks.

 

Mea:)

[peacebyinches]

Years ago my MW left her husband for me. The night before she was supposed to meet my family on my BDay I found her with another guy. I lost her how I found her. Never do that again.

[Myusername]

MTL

I wish you and he the best, it seems you two have been through hell and back to work this out and my support and hopes are with you girl

MUN

[Myusername]

LG

Wow I am sorry for you going through that, what a story. You seem strong and like it has not really jaded you much. LMAO about tattooing a warning on his over used pee pee...lol

 

LIKE, ..IN CASE OF A-HOLE BEHAVIOR....CUT THIS OFF..lol (kidding)....

I am glad you are out of the divorce, he sounds like he is a serial cheater....

so sorry for you having to witness that...

MUN

[Myusername]

hereandnow

Good points, or thoughts, thanks

MUN

[Myusername]

MEA AND PEACE

thanks. This information and speaking to others really helps. It helps put things in perspective. I could not be OW again either. I also need to stay away from this man even though he is separated. There is not trust and a lot of issues and I agree, he really has to go and work on the issues and loss in his life, (many things over the past few years). He is the one that has to work on him, and me on me.

 

You all give me just the nuggets of info I need to make the healthy choices...or healthier ones. I always regretted what I did, still do.

here is living and learning and growing UP

MUN

[mytruelove]

thank you so much!!! yeah, we definitely have been through hell and back for sure. i take it you caught up on my other post?

 

anyway, not sure yet i'll get my cinderella fairy tale ending, but i'm as sure as heck going to try and make every effort.

 

thanks for your support and prayers-mine are with you too!!!

[Lizzie60]

If you actually ended up with your MM, would you trust him?

 

I have ended ALL my affairs.. I totally trust them... they would never do me any harm.. how could they? They should be more scared of me than I am of them..

 

WOuld you believe he would be faithful to you, or would you worry all the time when he was, lets say, on business, working late, etc?

 

I don't care what he does with his time.. How can you be totally sure you're the only OW..

 

Texts or emails with other females...etc..co workers...?

 

Don't care... if I dump him.. I don't want to hear from him again..

 

And also as a single women, so many MM hit on me and tried to convince me to go out with them, that it really turned me sour and distrusting, to some extent and for some time.

 

I'm also single... and from my experience.. MOST men cheat.. (if not all).. NO women is guaranteed that her man won't ever cheat..

 

I realize for some of you, you have been in long term relationships with MM that were either your high school sweetie or long time love, and I realize thats different than someone who met a stranger and fell hard, BOOM..lol...

 

I've had both long term (from 5 to 11 years) and short term.. (one night).. same thing.. when it's over .. it's over.. I never look back..

[LavendarGirl]

LG

Wow I am sorry for you going through that, what a story. You seem strong and like it has not really jaded you much. LMAO about tattooing a warning on his over used pee pee...lol

 

LIKE, ..IN CASE OF A-HOLE BEHAVIOR....CUT THIS OFF..lol (kidding)....

I am glad you are out of the divorce, he sounds like he is a serial cheater....

so sorry for you having to witness that...

MUN

 

The tatoo would say "the man attached to this stick is a jerk. Please get your clothes back on and run away, fast."

 

Glad I got out when I did. My xH is remarried, and I hear from a friend of mine that my xH now has a long term OW on the side (who is a friend of this friend). So the bad behavior continues.

[Myusername]

Lizzie

I have read a number of your posts and I see that for you it is not a hardship to be the OW, from my assessment, you enjoy it. Without sounding rude or offensive I wonder what you get out it because at times it seems like it is a game to you.

 

Perhaps because you dont trust any man/men you put yourself out there to prove you are right and to be in control rather than be controlled? It seems you are wearing it as a badge, like the male equivalent of a player. perhaps I am reading it wrong. I dont judge it but you bring it up as if its some game and you are messing with them just to do it.

 

Is this due to being hurt or cheated on at a time when did care? Have you had serious boyfriends or a spouse that you yourself were faithful to? Or is the concept not appealing to you, of one woman and one man? Just curious because you post some pretty honest stuff, God love you for being real and honest, but I wonder if you have an agenda with these men? Leave them before they leave or hurt you, never get attached? I used to really thrive on the attention of a lot of men and it was a high and it sure makes u feel like the cats meooow for a while. But then I decided for me it was all about me and building me up and how insecure i really was thinking I was the total man killer. I spent a long time looking at my behaviors and decided it was not me.

 

I also have huge trust issues so it was easy to be the one adored from afar but often these men were players or married or had GF and just wanted to have some fun. I did not mess with them other than flirt mostly, some i may have kissed etc.

 

I now dont do that because it was self destructive for me. For me.....so why do you do it? Do you just love being able to come and go as you want, or are u getting something back that makes you feel good and powerful or are you covering up from deep wounds?

 

I sense there is way more to it than this. Just an observation. I just call em as I see em. :-)

have a good night

[Myusername]

LG

lol

My exMM's pee pee would say..YOU CAN LOOK BUT YOU BETTER NOT TOUCH or OUT OF ORDER..lol...or RUN FORREST RUN

MUN

[smarterthanbefore]

If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you. That is just logical common sense. He has already showed you his morals on honesty, truth and monogamy, which he failed to do with his W. Why would I trade places with his W, I would just be getting cheated on in the future. Remember, when you go from OW to Girlfriend/ wife, you made a vacancy in his life for another OW to take your place. So no way, I would never trust him if I had a MM. He would not trust me as well for the same reason. The relationship would be hell and end quickly, I have seen this happen alot with friends and associates. Some of these relationships lasted for a few years, but had MAJOR issues, then fizzled out with lots of pain.

[Lizzie60]

Smarterthan... I have to disagree with this...

 

If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you. That is just logical common sense.

 

I was the OW of a serial cheater for 11 years.. he cheated on me as well as on his W.. when she kicked him out.. we moved in together.. I very much doubt that he cheated on me.. (we were together AAAALLLLL the time)... we did everything together.. I got finally tired of him.. I left him after 18 years of common-law...

[Lizzie60]

Of course I enjoy it.. otherwise I wouldn't see those guys.. It's not a game though.. but it's enjoyable..

 

It's not about not trusting men AT ALL... not about control either.. but I might have to agree about the player.. I am having fun.. they are too.. no? But it's not a game per se.

 

I have not been hurt (except for one time).. but the 'recovery' was quite fast as the relationship only lasted 4 months and got me pregnant... but other than this one.. I always left.. never been dumped..

 

I had great guys.. I might say.. the first one.. I got tired of.. the second one was the greatest guy in the world.. still is but for another woman.. I left him because I knew I couldn't handle a few things.. (like his two teenager boys moving in with us.. I didn't want to be a "mom' anymore.. my kids were grown up... and his crazy 'ex'.. she was still very present in our life)... He was 12 years younger.. (that's why he had younger kids)..

 

The concept of monogamy is just stupid IMO.. I don't believe in monogamy on a long term ... 10 years or less..maybe but longer than that.. no way.

 

For some reason... I do not get attached (guess I have not met the 'real deal' yet ) ... I looooove being single.. and living my life to the fullest.. I am very lucky.. (God DO love me).. I have money.. a house (that I rent).. soon a brand new 'loft-style' condo (next summer, it's being built).. a good job.. great friends.. two children and a grand-daughter (a real doll) that I adore.. and another one coming next summer.

 

I know my lifestyle is NOT for everyone.. some people cannot just have sex for the enjoyment.. they need commitment.. I don't.. I like my space too much to get a man in the way.. It's always about 'ME'.. I do what I want.. spend my money as I like.. no need for permissions.. I go on vacations when I want.. etc..

 

Why get attached? Why is this concept of the 'single lifestyle' so foreign for most people? I don't get it.. but I have to say that I'm not a young woman anymore.. I would probably NOT talk like I am if I was in my 20s or 30s.. I am 56.. so my 'wify-motherly' life has been lived..

 

Do I love all the attention from all those men.. you bet I do.. who wouldn't? Do I feel guilty for playing with these men.. NOT one second..

 

You say that it was self destructive for you.. I never thought it to be destructive behaviour.. I enjoy every minute..

 

No deep wounds.. trust me.. none.. I just don't see any big deal in sleeping with MMs... or any men.. it's just like that.... but like I said previously.. I can now talk and think that way.. cause I'm old enough to know what I want and don't want..

 

I had a good life.. and now.. it's even better..