LovieDove24 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I cannot believe the brass balls on my ex to have said this. I have most of the visitation with our 7 month old daughter and therefore am the only one who EVER gets up in the middle of the nights with her. I work full time and needless to say I am an exhausted mommy. I NEVER ask my ex for help b/c I am a strong willed person and I also know he is the type to rub it in my face. Well the other day I was dying. I had literally hit my wall and felt like I would fall over if I didnt get a couple hours nap in. So what do I do? I call him and ask him to please come over for just an hour or two so I can catch up on sleep. I knew he was only playing video games all night b/c of his facebook status. Do you wanna know what the first thing out of his mouth was? "Can't your dad do it? He lives closer. I cant always be your go to guy." Bullsh*t!!! First of all he and my dad live an equal distance from me, second of all I couldnt believe he wasnt even considering it for a second. He IS and SHOULD BE the "go to guy." Is he serious??? Anyways, I hung up on him bc I was so fumed. I can track all of his bitterness back to the day he started having to cough up child support a few months back. After his checks started getting garnished everything changed. He no longer felt the need to help. So when he called to 'talk' yesterday about our argument I confronted him about this change. He said, yeah, he doesnt have sympathy for me when I get exhausted because I get PAID by him to do it!!! I cant believe he shoved his effin foot even further in his mouth. I am SO mad right now. The balls seriously. How could a man not know you should never ever say something like this to the mother of your child whether you're with her or not??
Author LovieDove24 Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 It is quite obvious I didnt pick a very good one. In my defense I didnt know him very well when I got pregnant as we were only dating for 4 months. This was not a planned thing. I very rarely missed taking the pill but apparantly all it takes is one and here you have it, I got pregnant and had a baby. I anticipate getting flamed for this, but before you go throwing stones please think carefully. Ever had premarital sex? Thought so...this coulda been you. In retrospect, I'm glad as hell he left me when he found out I was pregnant. If he hadn't I probably would have wanted to 'work it out' for our daughters sake. Lord knows how much more crap I would have had to put up with.
Eve Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I would not presently trust this person to care for the child simply because he does not see himself as a Dad. I believe that Child Support does put a lot of pressure on a person. Mostly I think that the calculations are extremely unfair and can hinder the natural process of parenting. Regardless of the above the male in question should be spending time with the child of his own accord and not when you are tired. For your child and your child only, get in place visitation which encourages him to participate in the childs life without you being present. Make sure that he can afford to do this and negotiate the payments so that he does not have to give you most of his income. Maybe this could help? Or maybe he is just an idiot and will never be any good to you or your child. Do not try and change him but please at least give him ample opportunity to participate freely without you. Regards, Eve xx
Enema Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Did he want the child or was it 100% your choice in staying pregnant / keeping it?
Lizzie60 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I have the same question as Enema.. and I should add... that we only have one side of the story. I agree this guy is a jerk.. but.. maybe you are calling him for everything and anything... he's you EX.. he might be the father but IMO he's better out of your daughter's life.. Same thing happened to me (4 months in the relationship).. I also had daughter.. and trust me.. I am soooo glad I raised her without him in the picture.. I also never asked him for a dime.. he was/is a jerk.. Just move on.. never mind him.. forget he's even the father.. except when you cash the check.. Don't push him for anything.. he obviously doesn't want to be a good dad.. he's a selfish jerk.. she doesn't need this man in her life..
BentSpine Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I'd say he blames you for him having to pay child support. Perhaps he's unselfish and giving to the woman that he loves. But he thinks kids are a pain in the ass and never wanted any. Still you chose to keep the baby and he was fine with that as long as you took on the whole responsibility. When he had to start paying child support he became bitter because he has to give without getting anything of value in return. Maybe he doesn't have sympathy because he himself could foresee sleepless nights when he decided if the strain of a kid was worth it.
Author LovieDove24 Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 Well to answer a few of your questions... Yes I was the only one who wanted to keep our daughter from the getgo. He stated at the time of finding out that he had never wanted kids and he didnt think either of us were fit to handle one. He didnt believe in abortion but thought adoption was the only way. I, on the other hand, saw this as an opportunity to better myself in every way possible. Find some direction, finish college, save for a home...basically get out of my twenty-something bubble. I completely agree that he is 100% bitter. Things changed drastically the minute he started paying child support. He sees our roles as HIM=MONEY and ME=TIME with our daughter. My mom tells me to be grateful that he watches her every other weekend. I agree with her, but still it saddens me to know that as much as he loves our daughter (and I know he does) how stubborn he's being because hes bitter about money. My mom also says hopefully all this will blow over after awhile and he'll start being willing to do 'favors' again like taking her to the doctor or watching her for a few hours on one of his 'nights off.' Here's hoping....
stillafool Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Yeah here's hoping..... But, if he never wanted children and you only knew each other 4 months and you guys got pregnant and decided to keep the child, he's probably bitter as hell. Don't expect him to do anything for your child. You probably knew when you had her he didn't and wouldn't want to be a part of it other than financial support. It's better your daughter is not around him if he doesn't want to be there. He has made it clear he does not want to be the "go to guy" so leave him alone....that is unless he stops paying child support.
BentSpine Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 If the child one day shows happiness when seing Poor Guy then perhaps that could create a bond. I doubt that Poor Guy will warm up anytime soon to Ms There-Was-SOMETHING-I-Was-Supposed-To-Take-Today.
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