mytruelove Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 hi all, i took a much needed break over Christmas to take care of some things at home and gain some much needed clarity and perspective going into the new year. it was much needed and appreciated. my guy also did the same thing. it was kinda a mutual thing. i saw him this morning and it was nice. things seem like they have improved a lot since i started giving him the breathing room he has needed and also since i once again took a stand and showed him that i would not take being treated the way i was any longer. WOW! still can't believe i actually had the courage to do that. it's the closest i've ever come to yelling at him and getting angry with him. i told him everything. how i felt disrespected and discounted and no matter what he was going through there was absolutely NO excuse for treating me bad. i told him how much anger, hurt, and fear i had. once again, i gave him an out, asking if he was prepared to have me walk from his life completely?...for which, he would not answer. anyway, he's been a lot more receptive since then and i feel better about things. the two of us really have seen each other at our worst. now i just have to stay centered and not let things get too crazy.
moonshadow Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 hi all, i took a much needed break over Christmas to take care of some things at home and gain some much needed clarity and perspective going into the new year. it was much needed and appreciated. my guy also did the same thing. it was kinda a mutual thing. i saw him this morning and it was nice. things seem like they have improved a lot since i started giving him the breathing room he has needed and also since i once again took a stand and showed him that i would not take being treated the way i was any longer. WOW! still can't believe i actually had the courage to do that. it's the closest i've ever come to yelling at him and getting angry with him. i told him everything. how i felt disrespected and discounted and no matter what he was going through there was absolutely NO excuse for treating me bad. i told him how much anger, hurt, and fear i had. once again, i gave him an out, asking if he was prepared to have me walk from his life completely?...for which, he would not answer. anyway, he's been a lot more receptive since then and i feel better about things. now i just have to stay centered and not let things get too crazy. Delusional thinking. So you told your MM that you won't put up with crap anymore, wow....and now he's being nice. Of course he's being nice LOL......it's not as easy as you think, to find a woman who's willing to be a mistress and side-dish....so he's trying to make you believe that you "got through to him" and he's "seen the error of his ways" to lull you into a false sense of security -- but deep inside he's laughing furiously at your naivete, and having a hard time wiping the smirk off of his face.......that he's playing the game so well, you are actually believing that your standing up for yourself has had any kind of impact. You are a vagina and an ego boost and a fun place to go when the realities of life and work and family and wife get to be too much for Mr Selfish. Wake up.
Author mytruelove Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 i hope nikki doesn't mind me copying it to my thread as a reminder to myself. "I thought he's put me through so much hurt (well technically I put myself through it) but you know what I mean...he's made me wait so long, shouldn't I punish him back? And I did actually punish him. We went out and all that pent up resentment, anger, frustration, disapointment, self-pity came out and I punished him and punished him for nearly a year. But that's partly why I trust him now because he stuck with me through these punishments...even to the brink. I am over all that now. I've grown up to see that it's just not the way" exactly nikki, this is right where i am at and what gives me the very most hope and faith is that my guy seems to be sticking through it with me also as i am and have stuck through it with him. this truly is what developes trust. especially, when it can be so hard trusting in these relationships.
Author mytruelove Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 i'm sorry but i think there is a misunderstanding. my guy is single. he was not married. he had a ex-girlfriend he lived with and has since broken up with her and she moved out. he broke up with her after i told him i could no longer continue our relationship while he was with her. please, go back and read the rest of the story. i do appreciate the reply though.
LavendarGirl Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Hey MTL, okay catch me up here. You've got a SM (which is good) who's going through some issues? Related to his recent breakup with the GF, or is it independent of that? Good to hear that you took a stand on stuff that you felt important. And also that you took some time off for yourself. Sounds like things are on the up and up for you?
Author mytruelove Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 yeah, he is single now, since end of october (he had a live-in girfriend before this-not married). i've been friends with him for 9 years. there was instant attraction and chemistry from first sight, so much so that all my family and friends saw it, but we had never really been "available." last year i expressed my feelings for him and he returned the same. we fought anything physical for a year and couldn't anymore. i told him that i could not continue with him while he still had a girlfriend. he then broke up with her. he always takes his breakups very hard. he always swears off women after and says he will never get involved with anyone again. after this breakup we have struggled because he has wanted his space and to be alone etc, had "too much going on in his head." he expressed it wasn't me at all and i should not have been surprised that he reacted this way, expect that, of course, i panicked, took it personally, and put pressure on him. we've had some battles because of this and his treatment of me was very inappropiate until i called him on it. he's been acting better since and has said all is forgotten and seems not to want to lose me from his life. i just feel kinda unsure, without a compass, on how to proceed and how to react.
frannie Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 You are a vagina and an ego boost and a fun place to go when the realities of life and work and family and wife get to be too much for Mr Selfish. Wake up. Always nice to read well-informed and thought out responses MTL, you say "once again, i gave him an out, asking if he was prepared to have me walk from his life completely?...for which, he would not answer."... but then you think that he "seems not to want to lose me from his life." I think at the moment you're having to rely too much on what he says, rather than what he does? But I'd be concerned about any kind of poor treatment. You just have to see now how things develop... but someone who needs a 'telling' before he realises he shouldn't be treating you badly might be somewhat immature as relationship potential?
smarterthanbefore Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Mytruelove, I would be so scared to date a man who cheated on his ex-girlfriend, then broke up with because I asked him to. This say a lot about how he view relationships, loyalty and trust. He is not the type to work through his relationships, he is the type to find self satisfaction outside the relationship instead. He does not believe in for better or for worse, and he do not have the maturity to know that you end one relationship before starting another. I hope you don't end up in his ex-girlfriends shoes soon. He is not a keeper, or a man to build a relationship with. Loyalty and trust will not be there. Good luck
Author mytruelove Posted January 1, 2009 Author Posted January 1, 2009 fran, yeah, i definitely do have some character questions at this point and that will probably be the very next thing to be addressed. it's like i told him how we proceed will tell a lot about both our characters. it's funny, i think he has taught me a lot and i have taught him a lot also. the best i could hope for is that we can learn from each other and in the process learn a lot about each other and in the process both grow from our experiences. then, of course, grow together. smarter - you do seem pretty smart and definitely valid concerns. i'm the eternal optimist and always believe that people can change under the right circumstances and with the right people. there's my new years optimistist and hopeful post. HAPPY NEW YEAR MY FRIENDS
Recommended Posts