Author Capricciosa Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 Possibly, but I've found that most women (and it probably applies to people in general) don't like being told what they are doing wrong or how to live their lives. So I generally look for women who are already somewhat health conscious. Of course, but I think it would depend how it was presented. Not that the person is wrong, but that they'll feel so much better if they have a smoothie as opposed to a dr.pepper for breakfast. Really, have you run into this problem much?
Author Capricciosa Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 Don't forget that you or I will be packing potentially the other 100%+, from his side. True, very true. It's so tough being perfect!
Trialbyfire Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 True, very true. It's so tough being perfect! I'm sick of that phrase since it's been applied to me so much lately. I'm sure that's not your perspective so accept my apologies in advance, if not. I'm not perfect and never purported to be. People can take their lack of self-esteem and insecurities and shove it where the sun don't shine.
fral945 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Of course, but I think it would depend how it was presented. Not that the person is wrong, but that they'll feel so much better if they have a smoothie as opposed to a dr.pepper for breakfast. Really, have you run into this problem much? Yes, you'd be surprised. I've had a few get defensive on me when I mention those kinds of things. And my presentation was fairly indirect, more of a passing comment.
Author Capricciosa Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 I'm sick of that phrase since it's been applied to me so much lately. I'm sure that's not your perspective so accept my apologies in advance, if not. Er, I was referring to myself actually. In a completely disingenuous manner. I'll just say I've got lots of good things to offer, but I am nonetheless not for everyone... For instance, I don't live well with other people, so someone interested in me would have to compromise on this front because I would not compromise in the other direction. As I said, not for everyone...
Trialbyfire Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Er, I was referring to myself actually. In a completely disingenuous manner. I'll just say I've got lots of good things to offer, but I am nonetheless not for everyone... For instance, I don't live well with other people, so someone interested in me would have to compromise on this front because I would not compromise in the other direction. As I said, not for everyone... See, that's just it. Those are the needs. Some will be easy for others to meet since they're of a similar mindset/belief and others will need to be compromised on. Once again, accept my apologies. It's just a sensitive phrase for me lately. I've been attacked A LOT lately, over people making shyte up in their heads. People need their heads examined...
Author Capricciosa Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 Once again, accept my apologies. It's just a sensitive phrase for me lately. I've been attacked A LOT lately, over people making shyte up in their heads. People need their heads examined... No problem. People make all sorts of judgments which have more to do with where they're at and they're history rather than anything more objective. The real definition for perfect is "complete" by the way, which is something I aspire to all on my own.
Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 You mean he does the last 10% of compromising? Hardly seems fair when he's packing the other 90% already. I read a good book called If the Buddha Dated, and there was an interesting exercise to work out needs and wants. I was quite surprised where my ultimate needs were and what was desired but not necessary. It boiled down to about 5 things that covered material, psychological and spiritual needs. It's good to sort these things out--it really shows you whether the person you're with stand a chance at even getting close... I didn't read that book, but I saw the same exercise somewhere. It asked you to write down a list of all the qualities you want, and then from there pick a limited number of things you absolutely cannot budge on. Those are your needs. I can compromise almost any of my wants (interests, personal appearance, politics, even geography). But I will never again compromise my needs (communication, respect, loyalty, sense of humor, sense of curiosity/adventure, sexual attractin/compatibility).
Author Capricciosa Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 I can compromise almost any of my wants (interests, personal appearance, politics, even geography). But I will never again compromise my needs (communication, respect, loyalty, sense of humor, sense of curiosity/adventure, sexual attractin/compatibility). The book I'm talking about broke it down into 7 categories, and asked you to list as many things as possible under each, then to sort them as crucial,non-negotiable;desired, but not absolutely essential; nice, but not necessary. Then you whittled that down to a few words. Here are mine: creative, positive, self-aware,honest, intelligent Sexual compatibility is a given. I've had that with plenty of guys though who did not have the essential qualities listed above. I gave up tall and handsome for physically fit. And I gave up dancing for love of the beach!
Star Gazer Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 And I gave up dancing for love of the beach! That's one of your NEEDS that you will not compromise??
D-Lish Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I never thought I'd compromise on height... I always had a 5'10" plus MUST. (I am almost 5'8".) I am so over that now. Someone must love me for who I am... I am sick of compromising who I am to appease someone else. I don't care about a perfect body or how much money someone makes. They must be funny... even silly. If I met someone that I had sparks with, and we carried on beyond the spark stage to something more serious, I'd be willing to make sacrifices and compromises. BUT... that would be dependant on whether or not I could trust they'd do the same for me. If it's not reciprocal- forget it.
Author Capricciosa Posted December 30, 2008 Author Posted December 30, 2008 That's one of your NEEDS that you will not compromise?? In my old age I want to live by the water... And you see that it's not on my final list when all is said and done.
MN randomguy Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I'd be willing to compromise on the non-smoker thing. Smoker teeth are not that hot and they taste funny to kiss. I thought politics weren't a big thing. But, it seems that politics reflect a lot more about the rest of your belief system. I would like a girl that hasn't been around the block too much. I might bend for the right girl. I'm being tested on age. I'd like 25 and under. But finding one that is mature enough and not taken is hard to do. I'm constantly being tested on this. My last date was 35. She said I was too young. I gotta admit. She's pretty old. That's hard to get over.
BlueHarvest Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 There is an old saying about compromises. "In matters of taste, go with the flow. In matters of principle, stand like a rock." I think that about sums up my view on this topic.
Author Capricciosa Posted January 10, 2009 Author Posted January 10, 2009 There is an old saying about compromises. "In matters of taste, go with the flow. In matters of principle, stand like a rock." I think that about sums up my view on this topic. I think that a lot of people confuse taste and principles, needs and wants. Otherwise, sure, it's a good guideline. I'm applying it right now!
amaysngrace Posted January 10, 2009 Posted January 10, 2009 what are the compromises you are willing to make for a relationship with the right person? This can include things in the person (looks, education, income, etc) or things within the relationship itself. Anything short of a deal-breaker is negotiable IMO. Of course it helps to have enough self-awareness of what these deal-breakers would be.
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