Alexandria2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Getting straight to the point, I cheated on my boyfriend two days ago. We have been together for 2 months, and before we got together there was a guy I really liked, but he didn't seem interested in me in the slightest. My boyfriend was away for christmas visiting family and two days ago, me and the guy and some friends went out drinking and then me and a friend stayed at his house. The next day my friend left early for work and the guy told me I'm his ideal girl and thinks we could have been great together if we had the chance, and in a moment of stupidity I told him I liked him too and we shared a kiss. Obviously, now back into reality I can see this was one of the stupidest things i've ever done, this guy is now texting me telling me he likes me but isn't gonna take things furthur, he knows I have a boyfriend and is sorry, and I obviously feel terrible (deserdedly so) for cheating on my boyfriend. Do you think I should own up to whats happened? What makes things more tricky is that my boyfriend and me share a lot of friends, if I told him and we were to break up I woudnt want people to feel they had to take sides. Another problem I seem to be facing is that about just over half a year ago my boyfriend who I was with long term broke up with me, and I was devestated. It really messed with my mind at the time and I was advised by my doctor that it wouldn't be a great idea to date anyone else at all (i'd had a few rebound relationships which I just couldnt maintain and they ended up breaking off as my mind kept slipping back to my ex) and now, even though my feelings for my ex are finally gone, i feel different in myself. As if its changed me into a worse person, and i feel this is evident from what happened two days ago. I really adore my current boyfriend, but im worried that i might just keep hurting him, and no-one deserves that, least of all him. Do you think I should follow the docs advice and stay single for a while?
lkjh Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Tell him now while the relationship is new. Don't trick him into staying with you, he has a right to know. Plus judging by how easy this was for you, you may end up doing it again.
lkjh Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Also, stay away from this guy. He said he doesn't want to take it farther but if you gave him the chance he would take it.
Bryanp Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Thank goodness it was only a kiss. Nevertheless you need to tell your boyfriend because he has a right to know just like you would need to know if the roles were reversed. Either you have a relationship based on honesty and respect or deceit and disrespect. You owe it to your boyfriend to be upfront and honest with him. I think you know this also. I wish you luck.
Dexter Morgan Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Getting straight to the point, I cheated on my boyfriend two days ago. Then break up with him. We have been together for 2 months, and before we got together there was a guy I really liked, but he didn't seem interested in me in the slightest. My boyfriend was away for christmas visiting family and two days ago, me and the guy and some friends went out drinking and then me and a friend stayed at his house. Again, break up with you boyfriend. he doesn't deserve a girl that goes out drinking with another guy, especially another guy she is attracted to, once there is any kind of time apart. Set your boyfriend free from you. The next day my friend left early for work and the guy told me I'm his ideal girl and thinks we could have been great together if we had the chance, and in a moment of stupidity I told him I liked him too and we shared a kiss. Obviously, now back into reality I can see this was one of the stupidest things i've ever done, this guy is now texting me telling me he likes me but isn't gonna take things furthur, he knows I have a boyfriend and is sorry No he isn't. Do you think I should own up to whats happened? Yes Another problem I seem to be facing is that about just over half a year ago my boyfriend who I was with long term broke up with me, and I was devestated. It really messed with my mind at the time and I was advised by my doctor that it wouldn't be a great idea to date anyone else at all (i'd had a few rebound relationships which I just couldnt maintain and they ended up breaking off as my mind kept slipping back to my ex) and now, even though my feelings for my ex are finally gone, i feel different in myself. So basically you were devestated when an old boyfriend cheated on you, so you went out and did it to your current bf? Again, break up with him. he doesn't deserve this. As if its changed me into a worse person, and i feel this is evident from what happened two days ago. I really adore my current boyfriend If you did, you wouldn't have cheated on him. And you knew exactly what you were doing when you went out drinking with this other guy, then spending the night at his place, with a friend or not. but im worried that i might just keep hurting him, and no-one deserves that, least of all him. You are right about that. So break up with him so he can find someone that won't do this to him. Do you think I should follow the docs advice and stay single for a while? Absolutely!
That Emotion Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Was it only a kiss? Really only a kiss? If so, don't worry about it. Just don't slip like that again, cuz if you do, it will prgress and you'll inevitibly become a cheat. For now, let it go. If it was something more than a kiss, something sexual, you need to end the relationship with your bf. Break it off with him. You don't necessarily have to tell him you cheated, but you have to end it.
vnqsh2001 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Getting straight to the point, I cheated on my boyfriend two days ago. We have been together for 2 months, and before we got together there was a guy I really liked, but he didn't seem interested in me in the slightest. My boyfriend was away for Christmas visiting family and two days ago, me and the guy and some friends went out drinking and then me and a friend stayed at his house. The next day my friend left early for work and the guy told me I'm his ideal girl and thinks we could have been great together if we had the chance, and in a moment of stupidity I told him I liked him too and we shared a kiss. Obviously, now back into reality I can see this was one of the stupidest things I've ever done, this guy is now texting me telling me he likes me but isn't gonna take things further, he knows I have a boyfriend and is sorry, and I obviously feel terrible (deservedly so) for cheating on my boyfriend. Do you think I should own up to whats happened? What makes things more tricky is that my boyfriend and me share a lot of friends, if I told him and we were to break up I wouldn't want people to feel they had to take sides. Another problem I seem to be facing is that about just over half a year ago my boyfriend who I was with long term broke up with me, and I was devestated. It really messed with my mind at the time and I was advised by my doctor that it wouldn't be a great idea to date anyone else at all (i'd had a few rebound relationships which I just couldnt maintain and they ended up breaking off as my mind kept slipping back to my ex) and now, even though my feelings for my ex are finally gone, i feel different in myself. As if its changed me into a worse person, and i feel this is evident from what happened two days ago. I really adore my current boyfriend, but im worried that i might just keep hurting him, and no-one deserves that, least of all him. Do you think I should follow the docs advice and stay single for a while? Let me start by saying that I was once a player. You sound like you are being played. Since you're already attached, that's going to mean a world of trouble for you and all those you're associated with if you don't stop it now. I agree with the other posters on this thread. He's not sorry one bit. That's just something guys say in order to appear more noble in the girl's eyes. If he doesn't say that, he appears like a real A-hole for hitting on somebody's girlfriend (which he really is). He is trying to raise his value to you as potential boyfriend by acting like he has more morality than her really does. In other words, he's trying to work out a way to get closer to you. If he truly felt sorry about what he did, he wouldn't be sending you ANY text messages saying ANYTHING. Seriously, how difficult is that for you to figure out on your own? The trouble is that you're being drawn into his trap by your own desires, so you're ready to believe even ridiculous lies as long as they sound sincere. You should own up to what happened, but you're going to have to face the consequences. It won't be pleasant to do that, but the alternative is that you make things more difficult for yourself down the line. It's going to affect your relationship with your boyfriend even if you don't tell him. You are going to have a better relationship if you are just honest with him. Isn't that what you want? Do you really want anything less than the best with him?
Owl Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I'm curious how old the OP is...I'd suspect quite young. That's not a complaint or comment against her...it simply would explain some of the items in her post. At any rate, I'd tell you that you've been in a relationship for a very short time...about two months. And you're boyfriend/girlfriend...you're not married. You're dating. This is the start...the 'exploration phase' to see if the two of you might make a go of a 'real' relationship later. Given that, I'd tell you that you shouldn't feel like this is the end of the world. It's not. I'd also tell you that NO "real", long term, committed relationship can last being built on lies...even those of omission. If you want to continue to have a relationship with him...tell him the truth, and see what happens from there. Your relationship may or may not make it...but if it does, it'll be an honest one at least. You seem very young. You're learning about relationships by dating and such. Consider this a learning experience.
Author Alexandria2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Thankyou all for your replies! he doesn't deserve a girl that goes out drinking with another guy, especially another guy she is attracted to, once there is any kind of time apart. So basically you were devestated when an old boyfriend cheated on you, so you went out and did it to your current bf? You are right about that. So break up with him so he can find someone that won't do this to him. Not that it's any excuse for what happened, but I didnt go out drinking specifically with him, we're all part of the same social circle and he just came out with one of my friends. As for staying at his, I live quite far away from home when I go out into town and I only had enough money to share a taxi with my friend who decided to stay at his to save money. My ex boyfriend didn't cheat on me, we had a violent relationship and he was good friends with my brother and he, along with plenty of mine and his friends, put pressure on us to break up so I wasn't doing something to someone else after knowing how painful it was personally. Saying that, that seems like a pretty lame point to argue, I don't think you need to be cheated on to realise how much it could potentially hurt another person which obviously makes what I've done a good deal worse. If so, don't worry about it. Just don't slip like that again, cuz if you do, it will prgress and you'll inevitibly become a cheat. For now, let it go. Letting it slip is easier said than done I'm afraid..:[ If he doesn't say that, he appears like a real A-hole for hitting on somebody's girlfriend (which he really is). He is trying to raise his value to you as potential boyfriend by acting like he has more morality than her really does. In other words, he's trying to work out a way to get closer to you. If he truly felt sorry about what he did, he wouldn't be sending you ANY text messages saying ANYTHING. Seriously, how difficult is that for you to figure out on your own? The trouble is that you're being drawn into his trap by your own desires, so you're ready to believe even ridiculous lies as long as they sound sincere. You are absolutely correct on this point, I know that he would try something again, and I was being silly for not really thinking about it. In my first post when I commented on him saying he would back off it was merely typed out from my rememberance of the situation. But of course, you've brought up an important point to my mind that I should try and get him out of my life as much as is possible. Anyways, I took all of your comments into mind and my feelings and bit the bullet and told him. It was awful to do, but I know it would have been worse knowing the relationship was fake because my boyfriend didnt know the truth. He said that he could see I was sorry and wants to see if we can stay together. But now another problem has arisen...Some people say that once you've cheated you and up being extra especially nice to your partner before they inevitably find out because you feel guilty. I wasn't like this (not to say I didn't feel guilty, I felt very much so) but I ended up being more withdrawn, obviously from the knowledge that I didn't deserve to be with him and he just didnt know it, so everytime he told me how much he cared for me I couldn't bear to say it back, it would have sounded so false. However, even now that everything is out in the open I still feel this way, as if my feelings have changed because I've realised I've done this. I haven't told my boyfriend this because he's so eager to work things out with me, and I'm hoping we can. Do you think these feelings I have will pass in time? Once again, thankyou for your responses.
vnqsh2001 Posted January 1, 2009 Posted January 1, 2009 Thankyou all for your replies! Anyways, I took all of your comments into mind and my feelings and bit the bullet and told him. It was awful to do, but I know it would have been worse knowing the relationship was fake because my boyfriend didnt know the truth. He said that he could see I was sorry and wants to see if we can stay together. But now another problem has arisen...Some people say that once you've cheated you and up being extra especially nice to your partner before they inevitably find out because you feel guilty. I wasn't like this (not to say I didn't feel guilty, I felt very much so) but I ended up being more withdrawn, obviously from the knowledge that I didn't deserve to be with him and he just didnt know it, so everytime he told me how much he cared for me I couldn't bear to say it back, it would have sounded so false. However, even now that everything is out in the open I still feel this way, as if my feelings have changed because I've realised I've done this. I haven't told my boyfriend this because he's so eager to work things out with me, and I'm hoping we can. Do you think these feelings I have will pass in time? Once again, thankyou for your responses. Being overly nice is just one reaction people commonly have, but the other extreme (withdrawing) is also common. It doesn't mean something is not right with you, it means you have don't yet have the experience in matters like this to understand what is going on. Having an affair makes people very confused and mixed up. I'm just guessing here, but I'd say that you expected your boyfriend to lash out and show some anger toward you. You feel you deserve it. Perhaps you even feel you should be punished for this so that you won't be able to do this again. When he responds by being nice, he's actually showing how out of touch he is with your own emotions and desires. This makes you question your connection to him. His eagerness to please you is the opposite of what you need right now. You want to be the one pleasing him and his response is actually quite a turn off to you as a result. You've got some things to work out between you. Problems don't go away. They either get patched up through communication or they get worse. It's up to you to make the effort.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Not that it's any excuse for what happened, but I didnt go out drinking specifically with him, we're all part of the same social circle and he just came out with one of my friends. As for staying at his, I live quite far away from home when I go out into town and I only had enough money to share a taxi with my friend who decided to stay at his to save money. Uh, ok:confused: Nevertheless, you need to break up with your boyfriend. That, or come clean and let him decide whether he wants to move on, or take a chance on a cheater. My ex boyfriend didn't cheat on me, we had a violent relationship and he was good friends with my brother and he, along with plenty of mine and his friends, put pressure on us to break up so I wasn't doing something to someone else after knowing how painful it was personally. Saying that, that seems like a pretty lame point to argue, I don't think you need to be cheated on to realise how much it could potentially hurt another person Unless it has happened to you, you have absolutely NO idea how it feels.
Dexter Morgan Posted January 2, 2009 Posted January 2, 2009 Anyways, I took all of your comments into mind and my feelings and bit the bullet and told him. Well I'm at least glad to hear that. It was awful to do, but I know it would have been worse knowing the relationship was fake because my boyfriend didnt know the truth. He said that he could see I was sorry and wants to see if we can stay together. But now another problem has arisen...Some people say that once you've cheated you and up being extra especially nice to your partner before they inevitably find out because you feel guilty. I'd say the problem is that he now knows what you are capable of doing and even if he wants to try, your cheating will be in his mind. It may not consume his every thought, but it will from time to time. And unless he is a man worth his salt, he may find himself "out there" and in a similar situation and think to himself, "what the hell, she did it, why can't I?" And be prepared, he may think he wants to work it out, but you just told him. he may be in a bit of a shock and desperation phase right now to really conclude in his mind if he wants to really keep you. Once the fog lifts, he may change his tune. And who could blame him?
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