Sinner86 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 This is probably the third or fourth time I'm posting on here looking for advice. I'm extremely tired. I'm just wondering if I'm being overly emotional and looking too hard instead of looking at the big picture. I've been doing absolutely everything for my boyfriend. I mean, everything. I go out of my way a lot for him and not because I have to, but because I want to but I'm just at a loss right now. My boyfriend and I have been dating 6 months now, if you read my other posts there is a history between us of 7 years, and he's going through a divorce. His birthday was on December 19th and I bought him some very special gifts. Knowing him and his interests and likes, I spent some money on him for his birthday for things that I was sure he'd like and appreciate. Being that his birthday was so close to xmas, I didn't get him anything else because I felt I had overdone it for just a 6 month relationship with the birthday gifts. Well, he has been enjoying the items that I got him and wearing the clothes as well so I know he is aware that I am observant of his tastes. However, he told me that he would wait until xmas eve to get gifts for his mom, dad, and sister because that's what he would always do. I didn't question him or encourage him to do it earlier because I felt like if this is what he does every year, then so be it. That afternoon when he got out early from work he went to his friend's house and skipped shopping. Well, needless to say I didn't get anything for xmas. Not a card, not a rose, no acknowledgment that he's glad I'm in his life this year... nothing. That hurt really bad. I know he's going through a divorce and based on what he's told me about his paychecks it's hard for him to gather up enough money to pay attorney fees and other bills but he could have at least thought of me and gotten me a card. I'm 22 years old and I live at home with my parents too and I barely make enough money to survive with everything going on but I still thought of him. I don't want diamonds and pearls, I just want a token of affection, something that shows appreciation. He has never done anything to make me feel special. No roses, no cards, no special dinners or trips anywhere. I feel guilty for expecting those things but how else am I supposed to feel when I spend so much of my time thinking of things to show my love for him, to show that I am thinking of him, to show that I care about him and he never returns that. Should I cut him slack and ease up with the gift giving until he's all set with his divorce? Any advice from anyone whose been in a similar situation?
LavendarGirl Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 He has never done anything to make me feel special. No roses, no cards, no special dinners or trips anywhere. I feel guilty for expecting those things but how else am I supposed to feel when I spend so much of my time thinking of things to show my love for him, to show that I am thinking of him, to show that I care about him and he never returns that. If this were a one time error on his part I would say to overlook it on your part. But the quote above, that he never does anything special for you...hmm, that's not a good sign, is it? I think you need to tell him at some point that it hurts your feelings that he didn't think of you for Christmas and doesn't give you tokens of his affection. Just mention it, leave it at that, and it will be up to him to change his behavior or not. Sounding cliche, it's the thought that counts...and he's looking thoughtless. Also, if I were you, I would pull back on being so generous. So when Valentine's Day rolls around in February, go light on the gift giving.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Is he a 'token of affection' kind of guy? Some guys really don't even think in the same terms that you do. He may well be thinking... "My life is dismantling, and I am with you. What more do you want?" Stress. Pressure. Anger. He is in a emotional pressure cooker right now. I'm sure romance or tokens of affection are the last thing on his mind, particularly if he isn't a sentimental kind of guy to begin with.
Author Sinner86 Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 LB, you may be right - I think that's how he sees things, being with me should be enough. I guess I have no choice but to cut back to at least make myself feel like I'm not giving so much.
GreenEyedLady Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 OP: Please watch how much info you give out. You really shouldn't post birthday's etc. There's some crazies out on the internet who love to "out" OW in their community. I am hoping that's not your picture either.
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I could be wrong but her avatar looks a lot like Kate Winslet.
bentnotbroken Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I could be wrong but her avatar looks a lot like Kate Winslet. It really doesn't. But who's to say.
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 It really doesn't. But who's to say. Who knows! Here's the version of Kate Winslet I was thinking about. She was a lot younger and a red head at that point. http://www.daniellerae.com/Images/KateWinslet-Original.jpg
redfathom Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Yeah the pic looks latina to me, not at all like Kate Winslet... I am curious why are you posting this in the Other Woman section? I see you say that you have been dating for six months but that you have a seven year history... Were you involved in an affair with him while he was still with his wife? Do you think that might have something to do with it, maybe he is a little resentful, especially now that he is having money problems...
Lishy Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 I thought the pic was Penelope Cruz! He was out of order! He should have got you something, there is no excuse! You are so young to be involved with such a thoughtless man!
frannie Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 I'd say the same that I said in the other 'gift-giving' thread. Not everyone shows their affection in the same way (nor wants to receive affection in the same way). Some are big on gifts, some on 'acts of service', some on time, and so on... all explained in the wonderful 'Five Love Languages' theory... use your favourite search engine to find out all about it Either that or he's taking you for a mug , but its worth investigating all the same.
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