Ccarey Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 The married person hurts just as worse even more let me tell you. Take power in that. My OP has made NC with me and cut me off and it kills. I wish I were single to see where it could have gone but I am not. I am married. Please take solace in that. The married person hurts so bad when the other person breaks off contact. They are left to deal with their real feelings and their marriage...and it sucks. The affair was the escape that kept them happy and now they are miserable. I hope this helps.
Ccarey Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 :sick:The married person hurts just as worse even more let me tell you. Take power in that. My OP has made NC with me and cut me off and it kills. I wish I were single to see where it could have gone but I am not. I am married. Please take solace in that. The married person hurts so bad when the other person breaks off contact. They are left to deal with their real feelings and their marriage...and it sucks. The affair was the escape that kept them happy and now they are miserable. I hope this helps.
Myusername Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 Lav girl Hey all I have to say is HUGS and good luck. No one can tell you what's in your heart but you. I think you are going about it in a good way and also being realistic. I of course want to protect you from pain, as I would anyone I care about, even over the email waves..lol....but I see how in love you are and the long history you share and who can deny you that. He needs to make a move and decide. He just does. Not fair to her or you or himself...but he sounds like he is working through it. It is never easy, I know that. Some would simplify it, and being on these forums makes me realize just how complicated the whole situation is or can be God bless girl Hang in there and go shake your booty and strutt your stuff in some new shoes and fresh lipstick. While waiting for him, you sure dont have to stop living. CHEERS MUN
Author LavendarGirl Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 :sick:The married person hurts just as worse even more let me tell you. Take power in that. My OP has made NC with me and cut me off and it kills. I wish I were single to see where it could have gone but I am not. I am married. Please take solace in that. The married person hurts so bad when the other person breaks off contact. They are left to deal with their real feelings and their marriage...and it sucks. The affair was the escape that kept them happy and now they are miserable. I hope this helps. Hi Carey, sorry you are experiencing such pain. And certainly I don't want to see anyone in pain. Your last line, about the affair was the escape...yes, I totally agree with that. I feel like my being in the background makes his marriage tolerable, making me a sort of dysfunctional band-aid or prop for their own status quo. Thanks MUN, yes, I have quite a history with this guy, my heart is his. So whether I cut my losses now or wait 6 months, it will be devastating. But hey, I DID go out and buy some mega cute shoes this weekend and treated myself to a trip to the spa!! Woo hoo! He has spoken with the IC to set up things, that is good. But today I kept my distance, I'm having some hurt feelings over the whole situation in general, and just annoyed at his fence sitting. Grrrrr.
mytruelove Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 how was your holidays? how are you hanging in there? i'm so glad 2008 is over and i am so ready to move on with a fresh start!!! sounds like you have some good realistic communication going on with your guy. i so love frannie's saying - a man WILL move mountains for the woman he loves. so let's see those mountains move! do whatever you need to keep your sanity, center, and peace during this period. i know it's really hard when you have those feelings of anger and hurt because you so don't want to. i've found that just feeling them and venting them at anything else but him seems to work for me. they seem to pass more quickly when i just allow them to be. then, when i feel better and more centered i can talk to him. take care girl!!!
Author LavendarGirl Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Hey MTL! Holidays...glad they are over, honestly. The whole Christmas-New Year combo is just too high in expectation and low in reality!! I am having some issues with some things discussed with MM, specifically as they relate to me. It has to do with some career choices (his duty station for the next 3 years), and how I was cut out of the loop in terms of the whole process. Long story short, he's been looking at taking an offer that will mean he's far, far away for the next 3 years instead of one that will put him closer to me. Not a good sign! But at least we're communicating. I am thinking I will just need to work it out in my own way. He's needing to make his decisions and act on them, but his timeline isn't fitting with my timeline, and in the end I just need to get on with my own life. Sad but it's looking like it might be the case.
frannie Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 i so love frannie's saying - a man WILL move mountains for the woman he loves. so let's see those mountains move! Just to make it clear, I absolutely loathe and detest that saying and I think it's complete bunkum!!!! Any woman who needs a man to move mountains should be thinking about getting herself some climbing gear ... Long story short, he's been looking at taking an offer that will mean he's far, far away for the next 3 years instead of one that will put him closer to me. Not a good sign! But at least we're communicating. I am thinking I will just need to work it out in my own way. He's needing to make his decisions and act on them, but his timeline isn't fitting with my timeline, and in the end I just need to get on with my own life. Sad but it's looking like it might be the case. Argh. That doesn't sound good does it, but as you say... at least you're communicating, so you know what's going on. Better to hear the truth and make your own decisions than wait around wondering when he's going to start shovelling earth.
Author LavendarGirl Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 Just to make it clear, I absolutely loathe and detest that saying and I think it's complete bunkum!!!! Any woman who needs a man to move mountains should be thinking about getting herself some climbing gear Too funny, Frannie. Yeah, I don't think my guy is much of a mountain climber, much less a mountain mover. I agree Frannie that at least with communication going on, I am more aware of his position and mindframe. And I'm just thinking more and more that as much as I love this guy and I believe he loves me, we might not have a future together. I've got this feeling of resignation slowly sinking in.
mytruelove Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 i've heard it another way....a man will swim through shark infested water JUST to bring you a lemonade that's what i'm looking for. well lav hon, i guess YOU better start planning YOUR next three years...if he takes the job (which military, i'm really thinking he will too ) then i guess you have the answer. i've never known a military man to turn down a job. (((hugs)))
Author LavendarGirl Posted January 6, 2009 Author Posted January 6, 2009 i've heard it another way....a man will swim through shark infested water JUST to bring you a lemonade that's what i'm looking for. well lav hon, i guess YOU better start planning YOUR next three years...if he takes the job (which military, i'm really thinking he will too ) then i guess you have the answer. i've never known a military man to turn down a job. (((hugs))) Can I throw him in shark infested waters, and see if he can swim with that lemonade? Can I huh, can I huh? Well, the far far away job posting isn't any better for his career than the one closer to me. I asked that question pointedly. But the far far away job is better for his W. You see where I'm going with this. Lavendar, exits stage right. I told him that if he indeed takes the far far away job, consider it done that I'm outta here.
mytruelove Posted January 6, 2009 Posted January 6, 2009 yeah, you have my permission. we can throw them in together naked and hope no "parts" get bit off. hey, it beats waiting to see what will happen or what they will do. JUST KIDDING EVERYBODY!!!
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