Newlywed already thinking divorce..Drugie for a husband

[Pinkstar7896]

Hi i really need some advice.Im 20 yrs old and have been w. my b.f for 5 yrs already going on 6. we just got married in Aug. and have a 1 yr. old daughter together and now I think we are already going to divorce but i dont know what to do. Let me start get straight to the point.My husband is a major Pothead which gets on my nerves ok.He never could find a job because they all give drug tests so he decided not even to try to look. so i tell him to enter the military so we can have something going for us and he said ok so we decided to move into my parents house so he can get away from his brother and friends who are all potheads ok so thats when we get married so i can get the benifits of the military and eveything was going good until 3 days before he leaves for basic they call and say sorry we messed up you came out dirty on your drug test now you have to wait 6 mths. So he was busted cuz he had us thinking he was clean.Now he decided to enter another military branch which they let him and he said he would do good this time..his mother even gave him some cleansers to clean up faster and luckily this time he passed his drug test and he was good to go but he decided he wanted to wait for bootcamp cuz hed rather stay for xmas so the recruiter let him stay but on christams eve he got drunk and decided to leave walking home after a fight we had over 20 bucks!!! can you believe that?? anyways,this wasnt the first time he left walking home like that and my dad got really mad and said he did not want him back so now hes been living with his brother (the pothead) and he hadnt called for about 3 days finally i go over to drop off his clothes and guess how i find him..HIGH!! so what does that tell me..that hes been smoking and now hes not gonna pass the other drug test he has to take..and now we have nothing..i have no job no car nothing! i havent even got my highschool diploma and he does..now i dont know what to do cuz thats we had going for us and now its all gone..I dont even know where to start. Hes always gonna be a bum and obviously he loves weed more than me and his daughter..I love him but at the same time i think divorce is what im eventually gonna do cuz hes not worth a dime. but i dont know how to do this on my own Im really scared of being a single parent.

[Geishawhelk]

And obviously you had absolutely no clue whatsoever that this was going on before you got married....?

 

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING - ?!?!?

 

You will have a support network of your family.

being a single parent is no more scary than being one with a partner.

It's tougher, but at least your child will have one stable, happy parent, rather than living in a toxic, destructive and explosive environment.

Think long-term what would be better.

The immediate future might be full of uncertainties, but in the long-term - surely, anything is better than this?

[LittleDove]

So you were okay with his pot habit before...but now its a problem because YOU want him to join the army...

 

Make him or let him make his own decisions, surley you have had time to realise hes a pothead?? did you think marrige would change this??

of course not.

 

I hear a victim here. You chose to marry him. And with him stoned all the time, you may as well already be a single parent.

 

You are young, and learnt the hard way- you can never control what another person chooses.

 

 

Maybe NOW you have decided to get real.

 

Goodluck and a baby is a blessing- you will be fine.

[thatguyswife]

It seems that you were AWARE of his drug use BEFORE you got married!!! Are you upset at the fact that he uses drugs or are you upset at the fact that he can't get a job because of drugs?? You can't change people.....they have to want to change themselves. You need to stop and look at the big picture. You have someone else that you have to consider now.

[porter218]

..i have no job no car nothing! i havent even got my highschool diploma and he does..now i dont know what to do cuz thats we had going for us and now its all gone

Wow...that wasn't his fault. Maybe he is on loveshack somewhere complaining about how lazy and demanding his wife is. Don't throw stones when you live in a glass house. You need to be capable of supporting yourself. How he was couldn't have been a secret when you married him ....right?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Do yourself the best favor you have and will ever do for yourself and for your child:

 

Get out and away from that guy NOW, while you'll only have to feel mild humility vs. what is heading your way after you stick with such a loser for a lengthy amount of time.

 

Cannot even predict from which end that guy will go off like a roman candle someday (hopefully when someone ELSE is his wife).

 

I promise you that the self-conscious feelings you'll know today will be much less severe than they will after you've been knocked-up 4 times by this guy, and all of YOUR children have him as a role model.

 

It isn't going to be easy, but if you are firm in your direction in life then you really CAN go it alone for the next short while. You'll be so happy later on that you were so strong at 20 when you needed to be strong.

[replicator]

Yep, listen to these voices of reason.

 

Get out as soon as you can, for your own sake and for that of your child.

 

You're still young, and you have a life ahead of you. Don't waste it on someone who obviously is too selfish and immature to care about his family.

[alone2night]

It has been said over and over again so i will only be repeating what has been said in the previous posts. However I will word them slightly differently.

 

ask yourself these questions

 

1 Do you really love this guy and do you see a future with him?

2 why did you drop out of school?

3 Did you know that there was a drug problem before you married him?

4 Why did you decide to have a child knowing he could not get and hold a job?

5. have you considered returning to school/getting a GED?

6. Have you been looking for a job?

7. At age 20 you and your husband still live with your parents what will you be doing at age 30 and 40?

 

You were dating the same guy for 5 years so i assume this was your first and only love so i have to assume you really didn't think any of this marriage business and having a child through.

 

Divorce is a very expensive subject and can be difficult on a child however it is personally what i would recommend for you both better to be a single parent with a family that cares about you then to live in a marriage and have to rely on your parents to support the 3 of you the rest of your lives. Next time try to search yourself know what you want in a man before you marry and don't just take the first person who asks or gets you pregnant.

 

Get back to school get a job find a decent person and good luck in the future.

[You'reasian]

Hi i really need some advice.Im 20 yrs old and have been w. my b.f for 5 yrs already going on 6. we just got married in Aug. and have a 1 yr. old daughter together and now I think we are already going to divorce but i dont know what to do. Let me start get straight to the point.My husband is a major Pothead which gets on my nerves ok.He never could find a job because they all give drug tests so he decided not even to try to look. so i tell him to enter the military so we can have something going for us and he said ok so we decided to move into my parents house so he can get away from his brother and friends who are all potheads ok so thats when we get married so i can get the benifits of the military and eveything was going good until 3 days before he leaves for basic they call and say sorry we messed up you came out dirty on your drug test now you have to wait 6 mths. So he was busted cuz he had us thinking he was clean.Now he decided to enter another military branch which they let him and he said he would do good this time..his mother even gave him some cleansers to clean up faster and luckily this time he passed his drug test and he was good to go but he decided he wanted to wait for bootcamp cuz hed rather stay for xmas so the recruiter let him stay but on christams eve he got drunk and decided to leave walking home after a fight we had over 20 bucks!!! can you believe that?? anyways,this wasnt the first time he left walking home like that and my dad got really mad and said he did not want him back so now hes been living with his brother (the pothead) and he hadnt called for about 3 days finally i go over to drop off his clothes and guess how i find him..HIGH!! so what does that tell me..that hes been smoking and now hes not gonna pass the other drug test he has to take..and now we have nothing..i have no job no car nothing! i havent even got my highschool diploma and he does..now i dont know what to do cuz thats we had going for us and now its all gone..I dont even know where to start. Hes always gonna be a bum and obviously he loves weed more than me and his daughter..I love him but at the same time i think divorce is what im eventually gonna do cuz hes not worth a dime. but i dont know how to do this on my own Im really scared of being a single parent.

 

You're young, so you can spend time fixing yourself and your situation.

 

First, let this guy go. The last thing you need is to be with someone who consumes illegal substances. It puts his health and your safety and legality at risk. It will not improve your financial situation.

 

Get your GED.

 

Try to find a job so you can save money, feed and house your kid. If you're lucky enough to have parental assistance, then accept it.

 

Rebuilding your life should be your number one priority.

[tinktronik]

Get your GED and join the Army yourself if you want the security of the military.

[Pinkstar7896]

Hey everyone thanks for your input even though they were very very blunt but it's not the first time I've heard this. & to answer most of the questions,yes i knew He was a pothead before we got married but I thought he would actually quit because I saw him really trying & i know he really wants to..hes constantly crying begging for my help but i dont know what to do.. and yea i do love him a whole lot he is my first EVERYTHING and It's hard imagining him not being there.Oh & i never dropped out of school I have all my credits but I just can't seem to pass the exitlevel Test and all I need is math and Science. Also,I had been trying to look for a job until they repoed my car and well i had no transportation plus all the jobs wanted a highschool diploma and well all i had was a certificate of completion.So yea but I'm happy to say My dad just gave me back my old car that I had crashed like 2 yrs ago..I didnt know he had been working on it all this time and he finished it at the time I needed it the most! So i plan on going back to getting my diploma and finding myself a job =]..Now as for my husband our situation is ok for now.his recruiter is working w. him on getting him in and well lets see how it goes. But thanks again for all the advice!

[You'reasian]

Hey everyone thanks for your input even though they were very very blunt but it's not the first time I've heard this. & to answer most of the questions,yes i knew He was a pothead before we got married but I thought he would actually quit because I saw him really trying & i know he really wants to..hes constantly crying begging for my help but i dont know what to do.. and yea i do love him a whole lot he is my first EVERYTHING and It's hard imagining him not being there.Oh & i never dropped out of school I have all my credits but I just can't seem to pass the exitlevel Test and all I need is math and Science. Also,I had been trying to look for a job until they repoed my car and well i had no transportation plus all the jobs wanted a highschool diploma and well all i had was a certificate of completion.So yea but I'm happy to say My dad just gave me back my old car that I had crashed like 2 yrs ago..I didnt know he had been working on it all this time and he finished it at the time I needed it the most! So i plan on going back to getting my diploma and finding myself a job =]..Now as for my husband our situation is ok for now.his recruiter is working w. him on getting him in and well lets see how it goes. But thanks again for all the advice!

 

Tough.

 

Some day you'll buy your own car and pay cash for it

 

Best of luck!

[angpang]

I use to live with the same husband. All he ever did was smoke pot and get drunk. The only job he could get was working at subway for crying out loud. I ask him everyday to do something with his life, but no nothing at all. so I got a job, went back to school and found my self a great support group of people to help me with my son. I didn't get a divorce for at least a year after I did all this, because I hope every single day that he would change and do better, because I was. Boy was I wrong. We had a little boy also and life was tough and has been since the divorce, but not as tough as it was before, because this time I was dealing with the problems that I was creating and I didn't have an extra person causing more. Now I take care of my son and I just find. I work and have my own place to live and I even met a guy that love My son and I and wants to support us and take care of us with my help also. You can do it girl!!! It's going to be a hard road, but I knwo you can do it. You don't need a man draggin you down. You need one that wil lift you up and make you feel good about yourself!!