Mexxx Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Hey everyone, thanks for reading. I've gotten myself into quite a predicament... and am not sure how to approach it. Before i begin, i think it's vital that I supply you with some background information. And so we begin.... I'm 18 years old, in my first year at community college, and am just starting to get into the dating scene. In highschool i had alot of friends, was always talking to different girls, but I was still a virgin. When i was 16, in my junior year i dropped out and stopped talking to virtually everyone. It was a sad and depressing time for me, and for about a year and a half, i probably left my house under 5 times to hang out with friends.... I lost most of my social skills... and was now nervous around girls, where as before I was a natural at making everybody laugh. In june, 2 months before my 18th birthday I was determined to take control of my life, and started making changes. I got myself back together, started going to the gym nearly everyday and improved my physique drastically, as I was in pretty good shape to begin with. Seeming like a gift from up above, a girl i used to talk to got ahold of me via myspace. We started talking, texting, and we started liking each other. Mind you, i hadn't talked with a girl in more than a year! We set up a night for me to come over and watch a movie. It was the day after my birthday and it was the best gift I could've asked for... to be intimate once again. I was nervous... and she could tell. We kissed during the whole of the movie and i left after. The next day she told me she was pregnant with her ex's baby. My heart was broken, lol. I'm pretty sure it was a lie, but i got over it within a few days, as i realized how stupid it was for me to get feelings for a girl i had only talked to for a few weeks, and only made out with. The 16 year old me would be laughing hysterically. After that i started calling up all my old friends, determined to get back out there. I started going out to parties every weekend, and redeveloping my old friendships. At first it was a tad awkward for me, as my social skills were so completely lacking. But after a while, i regained my charisma and charm and could hold a decent conversation and even bring out a few hearty laughs. After my social anxieties were conquered, a new challenge arose. Now, forgive my lack of modesty, but I'm a pretty handsome fellow, and even when my social skills were in the gutter, i still had a couple girls give me their number. So once I was revamped and able to speak easily, i was getting numbers at every party, and a few times was able to take girls back to my car. And here's where the new challenge arose. I was still a virgin and was very nervous sexually. I've always been, and still am insecure about the size of my penis. The first time i took a girl back to my car, she unzipped my pants and was ready to give me a blowjob, I was so nervous i couldn't even get an erection!! I was so completely embarassed!!! This was in about late august... Since then I've been with around 9 or 10 girls, looking for a girl that i could get feelings strong enough for to let her be my first. I was a virgin, and sorry fellas, i wanted it to be special. Whenever i started "talking talking" to a girl they'd always ask how many girls I'd been with. I think I give out the impression that I've had sex with alot of girls. No, actually I know I do. And it's my fault, i unconsciously encourage girls to get that feeling about me. I think it might be because I'm nervous about how i will perform sexually so having girls think i've been with alot of girls helps to alleviate it. So, with the first few girls I talked to, I told them I was a virgin. They laughed and told me to tell them the truth, and threw random numbers at me. "10? 20? Come on Michael.... tell me the truth" With the first girl i was talking to, i insisted i was a virgin. She got angry, thinking I didn't want to tell her the truth, and we stopped talking. So after that I started saying i'd been with 2, but girls still seemed to have a problem believing that. At this point, I felt like I was missing out on so much fun by waiting for the right girl. So i decided the first girl i could find that was either really hot or that I had the smallest of connections with, I would let be my first. Now... getting to the main point of this post. Those of you still with me, THANKS! Probably a little more than 2 months ago, I met this girl at a party. Didn't talk, just introduced. I thought she was pretty, but was having too much fun playing beer pong to start up a conversation. A few weeks later (so she tells me, i was far too hammered to remember) I saw her again at a halloween party. Still hadn't really talked though. Then about a month ago, she added me on myspace. We messaged for a bit, then exchanged numbers and started texting. This was on like, a thursday. the next day, friday we talked about meeting up at a party, but nothing happened. Saturday morning, my mom left camping for a few days, and so I had the house to myself. I decided to have a party, and invited her over. She came alone towards the end of it, I was pretty drunk already, but was still elated to see her, i thought she looked beautiful, and liked her from the start. I introduced her to everybody, and after she left she thanked me for making her feel so comfortable. The next day I had a small kickback with my best friends and their girls. Just barbecuin with some beers. I asked her to come over again, and she did. I was on my 5th beer or so, but was still decently composed. Everybody's having a good time, I'm outside with her alone for a bit, finishing up the burgers. We're joking, laughing, she feeds my dogs, which i loved LOL. It gets cold, so soon we go back in, take a few shots, then sit on the couch with everybody watching a movie. Then she whispers in my ear, "Hey.... show me your house" I know what that means, and at this point you remember, i'm totally ready to lose my V-Card. So in my mind i'm doing a little victory dance going crazy! I grab her hand, look back at my best friend, smile and he laughs, then lead her on. We get in my room, i turn on my makeout playlist and she sits on my bed. I get on with her, and we're just laying together, talking, laughing, joking. We get a little closer, start cuddling, i'm giving her little kisses all over, we're tickling each other, just having a genuinely great time. Then BAM! she hits me with it. "How many girls have you been with?" "2" "Shutup! Come on..." "14" (i dont know where i pulled that number from... i was definitely buzzing though) "You sure....?" "Yessss, does it even matter?" "Yea... i wanna know... well I guess 14 isn't THAT bad..." We resume our cuddling but I can't even get her to make out with me. I'm a little frustrated, but am ok with it, cause i'm having such a great time with her. We did this for about 5 hours... she didn't leave til around 4 in the morning. Then she sends me a sweet little text about how she had a good time or whatever. The next day we were texting a bit, talked about her coming over again later. She told me she could come at such n such time but I was busy then so i told her no. When i finally get home she calls me and says she can come over for about 30 minutes. She comes over, and asks to meet my mom. I'm hesitant, i've never introduced any girls to my mom but i agree. They meet, my mom goes to bed and we watch a movie until it starts skipping so we go back to my room, and pick up where we left off the night before. She tells me she has a boyfriend, at that point i didn't care, and just brushed it off. Said something like "good, he can keep you busy when we're not together" She laughed and we resumed talking and cuddling... she told me the shortest she's made a guy wait was a month. I laugh and joke telling her i'd wait a year. She laughs too, remember she thinks i'm the player type. She's over for another few hours... leaves early in the morning again. and sends me my text At this point i'm like damn, this girl's pretty tight. So next day, she comes over at night again. So I know she's feelin me too. Basically, we do the same thing as the previous nights, but it's not getting old and we're really just enjoying being together. She stays over til about 4 again then leaves, sends me my text, and i knock out. The next night is when i really fell for her. All day we're texting and she comes over around the same time. My friend's over and we're all just hangin out in my room. He leaves after about 30 minutes and we start watching this cheesy chick flick on my computer while we cuddle. We stop like halfway through to go get some cereal... We play-fight over who's gonna make it. We decide we're gonna make it together so its fair and we end up spilling it all over the floor. we're both hellla laughing and i dont know... just really started caring about her then. We go back to my room and eat, then start the movie back up. We're laying down and she falls asleep in my arms... i fall asleep soon after. She wakes up at like 5 and we're like **** lol. she leaves and i go back to my bed. She texts me and we talk about how we're so comfortable around each other... i slept like a baby that night. The next night is one of my good friend's 21st birthday, so we're at his house playing beer pong for a while. I almost didn't go because I wanted to be with her... but no harm done, I have my friend take me home around 12, she gets there soon after. We do our usual routine, and after a while she asks me to massage her thighs. now i'm like... YES!!! it's finally going to happen! I'm taking my time, like really. She still has her jeans on and I wait like 15 minutes before i start rubbing my hand between her legs. She's real hot and i can feel the moisture through her jeans. I make sure not to rush anything... and kiss her stomach while i rub her for another 10 or so minutes... then I unbutton her jeans... unzip them... struggle to get my hand in... and her body's writhing in pleasure, I'm super excited. I wait like 5 minutes and start tugging on her belt loops "What are you doing?" I stop, unable to believe what i'm hearing. I look her in the eyes "I'm done." I zip her pants back up, button them then lay down on the other side of her, frustrated, and a little pissed off that she'd tease me like that, as if this were a game. She turns to face me and hugs me like she never has... now i'm not only frustrated but confused. I'm looking at her and she has the biggest smile on her face, but not a teasing, demeaning one, one of genuine happiness and bliss. She kisses me sweetly. I'm still kind of mad... "It's getting late... you should probably get going..." "Yeah... you're right..." We do our usual thing, I walk her out in the freezing cold, hug her goodbye and go back to my bed, waiting to see what her text says tonight. "I have so much respect for you now..." I'm mad, finding out that this was just a game for her to figure out if I would push her or not. I don't reply, and try to fall asleep. "bzzzz" my phone vibrates with a new text. "Whats on your mind michael?.." "Honestly vanessa?" "Damn... this is gonna be something crucial huh?..." "I'm tired of you testing me and not believing me when i tell you that i'm not just trying to have sex with you." "Well put yourself in my position... i don't know what your intentions are.... or why you even started talking to me..." I'm still mad, and I fall asleep without replying. The next morning I wake up and feel bad, and text her, "Can we kiss and make up?" "=)" We text all day as usual, i'm out most of the day runnin around with my friend and he complains that i'm texting her all day lol. It's friday and so everybody's tryin to figure out whats goin on that night. This other girl I'd been talking to who lived in another city was telling me she wanted to come kick it and party with me, cause we'd talked about it before. I sort of wanted to prove to myself, and my friends that i'm not whipped and stuck on vanessa, so I tell her to come. She comes with a few of her friends a bit later, and i'm feeling guilty, and want nothing to do with this girl anymore. All i want is for vanessa to come over and lay with me. I'm talking to these girls for a while, and tell them that i'm sorry but i'm not gonna be going out after all that night. I felt pretty bad... but I made my choice, and invited vanessa over. She came and we were watching tv all close. One of my best friends calls, we were supposed to hang out that night so I told him to bring this girl he was seeing over and we'd all hang out. They do and we're all watching a movie when vanessa asks to go to my room. I'm excited and we head to the bedroom. We just cuddle and we're both just so happy to be together... just thinking about it right now I get all tingly... anyways.... we're alone together for about an hour then we go back into the living room and watch the end of the movie. I let my friend use the spare bedroom and we go back to mine. We do our usual thing... fall asleep together... wake up around 4 and go to jack in the box for drive thru... come back and eat in her car, just talking. She tells me she's going away to montana for christmas.... and that she's leaving the upcoming wednesday and will be gone for almost 2 weeks. We're both bummed out, but decide to make the most of the time we've got til she leaves. We go back into my room finally, and start getting really close. we've both got our pants off, i've got the hardest erection of my life, and can't wait to be inside her. But i take my time, and go down on her. While i'm eating her out, I lose my erection... and when she tells me she's ready... i'm softer than a pillow. I tell her hold on, and try to psych myself up. she asks if i need some help, and i'm terrified of her feeling me down there when i'm not hard.... because of my insecurity about my size... I finally give up, and try to act like i'm not that bothered by it. She's really sweet about it too, and we both fall asleep. It was the first night she slept over. She left that afternoon, as she had to get ready for work. That night brought us alot closer. To be honest i was unsure whether things would be the same after that. That night I was at a party and she called me after she got off work, and came over to where I was at... I told her I wanted to stay a bit longer and that she should come in, but she said she'd just come get me when I was ready. I'm drunk, and I call her around 1 to come get me, she does, and i'm just so happy that I have her in my life. We get to my room and I don't remember everything that happened, but I know I was too drunk to try anything sexual, so we just cuddled. She left around 4 that morning. That was the 7th night in a row we'd been with each other since we started hanging out... and even though i wanted to see her again the next night, I felt like we should have a little break, so I told her I was busy. Monday night she comes over, we're watching a movie for a little while, then we start making out, then dry humping. we take our clothes off, and finally, I'm not a virgin anymore =D I think I did pretty well, but I made a few mistakes. For one, I didn't use a condom =\. Don't worry, Its been 2 weeks since then, and I'm fine. As far as how well i performed, i think i was doing pretty well. Except that about 2 minutes in she started moaning my name, which totally threw me off, and got me WAYY too excited. "Whaa?" I thought she was about to orgasm so my own tension built up, and I got ready to pull out "Dont forget you dont have a condom on" ****, by the time she said that i was already about to burst. So i pulled out and caught it in my hand, went to the bathroom, completely elated and proud of myself. I just wish I would've lasted longer so we could've both climaxed together I came back and we layed together and both fell asleep. She came over the next night, and had sex again. I still didn't use a condom, and to be honest it's mainly because I don't want to risk losing my erection. I lasted a little bit longer this time, we even switched positions. I pulled out in time, and thinking i'd try something my friend told me about, i tried to ejaculate on her stomach. the lights were off, thought and it got all over her hair. I felt bad, and she was a little embarassed, but us being so close and feeling so comfortable with each other, we couldn't help but laugh our asses off. She showered, came out and put some of my clothes on... we cuddled for a little while and then she had to go.... and that's the last time i saw her, as she left the next day. So the day after she left, I tried to convince myself i wouldn't be all mopey while she was gone, WITH her boyfriend. So I had this girl i'd been talking to come over, we got REAL close to having sex, but I didn't want to... I felt like I'd be cheating on vanessa... so i apologized to my friend, and asked her to leave. Now, for the main reason of this post, here's the dilemma i'm facing. She's been sexually active for more than 3 years now, and thinks i have been for around the same amount of time. She also thinks (well i'm not sure if she thinks so now, after my obviously amateur performances) that i've been with 14 other girls. So, I feel it's only a matter of time until she realizes either that A: I was lying, or B: that if i've been having sex for 3 years and still have sex like a rookie it's not going to get any better and that she'd do well to move on. So men, women, boys and girls. My deepest thanks to all of you who listened to my story. All advice will be considered and again I'd like to thank anyone for whatever you have to say! Thank you all!
moonshadow Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 All I can tell you is that you're taking a huge risk by having unprotected sex........and if you think that "pulling out" is going to prevent an unplanned pregnancy, think again. You're 18 yrs old, in your very first year of college; do you want to totally, negatively impact your future by getting someone pregnant, or maybe even contracting an STD? Please, for the sake of your health and future, don't take such chances. Read up on birth control......what you're doing, "pulling out" is what's often referred to as "the withdrawal method" (google it) and you'll see just how risky it is in terms of pregnancy risk.
JohnnyBlaze Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I won't bother going into the risks; MS already addressed them. So, on to your question. The next time sex comes up in conversation, just tell her "you do realize you really are my first, right?" If she gives you grief about it, just tell her "I tried to tell you the truth, but you wouldn't believe me!"
animo Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 1) wrap it 2) some people have sex for 40 years and still suck at it... what makes you so special? (ie don't worry about it, she wont catch on) 3) you got nothing to hide, or at least you shouldn't have 4) cheating happens when you are in a committed relationship and you violate that commitment. 5) stop the penis envi. We all have to work with the tools we're given, appreciate your tools!
Author Mexxx Posted December 31, 2008 Author Posted December 31, 2008 Thanks for the advice thus far guys, I looked up the withdrawal method on google (thanks MS) and realized the risk i was taking, so i'm definitely wrapping tonight. @Animo, I've only had sex twice, and surely I'm going to improve after a while, I want to be an awesome lover. She's told me i know how to read her body.... but I wasn't sure if she was telling the truth or not (probably just because i find that hard to believe...) but hopefully she was speaking truthfully. And in that case, I'll just need to last longer, long enough to allow her to reach orgasm. So, I've another question now, Ladies, how long does it normally take you to reach orgasm? And Guys, how long does it normally take you to make your partner orgasm?
lazlow99 Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 You weren't joking, that was a long post. To be honest you could've just said, 'I lost my virginity to a girl who thinks I've slept with 14 girls' or something and got the same replies. Interesting story non the less, and I gotta give you respect for re-building your confidence all by yourself. Its something a lot of people struggle to do or can't do at all. Before I lost my virginity I lied to girls and even my friends about how many girls I'd slept with. The girl I lost my virginity too, when she asked me I just said '4' and I must admit I didn't put in a bad performance. I think it all boils down to self-confidence, if you go into it thinking you're the man then you will be good in bed. I'd say keep your secret to yourself for the moment, and , if it does develop into a long term relationship then tell her then. If she is the right person for you then her reaction should be positive. I've kinda feel sorry for her boyfriend though, she's going away with him and she's cheating on him, and he has no idea. Just remember if she's doing this to him she'll probably do the same to you if you get into a relationship. Don't expect too much from a relationship with her, you're still very young.
mental_traveller Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 She's got a bf, and slept with you bareback. That means she does the same with her bf. And who knows who *he* is boning without a condom, or what diseases he or she might catch. Get the picture? Plus, you don't want to get her pregnant. Next time put on the party hat! As for how good you are, relax, people can't tell that good. The only one thinking about that is you, because you are so nervous. So chill. Consider whether you want to keep sleeping with someone in a relationship. That's not good form, and not good for you or her or her bf. Finally, I would tell her the truth if I were you. Just make light of it, say you were shy and made it up, and that this was actually your first time.
animo Posted December 31, 2008 Posted December 31, 2008 Consider whether you want to keep sleeping with someone in a relationship. That's not good form, and not good for you or her or her bf. Well if he doesn't, some other guy will. I know that's not an excuse, I'm just saying, their relationship is ***ed anyway... so you know, why not... also about the being good/bad at sex thing... Howlong does it take? It's different for every couple, and different for each individual. Some women can orgams like 6-8 times in one session of say, an hour or something... other women, they never orgasm at all. Even with the exact same person, sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. I think it's important that you're more focused on having a good time rather that hitting climaxes... So just have a good time, do some research, read up on some stuff, then try it out. Two things you really need in the bedroom, as a guy is confidence, and dominance... I don't mean dominance as in masochism or anything like that... what I mean is that you lead the interaction, you lead whatever is going on in bed, and you do that so well that the girl just naturally falls in line, and it puts her at ease because 'everything is handled'... yah something like that.
Author Mexxx Posted January 4, 2009 Author Posted January 4, 2009 Thanks for the continued advice... and the first time we had sex, I was really scared the condom wouldn't fit, so I told her I didn't have one. We were both really into each other and after we both reassured each other we were std free, she let me in without a condom. We've had sex now every night since she's been back, and to my pleasure, neigh, both our pleasure i'm becoming a better lover each night. And though i'm far from a Casanova, I last longer now and can come back and be ready for 3 or 4 more sessions. I'm over the anxiety now and don't have a problem getting an erection anymore. Since she's been back, we've been spending more time with each other... but idk, my feelings for her aren't constant. When she's over and we're laying together, sometimes i'll feel incredibly passionate with her... but other times i'll be bored of her, especially when we're not together, or she starts talking about what she did that day, or anything about herself that doesn't have to do with me. Damn, that sounds bad. Does that mean I don't like her for who she is? Grrr, frustrated. I like her when we're cupcaking, or talking about us together... everything else bores the hell out of me. But like I said, there are times when I feel extreme passion for her, but I can't really see myself falling in love with her, even if she were to fall for me. Mainly because of how bored I get when we're just having casual conversations, and for the fact that she has a boyfriend that lives with her. We are pretty close, but we have a hard time talking about our true feelings for each other when we're in person. Over text message, she's told me "i'm getting really attached to you... i think about you all day, and feel incomplete without you, but I know my boundaries so don't be scared...plus it wouldn't be that good for me either riiite?" So i've gathered she's got the impression I don't want to get into anything serious... and that she's scared to put her feelings out there and let me know how she feels, scared that I won't feel the same. I share those same feelings of attachment and those same feelings of fear, but think we need to talk about it in person... and so i replied with a purposely cryptic and ambiguous message "**** boundaries" She really blew up my phone after that, asking me what I meant. I told her we should wait til we're together in person to start this conversation, because I know that it'll get deep. So i don't know, I'm afraid that my feelings of closeness with her are only because of her being my first, and not genuine admiration and appreciation for who she is. Not sure what the purpose of this post was, but I like you guys, and feel I should keep you posted =) Any comments deeply appreciated.
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