is closure a big part of moving on?

[smiiiley]

Either I'm weird or just really in love with my ex...

 

 

We have a long story which i wouldnt post in here but the thing that is driving me insane is that after our break-up, all i kept doing is crying and telling him i love him and try to convince him to get back together. Now you know when you're hurting you cant really think straight...

 

 

There is sooo much I didnt say to him..I basically let him walk away thinking that for me everything was perfect, he was perfect and that it was all my fault..i never told him certain things and i wish i had..i wish he knew exactly how i felt..i wish we would have had some closure (besides me crying and him telling me its over) also we promised each other after the break-up (and 3 months after it) that we'd remain friends...but now we hardly talk...i have so much i want to say to him but i choke..he feels like a stranger now...first relationship, first break-up...i dont know the rules but its about to be 5 months now...and yes i still think about him, i still miss him..it has been 2 months since the last time i saw him...

 

 

is closure a big part of moving on? can you truly move on when you're holding so much inside of you? my story is so complicated..i held so much inside for 2 years and never let him know how i truly felt about everything...i feel like someone died and i never got to tell them how i felt... but i would not risk brekaing NC so i guess im stuck

[confusedgirl85]

I think yes a person needs some closure... my ex broke up with me kind of the same way yours.. i never told him what i felt i just kept quiet and let him walk away. I think i would be better if i truly knew the reason he left me and if i could've said some things to him as well, now its too late i think. I dont have the guts to go to him and talk and say all that i want to say, but maybe u can... let us know how it went.

[Joker77]

I honestly feel like I never got closure. My ex never really told me why were breaking up other than she couldn't be in a relationship right now because she had too much on her plate. To be honest, I really don't care if I get closure or not.

[confused_2008]

I've read a lot of people on here say you often have to make your own closure. Only you really know what's best for your situation. You have to weigh whether breaking no contact and risking getting a cold response from him is worth the closure you might get by telling him what you didn't before.

 

I don't really know, but I think you're better off not contacting him. If you're comfortable with it, maybe you could post more about your situation here and people can help you get closure for yourself. It helps having people willing to listen that can relate to your situation and offer opinions without the emotional attachment.

[saturnfell]

I think many people feel there are things they didn't say they wish they had. And I think these things change day to day as well. If given the opportunity, we'll always leave something out. Some detail which we'll believe was the key point in the entire conversation and kick ourselves for not having communicated it. I don't think breaking NC is a very good idea. The best thing for you to do, is do your best to allow yourself to move on from the situation. If you're meant to speak with this person again, and the opportunity presents itself, you'll be able to let it all out then if you feel it's right, but I wouldn't go out of your way to start a conversation. You'll be setting yourself back if you do this. I would highly recommend not to. However, I would recommend writing it in a post on here and getting it out. At lease this way you're allowing yourself to communicate your thoughts, and you'll get honest and reliable feedback from the people on this forum. Good luck and I'm sorry.

[Living_For_Me]

I think closure from the dumper does help alot when you're trying to recover.

 

I never got it from my ex and 2 years later i still wonder "what if" it is a horrible feeling.

[againstallodds]

I don't think it's closure that you need. I think it's the you want what you can't have syndrome. The truth sux and it may be worse to know. Some people left us without saying a word. If you ask them why they'll blame you for everything. It's better not to ask.

[Posco_Proudfoot]

Sometimes I don't think you ever get closure. There won't be a magic word or phrase that some will ever get. Time is the cure and eventually, whent the hurt feelings are over with, that you start to see much clearer on what the real issues were.

[not_a_happy_camper]

i know where you're coming from smiiley. feels like if you could truly understand why they've left, it would be easier to move on. i got "we're not right for each other. long distance never works." which makes no sense since up to then things had been so good.

 

i don't know that it will help to know the truth. i don't know that it will help you to tell him how you felt. it's been so long. i think like everyone else is saying, don't contact him. pour it all out here, because letting it out may be the help you need to move on.

[MWH]

Everyone's sitch is complicated so don't think you're alone in that!

 

Closure. Every time my ex and I split I wanted it. Needed it. Craved it. Jones'd for it. Had to freakin' have it or I was gonna die. Ugh. I looked to HER for it. Yeah- check that out- I expected to get relief from the very source of my pain! Insanity at its finest...

 

I got all the closure I needed right here, all alone, all by my own little self. How? By getting sick and tired of feeling like crap. By being 100% honest with myself. By knowing, not *thinking* that there was a damn thing I could do to change the way things are right NOW. By allowing myself to BE powerless.

 

Powerless. Does that mean I'm weak? No. Does it mean I'm a "quitter"? No. It means that this is the way it IS and that all the meddling, fussing, whining, crying, and all the effort I could muster up was not going to change the way things ARE right here and right now.

 

I got sick of trying, sick of hoping, sick of waiting, sick of her promises, sick of her lies, and most of all I got sick of myself and what I had become. I wanted my dignity back. I wanted my self-worth back. I wanted my health back. I wanted my "mellow" back.

 

The only way I was gonna get myself back was to STFU and TAKE it back. I'd had enough. I was not going to look anywhere but inside myself to find peace.

 

At some point her side of the story stopped mattering. It no longer mattered what her take on it was. Finally, for the first time in a LONG time, she just did not matter any more. I found everything I needed right here inside of myself.

 

I achieved "closure" from the one place I failed to look: Inside of myself.

 

 

Peace,

 

MWH

[Sexy Kitty]

I feel the same way. There is so much more I'd love to say to my ex. I have things I want to ask him that I never got to when we broke up.

[EmperorR]

I never got closure from my ex. Help she cheated on me dumped me blamed me for her cheating and like a pathetic little idiot I said nothing. Even when she was mocking me disrespecting me. Texting the guy she cheated on me with right in front of my face I said nothing.

 

Only because I'm 110 days nc or around there is the only reason I won't crack and tell her how I really feel