smiiiley Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Sorry I just read a thread on here..."How to break up with a nice guy"...the girl said she NEVER had feelings for the guy (no chemistry and stuff) but she went out with him for 3 years!!!!!!!! The thread literally made me feel sick to my stomach as now I am wondering..could this be true for alot of our ex'es? I mean my ex told me he was in love with me..then after the break up he said he just really really liked me alot..and that he USED to feel butterflies and really be into me before but that thats not the case anymore...I wonder for how long had he stopped "being in love"? or if he ever even was... Wow, that post messed me up... If i were to find out that he never felt anything for me, it would crush me...this situation is terrible... i would never do this to anyone...people are messed up!
hoartiosans Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 The Girl who dumped me said she loved me too, I think people just throw that word around nowadays, they don't stop to think if they actually mean it. So your all happy thinking they love you and then they just stop and kick you to the curb.
kizik Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Pretty cynical thread... I'm not bitter enough to think that my ex, who I was with for three years, never loved me. Whether she "actually" did or didn't, I will never know. All I know is I had some good times and I'll fall in love with someone else again.
norajane Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Love means a lot of different things to different people. I think most people mean it when they say it, but it doesn't necessarily mean the same thing to them as it does to you. And some people's love only goes so far...meaning, even though they might love you as much as they can, their love doesn't guide their actions, or it doesn't mean their love is the kind that's meaningful to you or enough for a lifetime commitment.
Author smiiiley Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 yeah my ex told me he DID love me and have feelings for me..but they "changed" and thats why he left..but reading that thread just made me feel weird and sick to my stomach...because i would hate it if he lied and never loved me at all....if you read the thread its would suck to be on the other side (no offense to the one who wrote it)
Trialbyfire Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Love means a lot of different things to different people. I think most people mean it when they say it, but it doesn't necessarily mean the same thing to them as it does to you. And some people's love only goes so far...meaning, even though they might love you as much as they can, their love doesn't guide their actions, or it doesn't mean their love is the kind that's meaningful to you or enough for a lifetime commitment. Agreed! Beyond what you've said, infatuation or the honeymoon stage of any relationship, tends to be confused for love. Not surprising since it's such a strong emotion.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Once a person falls out of love, they tend to rewrite history based on what they are currently feeling - not what they used to feel.
Trialbyfire Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Once a person falls out of love, they tend to rewrite history based on what they are currently feeling - not what they used to feel. Now how true is this! Everyone does it to an extent but also, everyone has a different version of "the truth".
EmperorR Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Ah let's see my ex said she loved me until she screwed another guy she just met three times. But then even after that she loved me 8/10 and then a week later it went down to 2/10. I don't think my ex fiancé loved me it was just lust in her eyes.
That Emotion Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Many people mistake certain feelings for love. I've done it. Love is something that everyone seeks. It's also something that is impossible to define, especially if you've never been madly in love before. There is no telling exactly what another person really feels for you and how exactly those feelings should be interpreted. My advice is to not dwell on the past. If you find love with another who claims to love you back, let it happen. Maybe you can be somewhat guarded but, there's really no practical or real way to prove love. So what else can you do? Let it happen and enjoy it and be grateful for the gift of it.
Knight_Ctrl Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Part of me still wants to stick with love doesn't die until it is broken. Looking back now...not I can't believe that my ex loved me. Not after what she did and how she wasn't even willing to try and make things work. **** got patchy and bitch jumped the boat. So no, no matter what she's said in the past is irrelevant now. Then there is me; did I really mean it when I told her I loved her? Absolutely, I proved it too by giving her "space" and being understanding, patient, disciplined, forgiving....you name it I've done it. But even though daily I kill a little bit more about how I felt about her, yes someday I truly wont care anymore. There is a huge difference between telling someone you love them (what she did) and actively showing it (what I did).
hoartiosans Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 My ex, said she loved me, but when she stopped to think if she wanted to be with me long term, she couldn't. That just says to me, it wasn't love for her. I wanted to be with her for a long time, and she just didn't feel that way about me...not love. She just threw that word around with me, making me happy, but she obviously didn't mean it. She still said she did love me still, but if she loved me we wouldn't be done.
amerikajin Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Love means a lot of different things to different people. I think most people mean it when they say it, but it doesn't necessarily mean the same thing to them as it does to you. And some people's love only goes so far...meaning, even though they might love you as much as they can, their love doesn't guide their actions, or it doesn't mean their love is the kind that's meaningful to you or enough for a lifetime commitment. I think the last part is especially true. I completely understand that breaking up is never an easy process for either the dumper or the dumped, and the dumped feel worse in a sense because it wasn't their choice to end the relationship. The dumped feel powerless and extremely vulnerable. But if one person isn't feeling it, the best thing that person can do is just say it. Sometimes it takes a while to know that things just aren't going to work out. But the moment a person knows for sure it's not going to be a long-term thing, I think that they have to tell them that sooner rather than later. Sometimes there is security for both people in hanging on to a stale relationship, and to be honest, I think most relationships get stale over time. But unless you're in a committed relationship, I think it's best to disclose those feelings and let the chips fall where they may.
hoartiosans Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 My real problem is with people throwing the word around nowadays, when I said it, I thought about, after I felt it, I thought about what I was feeling, lust, infatuation, love, or something else all together, and waited to say it until I was sure. Most people (including my ex) just say it blindly now.
Sexy Kitty Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 My real problem is with people throwing the word around nowadays, when I said it, I thought about, after I felt it, I thought about what I was feeling, lust, infatuation, love, or something else all together, and waited to say it until I was sure. Most people (including my ex) just say it blindly now. I totally agree. It's like people don't even care anymore. They just say it for the sake of saying it. My ex said he loved me and then 2 weeks later leaves me. Hmmm, sounds like love to me.
angryyoungman70 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Part of me still wants to stick with love doesn't die until it is broken. Looking back now...not I can't believe that my ex loved me. Not after what she did and how she wasn't even willing to try and make things work. **** got patchy and bitch jumped the boat. So no, no matter what she's said in the past is irrelevant now. Then there is me; did I really mean it when I told her I loved her? Absolutely, I proved it too by giving her "space" and being understanding, patient, disciplined, forgiving....you name it I've done it. But even though daily I kill a little bit more about how I felt about her, yes someday I truly wont care anymore. There is a huge difference between telling someone you love them (what she did) and actively showing it (what I did). Your post is unnerving how accurately it describes how I feel. Instead of jumping the boat though, she threw me overboard. Made to live in a 17 foot camping trailer in -30c weather, almost froze to death one night and she "had issues" with me staying over in the basement 'till the weather got better. That's love aint it?
Trialbyfire Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 But if one person isn't feeling it, the best thing that person can do is just say it. Sometimes it takes a while to know that things just aren't going to work out. But the moment a person knows for sure it's not going to be a long-term thing, I think that they have to tell them that sooner rather than later. Sometimes there is security for both people in hanging on to a stale relationship, and to be honest, I think most relationships get stale over time. But unless you're in a committed relationship, I think it's best to disclose those feelings and let the chips fall where they may. I think it's cruel when people remain in stale relationships or keep the other person on a string/as a back up plan. It's smacks of usage unless there are children involved. Then you need to work out your differences, if at all possible and if nothing's possible, just LEAVE.
againstallodds Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Have you ever love someone that you don't even know it? On my previous relationship I thought that I didn't love her as much. I guess sometime when you're in a relationship you feel so comfortable that's it is so routine that you don't even realize it. When she broke up with me it seem like my world has ended. Action speaks louder than words.
georgejungle Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I think we live in a world where it's: "I LOVE YOU... unless i get bored or someone better comes along."
Trialbyfire Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I think we live in a world where it's: "I LOVE YOU... unless i get bored or someone better comes along." I absolutely refuse to believe that. Sure, there's a percentage of the population who are users. There are also decent people out there who are capable of the depth of emotion you want and need. We all just have to be more careful about who we invest in. Also, no one party is 100% guilty unless there's mental illness, alcoholism, drug abuse or abusive behaviour involved.
Angel1111 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 As a person who has ended at least 4 significant relationships, I can say that, yes, most likely, they did love you. But, for me, in all of the cases where I ended the relationship, two things happened each time: 1. I let them know very plainly that things they were doing were killing our relationship, and 2. I let them know that I would leave them if the behavior didn't stop. When it didn't stop, my feelings for them were put on the back burner because it became too much work for me to be with them. Not only that, but I knew that if someone I loved told me that something I was doing was driving them away and they would leave if I didn't stop, then - trust me - I would stop. Since none of my exes ever stopped what they were doing, even when I spelled it out for them in case they were too dumb to figure it out for themselves, I figured that their irrational actions were more important to them than I was. So, I left and they got to keep their irrational behaviors. Maybe you didn't get the forewarning, and maybe you weren't doing things to drive your partner away - but I always gave the person a chance to make things right. Maybe you were just with a person who didn't know their own mind or just didn't understand the ebb and flow of relationships. When things are going wrong or when two people are too incompatible, the amount of work it takes to keep it going starts to overwhelm those feelings of love. But it was always hard for me to walk away, I always missed them. But never did I second-guess myself because by the time I walked away, I knew things weren't fixable. Contrary to popular belief, love is not always enough. There are a lot of irrational, selfish people out there and love cannot conquer that.
hurtnconfused2 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Sorry I just read a thread on here..."How to break up with a nice guy"...the girl said she NEVER had feelings for the guy (no chemistry and stuff) but she went out with him for 3 years!!!!!!!! The thread literally made me feel sick to my stomach as now I am wondering..could this be true for alot of our ex'es? I mean my ex told me he was in love with me..then after the break up he said he just really really liked me alot..and that he USED to feel butterflies and really be into me before but that thats not the case anymore...I wonder for how long had he stopped "being in love"? or if he ever even was... Wow, that post messed me up... If i were to find out that he never felt anything for me, it would crush me...this situation is terrible... i would never do this to anyone...people are messed up! I get where you are coming, in fact I understand and relate to alot of the posts. `Did he ever feel anything for me` wow that`s the million dollar question. My boyfriend broke up with me on Christmas Day, after his ex-gf approached him on Christmas Eve begging him to come back. I`m actually typing this post on a laptop that he gave me before he walked out. Ironic is it not. Prior to her approaching him, I was all he could hope for apparently, people told him this is the happiest time they have seen him. Throw into the mix the fact that this is the third time a relationship has ended because of an ex. The first being two years ago with my now ex-husband. I have to believe he felt something for me, it does make it easier to cope and god knows I`m so full of self doubt now when it comes to trusting. In my humble opinion if she could have so easily swayed him, he was already aware of how he felt about her. Thus he should have never dated me or anyone else. He should have never looked at me less than 3 days before he broke up with me and told me to have faith in him. Don`t let it mess you up!!! Believe that he did feel for you, take what you can from the experience and learn from it. Now if only I could do the same thing.
hoartiosans Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 My ex said he loved me and then 2 weeks later leaves me. My ex said it the day before she dumped me. And I don't believe she didn't care about me, but she shouldn't of let me think that she cared about me in a way she just didn't. It led to me being hurt more than I should of been.
dannydrifter Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Once a person falls out of love, they tend to rewrite history based on what they are currently feeling - not what they used to feel. What I don't understand is, if one really loves another, how do they fall out of love to the point where they can be so mean and cruel to the person they claim to once have loved so much. I just don't understand that. My ex wife is so hostile and cruel with me now, it simply amazes me how this person could have had any real love for me. It's funny because after all this abuse and time apart, I still love her and pray for her well being! Isn't that f* up?
dead-dyke Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 What I don't understand is, if one really loves another, how do they fall out of love to the point where they can be so mean and cruel to the person they claim to once have loved so much. I just don't understand that. My ex wife is so hostile and cruel with me now, it simply amazes me how this person could have had any real love for me. It's funny because after all this abuse and time apart, I still love her and pray for her well being! Isn't that f* up? Same here, dude. I often wonder why I still feel this way after all that's transpired.....
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