sister in-law

[BORED]

hi guys.

 

dont know if im going crazy or just plain unreasonable..my husband and i have been married for almost 3 yrs now.and each year it gets rather boring..even worse is we have an almost 2yr old girl and that really makes it hard to just leave or end this marriage...which i dont see going anywhere. i am at the point of creating some entertainment for myself, like hanging out and all,but i fear my having an affair may be the last of that..

HELP..

[moonshadow]

hi guys.

 

dont know if im going crazy or just plain unreasonable..my husband and i have been married for almost 3 yrs now.and each year it gets rather boring..even worse is we have an almost 2yr old girl and that really makes it hard to just leave or end this marriage...which i dont see going anywhere. i am at the point of creating some entertainment for myself, like hanging out and all,but i fear my having an affair may be the last of that..

HELP..

 

Why is your post titled "sister inlaw"? It makes no sense, given the content of your post.

 

What age are you and your husband?

 

So why are you bored? Bored in general or bored sexually? What steps have YOU taken to liven up your marriage, have you actually done anything to try and improve it?

 

Is your husband also bored?

 

Did you expect that marriage was going to be one big never-ending excitement fest? Marriage takes work and effort and commitment and communication and working each day to try and keep things from getting stale.

 

Sounds to me like you're just looking for someone to give you permission to go out and cheat.

 

Have you told your husband how you feel? If not, why not?

 

Have you considered going for marriage counselling?

 

You owe it to your daughter, both you and your husband, to do what's necessary to improve your marriage and fix what's broken.

[BORED]

yeah i agree that title is off..forgot to change that before posting..as i was going to discuss something else about my sister in-law.

anyways..im 27 and he's 40...and we have seemed to get along with that age difference just fine in the past..

i know marriage is hard..because i'm dealing with that aspect with my sister in-law..

i'm only 27 and pretty much feel like i'm 57..(i have felt that way since i was pregnant with our daughter 2yrs ago).

we have both talked about this and how to entertain --as per going out making friends and all..but when its time to actually go out or invite/visit friends, he comes up with an excuse e.g..i dont like babysitters...

and i just think he's never gona change..as i said previously..its getting worse with the excuses and im getting older..

i dont want to miss whats left of my youth...

[moonshadow]

.

i dont want to miss whats left of my youth...

 

Huh? You're 27 yrs old, a grown woman with a husband and a child. If you so wanted to retain your "youth" you should have never gotten married or brought children into this world. At 27, sorry to say it but you're just a little bit past your youth. Time to grow up and realize that you're not 18 anymore and life isn't just one big social affair or party hour.

[atwitsend]

Completely understandable. You're bored. You need to end your marriage and have a few meaningless affairs. Till you're ready to get married the next time. By then your personality will completely have changed and you won't be the shallow spoiled little girl you obviously are now. By then most likely you will be in your late 30's sliding into 40 and with the healthy amount of partying you plan on, you will look every bit of it. I'll wager your husband will probably find somebody who loves him pretty quick after you're out of the picture. I'm sure you will give him custody of your 2 year old too. Why? Because you want to party. Little kids can be such a cramp on your fun. And don't forget about that little girl down in Florida who was constantly in the way of mom's party time.

[BORED]

ok...i get it..i'm crazy..that was indeed my first question.

but i dont think i'm being unreasonable. maybe having a feminine reply to this post would help. By the way, wanting some fun outta life isnt necessarily a "healthy amount of partying".

thanks for the sacarsm.

[moonshadow]

ok...i get it..i'm crazy..that was indeed my first question.

but i dont think i'm being unreasonable. maybe having a feminine reply to this post would help. By the way, wanting some fun outta life isnt necessarily a "healthy amount of partying".

thanks for the sacarsm.

 

Uh, I am a female.

 

I asked you valid question in my initial response but you chose to ignore them and not answer. I'd asked if YOU have done anything in your marriage to spice things up, to make things un-boring, have you considered or tried marriage counseling, etc........but you didn't bother to answer.

 

Why did you marry so young if you're so concerned with preserving your youth and having fun? Why did you bring a child into the situation?

 

You've pretty much made it clear that unless you stop feeling bored soon that you're going to find some kind of "entertainment" and you also pretty much admitted that you'd consider having an affair.

 

I suggest you grow the F up and realize that life isn't all about fun. Do you work outside of the home? I'm sure you probably don't. I'm sure your husband doesn't find it fun to work every day to put a roof over your head and support his family but that's called life.

 

Do you do anything special for him? Do you do anything to surprise him and show him you love him or do you just expect the world to revolve around you and your childish need for "fun"?

 

Frankly I hope he gets wind of your whining and he divorces you; so that he can find a mature woman who's actually not a whiner but instead is thankful for all that she has.....

[atwitsend]

Well I guess you got the woman's view. The amazing thing I see is that you have no guilt over your feelings at all. You don't really give a damn if you hurt him or not. Just so you can have your fun. He needs to drop you like a bad habit. And please let him have custody. He is obviously a hole lot better parent then you could ever be.

[BORED]

Female? ain't that sad for you...that you had to be mistaken...

and i did answer your question..."we have both talked about this and how to entertain --as per going out making friends and all..but when its time to actually go out or invite/visit friends, he comes up with an excuse e.g..i dont like babysitters".

maybe you should try to be more feminine..then u can read better..

you hope he divorces me right?.. now that some advice or help eh? plus i'm whinning?...i thot this was some forum for discussing experiences...and not some hating from a nagging old wife.

 

@atwitsend...i can tell the negativity in you is a burden..u need more help than i do..

[signedin2008]

Let me get this straight....you chose to get married and you chose to have a child and now you're complaining about the life of a wife and a mother?

 

The party is over! Get that out of your immature head and focus on being a mom! You made a choice and live with it. You're not single anymore!

 

i am at the point of creating some entertainment for myself, like hanging out and all,but i fear my having an affair may be the last of that..

HELP..

 

Are you having an affair or thiking about having one?

[moonshadow]

Female? ain't that sad for you...that you had to be mistaken...

and i did answer your question..."we have both talked about this and how to entertain --as per going out making friends and all..but when its time to actually go out or invite/visit friends, he comes up with an excuse e.g..i dont like babysitters".

maybe you should try to be more feminine..then u can read better..

you hope he divorces me right?.. now that some advice or help eh? plus i'm whinning?...i thot this was some forum for discussing experiences...and not some hating from a nagging old wife.

 

@atwitsend...i can tell the negativity in you is a burden..u need more help than i do..

 

Well toots, if you're that bored, perhaps you could take some courses in grammar, punctuation and writing in full sentences.

 

Funny, everyone responding to your pitiful "whine" is saying the same thing. Go figure.

[BORED]

very true..i chose this life of a wife and mother..bt not a life of depression...without friends(equally marreid with kids--coming over for diner) or movies ormummy and daddy time or hanging out with your husband for a few drinks...

what is it that i'm conveying wrongly here?..

how does a mother/wife unwind or loosen up after 3yrs of monotonous working a 9-5 job, pick up from daycare, cooking,cleaning or sitting home all day on birthdays,xmas and valentines?

Depression is always the endline...as i have seen that happen to people in my shoes..

So some positive advice would be greatly appreciated...thanks.PHEWW!!!

[atwitsend]

What positive advice are you looking for. You haven't said anything that would warrant it. There isn't anything positive about what you're contemplating. I guess you're on your own. You'll end up doing just what you want to do anyways, regardless of who it hurts.

[brothelmaiden]

hi guys.

 

dont know if im going crazy or just plain unreasonable..my husband and i have been married for almost 3 yrs now.and each year it gets rather boring..even worse is we have an almost 2yr old girl and that really makes it hard to just leave or end this marriage...which i dont see going anywhere. i am at the point of creating some entertainment for myself, like hanging out and all,but i fear my having an affair may be the last of that..

HELP..

 

That is what happens when you marry an older boring male. I'm sorry but you chose your fate and it's now time to lie in it.

[moonshadow]

very true..i chose this life of a wife and mother..bt not a life of depression...without friends(equally marreid with kids--coming over for diner) or movies ormummy and daddy time or hanging out with your husband for a few drinks...

what is it that i'm conveying wrongly here?..

how does a mother/wife unwind or loosen up after 3yrs of monotonous working a 9-5 job, pick up from daycare, cooking,cleaning or sitting home all day on birthdays,xmas and valentines?

Depression is always the endline...as i have seen that happen to people in my shoes..

So some positive advice would be greatly appreciated...thanks.PHEWW!!!

 

Wow, you're so hard done by. I think you should just go out and have an affair.

[signedin2008]

Bored, you never answered my question. Are you having an affair or do you have someone in mind?

[Bryanp]

I would suggest that if you feel that your life with your husband is so unsatisfactory and leading you to depression, then maybe ending the marriage would be in your best interest. What is the point in making your husband and yourself so miserable? The problem of course is how take care of your child. I would also suggest maybe trying to take some interesting classes at a community college in the evening for a start. If your husband absolutely refuses to meet people and have friends then you both desperately need to seek out marriage counseling. You and your husband seem totally opposite. It sounds like this marriage is not good for you, your husband and your child to be in this situation. I wish you luck.

[Geishawhelk]

hi guys.

 

dont know if im going crazy or just plain unreasonable..

 

Oh, I think you have a pretty shrewd idea by now which one we think it is....

 

my husband and i have been married for almost 3 yrs now.and each year it gets rather boring..

 

What have you asked him to do for you personally, to make it a bit better?

What have you thought of doing for both you and your husband to make it better?

 

even worse is we have an almost 2yr old girl and that really makes it hard to just leave or end this marriage...

I know, kids.

They're such a bind, huh?

I should know, I'm an ex-kid myself.

I'll admit though, my parents never considered me as an "even worse" object....

which i dont see going anywhere. i am at the point of creating some entertainment for myself, like hanging out and all,but i fear my having an affair may be the last of that..

Are you looking at it the same way as your H?

How and where does he see it going?

Does he have any idea - any clue at all - that this is how you feel?

If not, don't you think you should at least have the courtesy of discussing it with him....?

 

 

HELP..

 

You don't need help.

You need a reality check.

Or a swift kick up the askance.....

[Holding-On]

Given that you are

saying you are depressed

seeing everything negatively

venting

isolated

and

home all day with a two year old...

 

I'd wager you are, uh, depressed.

 

I remember the toddler years. They are not so far behind me that I have rose glossed them over in my mind yet!

 

Giving giving giving patience, attention, limits to a two year. Setting endless kind, restrained limits day in and day out is, indeed monotonous. And at the end of the day,

well, I felt like a two year old. My maturity was spent!

 

My advice? : I think you need to deal with the depression.

google "serotonin" and "cognitive behavior therapy" - these are things you can address yourself. If you are too depressed your mind simply might have such a serotonin deficiency you will have to take drugs to rebalance it (Prozac etc).

 

Are you sleeping?

Your posts are very scattered and I wonder if you have had a good nights sleep (full REM sleep) in a while.

Are you eating healthy food?

Are you getting stimulating exercise?

Are you getting away for breaks?

(that last one seems to be no so I have some suggestions)

join a gym, YMCA or community center with childcare

trade childcare for a couple hours during the week with another mom

hire a school girl as a mother's helper after school for a couple of hours every week so you can get out or so that she can take your daughter out to the park

as suggested before: hand your daughter to your husband and leave the house once a week for an evening class or something.

[Holding-On]

forgot to add...

 

in an airplane you have to put on your own air mask first before you take care of anyone else

 

So deal with your depression and getting yourself better

hopefully you will then be able to point out one or two good things about your husband and hold on to these things in your mind (cognitive therapy here)

whether or not you divorce him in the end

 

You seem in a very bleak place. I wish you peace and hope you can get to a happier situation.

[MissMae]

I'm kind of shocked by how negative so many people on here seem to be. The lady asked for advice because she knows this is a problem, I don't see what insulting her will do other than to boost your own egos.

 

I agree with the person above me that you should seriously consider counseling, definitely for yourself and maybe as a couple as well. It seems like you're feeling isolated and depressed. A therapist could help you sort out what's going on and help you figure out a solution that won't be as destructive as an affair.

 

It seems like what a lot of what other people took issue with is that your dissatisfaction and need for a more active social life is contrary to their ideas of how a wife and mother "should" act. The thing is though, there is no set criteria for what makes a good spouse or parent, other than love and dedication. But if you're not happy as an individual, it will definitely begin to affect your relationships as well.

 

The roles of wife and mother are obviously central to your life, but it's important to feel fulfilled as an individual too. Before you consider having an affair, I'd suggest just trying to make friends and have fun being social on a platonic level. Take a class locally, maybe art or a new language, so that you can meet people and focus on yourself more. Playgroups could be a great way to meet new friends for both yourself and your kid. Join a gym or join a local adult team-it will give you a way to get rid of stress, meet people (see a trend here?), plus getting in shape will make you feel sexier and give you more energy to chase the toddler around. Plus it's been scientifically proven that exercise triggers the brain to release all kinds of feel-good chemicals, basically a natural antidepressant.

 

If your husband doesn't like babysitters, do you have family who would be willing to have your child visit overnight? That way the two of you could go out and have an adventure together just the two of you. Do you have girlfriends who you could have a girls night out with now and then? Maybe old friends from high school or women you get along with at work but just haven't hung out with yet?

 

In other words, I think you should make time for yourself. Some people are more social than others, and there's no reason why you should feel like you can't have friends and lead a fulfilling life, as long as you're responsible about it. Keep it platonic. You know where that line is, and if you feel like you're coming close to crossing it than back off and talk to your husband and perhaps a counselor about it. Focus on building relationships that will be complementary to the ones you already have, not detrimental to them.

[BORED]

thank u missmae...

will surely use all the positive advice...

[0000008881290000000]

I think Missmae offered you some really solid advice about ways to improve your marriage. I just wanted to add that if you are feeling like something is missing in your relationship, the best thing that you can do is talk to your partner about how you feel, especially if you think some action on his part will alleviate your boredom. It might not happen quickly, but hopefully, you and your husband will be able to work together to make your marriage stronger.

 

Absolutely don't have an affair. Your relationship with your husband will be damaged indefinitely, possibly irreparably and you will have to live with the consequences of what you do forever.