Will she come back to me

[presto1122]

So i stupidly broke it off with my girlfriend for no clear reason. I mean she drinks a lot and she knows that she needs help with that and she said she was going to after new years. So let me give some background. We started our relationship about 7 months ago with her cheating on her husband with me. We are co-workers at the same school and we fell in love while working together. I moved her in my place rather quickly because she didnt have any place to go and I wanted her here with me. I really feel like she is the one. now I know she still isn't over her husband (they were together for 10 years) but she constantly reassured me that she wanted to be with me and not him. He is very unhealthy for her for many reasons. I sat by her side many times while she cried over him but she still told me that she loved me and wanted to be with me. So now we are broken up and I realized I made a stupid stupid decision and told her that and that I didn't want her to go. Now she tells me that she wants and needs to live on her own. She says she needs to get through this on her own. She says she doesn't know what she wants. How can she go from knowing that she wanted me and everything about me to not knowing what she wants?

This is killing me because I know if I never had told her that I wanted to split we would still be together with no problems.

Do you think she was lying to me when she told me she wanted me?

Oh yeah one last thing. When we broke up, that night she had her husband come and pick her up and bring her to a hotel because she didn't want to stay here and there was no one else she could call.

What should I think of this?

Do you think she will come back to me? She tells me she does still love me and she knows that she will be very happy with me.

 

PLEASE HELP

[Habibti]

Here's the problem..

When someone loves us and we love them and they break up with us, a trust has been violated. We trust people to love and care for us through our worst and best times, when someone breaks that trust even though we're in love with them it's hard to trust that it will be any different if we let them back a second time. We start to self preserve, and go our own way doing things on our own, shutting the other person out because it's registered to us now that we can't trust them. It's difficult to get back together with someone you can't trust.

[presto1122]

but she knows she can trust me. I told her that I made a HUGE mistake and want to work through this stuff together. I even told her that when she gets sober that I will not drink either.

[Ratherunique]

I am in a similar situation. I'm sorry to say....but just like in my situation, after you broke it off with her, she probably looked back at her relationship with her husband with rose colored glasses and is now confiding and seeking attention from him. That's just what I think....the fact that he picked her up and brought her to a hotel doesn't sound good. It looks like the women we were both seeing have what we would call the "CASE OF THE EX".

 

Go NC immediately, don't try to beg or rationalize for her to come back.

[lofi_tokyo]

If you broke up recently, perhaps some of the best advice to take is... just give it time, try to heal, and see where your head is at a few months from now.

 

Sometimes after a break up, the dumper tends to go through thoughts of "did I make a mistake?". The finality hits them, and its scary, causing them to want to run back to their comfort-zone (being in a relationship). But how comfortable was your last relationship? If you broke up with her, even if the reasons seem silly now, they were reason enough at the time.

 

So! Give yourself some alone time. Get used to being single. Maybe in her alone time, your ex will start to work on her problems, and you can work on yours. Second chances are not usually successful, but they can be - in most of those cases, it seems both people in the relationship take some time apart and grow. So let that growing happen, find yourself!

 

If you've done all that now, and been broken up for a while, I'm not sure how useful my advice will be, so sorry in advance.

[BikerBeagle]

She says she doesn't know what she wants. How can she go from knowing that she wanted me and everything about me to not knowing what she wants? Do you think she was lying to me when she told me she wanted me?

 

Oh yeah one last thing. When we broke up, that night she had her husband come and pick her up and bring her to a hotel because she didn't want to stay here and there was no one else she could call.

What should I think of this?

 

Do you think she will come back to me?

 

PLEASE HELP

The most common factor in a rebound relationship is denial (stage of grief over her previous relationship). Was she lying? ...probably not, she was in denial ...big difference. However, that doesn't mean she wants you now.

 

My guess is, she's going to end up going back to her ex-husband ...or, at least, trying to. I'd probably go so far to say that the only reason you believe she went to a 'hotel' is because that's what she told you ...and probably isn't true.

 

Will she come back to you? No. (Sorry, but that's the dead truth.) If she does, it will be because of guilt, not love. Don't allow her to bounce back and forth between you and her ex ...that's a rollercoaster ride you don't want to be on.

 

Don't pursue this ...count it as a lesson learned and move on.

[Doofus]

I wanted to post to let you know I totally understand your second guessing yourself - but don't. Though our situations are different I also broke up with a girlfriend end up (to this day) regretting it and second guessing my every decision. The thing for all the things you THINK you could have done to change it (short of cheating I suppose), if it was truly meant to be, she would have been grateful to come back. I beat myself up for months but I also realize that there were some fundamental problems that doomed the whole thing. May be yours is the same way.... anyway just didn't want you thinking you'd caused it.....