Left for his first love

[igotmyphilosophy]

About 3 months ago my ex broke up with me after getting back into contact with his 'first love'. It had been 14 years since they were together at school and they hadn't seen each other at all for a few years but she contacted him on MySpace and they met up. She has a couple of children now and I guess is divorced.

 

He didn't cheat on me, but didn't tell me that they had been back in contact until after we'd broken up. He had mentioned her to me a few months before as he was saying how he's never felt the same way about another girl since her, although he hadn't had many other relationships. To be honest I just thought he was looking back with rose-tinted glasses and didn't think much about it.

 

We were only together for 8 months or so but I still think about him a lot, as my feelings for him were stronger than for other guys I've been with.

 

However, I have also become a bit obsessed with this idea of 'first loves'. I keep looking up articles all about couples who have found each other after years or decades apart, having never properly loved anyone else since they had first been together at 15/16 etc. Apparently as you're full of emotion when you're young and you share all your 'firsts' with them, they kind of 'imprint' on you and you judge everyone else against them.

 

I never had this 'first love' experience as I was quite late having my first relationship and was never really in love with that guy. I've had a couple of other relationships but I guess it's different once you get a bit older.

 

I now can't stop thinking about the fact that this is something I've missed out on, and I'll never feel that way about a person. I also now worry that I'll meet someone else who is still really in love with their 'first' and they might get back in contact and it will happen again. It would be much worse if we were married or something, which is becoming more common now with websites like Friends Reunited etc. It just seems like such a strong force between these people, and it's something I just can't get my head round.

 

I probably sound a bit crazy, and I don't even know what I want people to say, but I'm getting a bit desperate now as I keep thinking about it and looking it up and it makes me feel sick and anxious. Is this really as common as it now seems to be? Will I ever find someone that I feel that way about?

[Peter_pan]

wow. well my ex seems in love again. doubt this will ever happen. but cant ever say never.

 

its so weird! kinda nice in a way if one was to meet up with the first love after all that time and stuff.

 

but obviously its really tuff on you. or the other person, its like they have been waiting all that time

[lofi_tokyo]

While there are a lot of first loves that DO get back together have incredible amounts of time, and live very happy and fulfilling lives as a couple, that is not the usual case. In fact, when put next to all the first loves that never DO get back together, I would say first love reunions are quite rare.

 

So while right now it may seem you're missing out on some huge experience, I think that you're only feeling this way because of what has recently happened in your life. But... you're not missing out on the world, don't feel too crushed!

 

There are many people out there that years and years later, long for their first loves - but the feeling is not reciprocated. It can be as much romantic as it is a curse.

 

 

Another thing to note, and this may help in understanding WHY your ex just up and left is: I suspect he was dumped by the woman. Its not so much that she was his first love so much as she was his first heartache. Maybe this isnt the case, 50% chance I'm right ;p, but... some people never let go of that pain, they just bury it for a long time. Maybe he buried his pain, and only when she contacted him did he open himself up.

 

I dunno. That last paragraph is kinda shooting in the dark.

 

Overall, be strong. I don't think it matters WHEN or IF you have that first young love. As long as you had true love once, be happy, you experienced something amazing, even if its gone now.