Sad1979 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Hello all - I have been married for a few years and my wife and I have always had issues related to sex. I shouldn't say all the time but I want to have sex more often than she does. She says she's tired or not in the mood and I just don't know what to do anymore. It is always a touchy subject and that is my concern since I don't know how to discuss with her without her getting defensive. Anytime I bring it up she says she says it is always on her mind "does he have enough sex" and I don't know how to react. The thing is she makes me feel guilty for bringing up sex even though right now we only have sex about every three to four weeks. Need some guidance please.
axisdenied Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 With the little you've posted, here's what I can offer you: There is no magical switch you can flip to just make somebody interested in having sex with you. For women especially, sex is a multi-tiered experience. If they're having sex with us regularly, we can usually feel good and proud because it usually means two or more of the follow things: 1) We are desired 2) We are loved 3) We are wanted 4) We are a better option than masturbation 5) We are admired 6) We are respected 7) We've found a partner who is comfortable with their sexuality If she's getting defensive with you over merely suggesting it and it's like pulling teeth to get her on board at all, one or more of those things is probably missing from your relationship right now, meaning the underlying issue is not sex. Your difficulty with communication suggests to me that you may need a mediator like a marriage counselor to help the two of you sort through whatever tangled web of interpersonal problems that is leading to the lack of sex. Good luck, A
Geishawhelk Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 You seek and seek and seek for the fundamental reason for why there is no sex, and then you finally find it. But be warned: Just because you find it, doesn't mean the problem is solved. It just means you've found the reason. Getting the sex back is a whole different ball-game.
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