Gere51 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Can't believe this is still bothering me after seven months. Last night something really weird happened which brought back some hurt I had when she broke it off with me. I was watching TV, then suddenly I was overcome with this really bad sense of "dread"; the same feeling one has when you anticipate a bad ending to a situation. Couldn't understand why but I looked at the date on my computer clock, and was EXACTLY seven months since she broke it off, even to the hour. I went NC in August, and haven't heard since, and thought I would be over her now but I'm not. Anyone else have this situation? Hate to sound emotionally needy since this is simply not like me, but I'm still having a hard time. I don't want to feel this way but it's not going away. Thanks for listening.
orangehose Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Don't beat yourself up over it. It's not abnormal to be having relapses at the seven month point... sort of like a PTSD thing. You think you're fine and then suddenly another mini-wave of memories come back. The process to complete healing isn't a straight line. Telling yourself you 'shouldn't' feel this way or that way tends to just worsen whatever you're feeling at the moment. I'm at over 8 months and I can't say I'm 100% over it either, but I'm learning to be more tolerant of my own feelings. Heck, I don't care at this point if it takes another year to completely get it out of my system. It's like a disease of the mind that you just gotta wait out, while you go on with your life. The day will come when you're completely healed. Don't stress over it.
Author Gere51 Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 Thanks for the support. I know you're 100% right, but what bothers me is that I've never been this hung up over a woman, and it's like she has this strange hold over me. I've done what is recommended after a break-up, i.e., date around, don't get serious, get involved in activities, etc, so I guess you're right about the "relapses". Can't imagine how bad this would be if I had remained "friends" with her like she wanted.
kizik Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Don't beat yourself up over it. It's not abnormal to be having relapses at the seven month point... sort of like a PTSD thing. You think you're fine and then suddenly another mini-wave of memories come back. The process to complete healing isn't a straight line. Telling yourself you 'shouldn't' feel this way or that way tends to just worsen whatever you're feeling at the moment. I'm at over 8 months and I can't say I'm 100% over it either, but I'm learning to be more tolerant of my own feelings. Heck, I don't care at this point if it takes another year to completely get it out of my system. It's like a disease of the mind that you just gotta wait out, while you go on with your life. The day will come when you're completely healed. Don't stress over it. Quoted for brilliant truth.
EmperorR Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I know the feeling today I had to pick up my sister, and she lives in a apartment right across from my ex I could literally throw a rock at my ex's window, and waiitng in the car I broke down I don't know why 4 months and still dealing with this crap.
ioncebelieved Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Nothing abnormal at all! I am several months post ex and still not there. I have good days and not so great days. I still have triggers that get me! Takes time and one day we shall be whole again.
peacebyinches Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Theres got to be some way to say **** this Im a man I got to snap out of this. I dont want to go through this **** again. I went through it before. No ****ing am I gonna be all depressed and sad over some broad again. **** that man. **** THAT!
peacebyinches Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Then what? Then you get over them. Meet someone new and the **** happens again, or worse you get married and then you go through the **** in the marriage and ifidelity forums. **** this ****. Im done with relationships and feelings and all this faggot ****. Im a ****ing man. I aint no bitch. **** THIS!
EmperorR Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Then what? Then you get over them. Meet someone new and the **** happens again, or worse you get married and then you go through the **** in the marriage and ifidelity forums. **** this ****. Im done with relationships and feelings and all this faggot ****. Im a ****ing man. I aint no bitch. **** THIS! LOL I've been cheated on an I still can't believe it to this day, if I get chested on again I'm done with women.
BackonTrack2 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 don't feel to bad, i broke up with my ex back in feb but it was over long before that, i hadn't realized, come to find out she was cheating on me for MONTHS, i didn't even know, i was so stupid, i thought she was acting strange and couldn't figure out why she was making me work so hard..... it came to the point when the day i found out she was cheating on me, that morning i had sex with another women, i guess in my head i already knew it was over but she still came around... in hindsight though, its because i was giving her money....... anyway i fired her, she told me to **** off, that was it for me... woke up about 3 months ago.... anyway, it took about 7 months to get better, i'm on month 9 now, doesn't bother me that much anymore, but i still think about her, sometimes it feels like apart of me is missing, other times, i just wish she was here, othertimes, i'm like forget that whore..... i threw away everything, nothing left of hers, 100% nothing but the image in my head and its still strong, i look over to the left side of my bed sometimes, she's not there... its just crazy how life works, you learn to live with the losses good luck to you
Author Gere51 Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 Well, since I haven't heard anything from her since the first week of August I'm thinking it would be safe to assume she's pretty much gone for good, which is a good thing for me. After the breakup she continued to contact me about every 10-12 days and I was starting to get that "nauseated" feeling when I'd hear her voice. Just glad I went NC and put and end to this.
MWH Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Well, since I haven't heard anything from her since the first week of August I'm thinking it would be safe to assume she's pretty much gone for good, which is a good thing for me. After the breakup she continued to contact me about every 10-12 days and I was starting to get that "nauseated" feeling when I'd hear her voice. Just glad I went NC and put and end to this. I know that "nauseated" feeling well. Any time I want to have shaky hands, a knot in my gut, high blood pressure, sour stomach, etc I know exactly where I can go to get all that: My ex. N/C is, by far, the best medicine. I finally "got" that. nd it works both ways- I won't allow contact from her and I sure as hell do not "check up" on her in any way. You deserve to feel good, man, and it is up to you to make sure that happens. Hang in there, step up and take care of YOU, and post here any time you need to. Peace, MWH
againstallodds Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I've been in a few relationship but this last one took a lot out of me. Don't really know why? Is it because she's more attractive than other girls? Am I obsessed with breasts and thighs than colonel sanders ever was?
peacebyinches Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I've been in a few relationship but this last one took a lot out of me. Don't really know why? Is it because she's more attractive than other girls? Am I obsessed with breasts and thighs than colonel sanders ever was? lol. You should see my ex's thighs and butt. Most perfect on Earth probably. The thought of someone else doing things to them I did drives me crazy. lol. Getting used to it though. Besides. Someone did it before me and they belong to her so what can I do? At least I can say I had that once.
motive2002 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 PTSD.. not a bad way of describing it. Last year the ex was in town for Valentine's Day. When I was asleep, she hid all of these little Hershey's kisses around my apartment for me to find. Such a sweet little gesture. It was fun, thoughtful and romantic. After the split, I was on a hunt to find and throw out all of those little hidden mementos. I thought I had got them all. A couple weeks ago I was unloading the dishwasher, and I tried to stack a bowl on top of another one, but there was something in the way. I reached into the bowl to see what the heck it was.. 3 little Hershey's kisses I hadn't found. A wave of shock ran over me. I had to call my sister and talk it out a bit. I was a mess. Here was the only remaining proof that someone that was so foul, and cold-hearted to me had once been so dear and thoughtful. The whole thing seemed like a cruel joke. Somedays I feel like the magic is gone. All that's left is bitterness. I ate those Hershey's kisses and they didn't taste sweet at all.
Author Gere51 Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 Thanks to everyone for their support. Today has been a lot better, as I had a monster workout at the gym, then got invited out tomorrow night by a hot personal trainer I had met a couple of weeks ago. I think working out hard makes one forget a lot of things that can bring you down. Motive 2002, I fully understand about the kisses thing. I had a special drawer where my ex kept her size 3 thongs. About a month ago I found a sales tag that had apparently fallen off one and it was a setback at the time. Hopefully, you've found all of them now.
Surfer Dude Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Here was the only remaining proof that someone that was so foul, and cold-hearted to me had once been so dear and thoughtful. The whole thing seemed like a cruel joke. This is what I have trouble grasping. How do they do it? That's the question that has been bothering me for months. How does someone who loved you just decide to put an end to that love? How do they bring themselves to the point where they just say "ok, I don't love this person anymore". Love isn't something you just decide to take back! It's not like a flow of water and you just cut off it's supply. It's something more, if it's there, it means that person means something to you! How do you get your feelings to change so much, that you stop caring about someone you had feelings for? HOW DO PEOPLE DO IT? You don't just stop loving someone. It's not like you can say "I'm going to love you if you do this/that, but unless you do the other thing, I will stop loving you". It's completely crazy and silly.
Author Gere51 Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 That's what I don't get either. Just two hours before she broke it off she was telling me how much she loved me, how much I meant to her, etc. Never made any sense whatsoever. What's more confusing is how she kept trying to stay in contact after the breakup. Go figure.
SierraRose Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Mending a broken heart is a painful process. I know-keep busy, join a gym, go out with friends..blah, blah...the bottom line is no matter what you do it still hurts. Time is the only healer. The first 6 months is the worst and you've passed that mark. IMO, (we've) come this far, the hardest part is over.
dannydrifter Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Then what? Then you get over them. Meet someone new and the **** happens again, or worse you get married and then you go through the **** in the marriage and ifidelity forums. **** this ****. Im done with relationships and feelings and all this faggot ****. Im a ****ing man. I aint no bitch. **** THIS! hear here! Relationships (and women in general) seem to be more headaches than all the hype. Just give me a real life android (blade runner quality) that looks like Jessica Alba and I'll be set. Happy new year!
BackonTrack2 Posted January 4, 2009 Posted January 4, 2009 Relationships can be sweet and loving. People are jerks though, some are selfish, some women live in a fantasy land, some are immature, some are just natural whores, some are loyal, its up to you as a person to pick the right person. I never had any trouble in previous relationships, except my last one..... That whore was a bad pick, fools gold, they warned me about her, her pretty face and tight pussy fooled me, got me whipped, she started taking away everything, slowly but surely, like a toad in water, the tempature just kept getting hotter and hotter, I didn't even notice, I was soo foolish, i feel like I was an idiot and my actions after, I tried so hard to end it, I threw her out, curshed her out, fired her, but she woudn't give up, she kept texting me, emailing me, calling me, she wouldn't just give up, somehow she made me lower my guard, then she crussed me the hell out, made me feel bad, like i did something wrong, made me feel like the bad guy, i was so stupid, i thought i had problems. That female, had to get in the last word, its almost like she just wanted to talk even though it made no sense, in the end, she broke me, took 9 months to repair myself, i'm still not healed, but on the upside, i'm so happy this happen because after our relationship, man oh man, i started to become more aware, more mature, learned allot, learned about hurt, once i started to remember, i was able to put two and two together and i was able to identiy behavioral patterns within females that will sure do me justice in the future, man this was a good thing in LIFE. I started datting this girl, she was acting like my ex, (when they have someone else, they treat you like ****), so I ended that one, then another girl started acting like that, ended that one too, 2/2 baby, I won't be hurt again, better them than me. For some strange reason, I wanna thank my ex for all the drama she put me through, for without her, I wouldn't be able to pick up signs of a cheating spouse. Learned SOOOOOO much in that relationship... SOO SOOO SOO much... Only at the end though, when I was alone in our apartment, the one i got for us, the one i'm paying 2k for, which is empty, the one where its just me, white walls and my computer screen, damn board. But yeah, relationships are GREAT, just... have to stop problems before they get to big to handle to be able to identify based on other person's actions, if they are in it for the LONG-HAUL or not and once they start changing..... thats it...... end it then.
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