Desi Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Hello , Im new here and this is my first post . Im a little confused becuase I dont know how to deal with this situation. I have been talking to a guy for about 3 months and we went on a first date which I think went ok . We were discussing a function taking place next sunday which he knows I always wanted to attend and he promised me to take me there as a birthday present . So I mentioned to him that this play is going on and he said " Do you want us to go together? " I thought great why not ? And then he says : - Ok please buy the tickets on your card ans surprise me with a good seat . Then hours later he kept texting me to make sure I buy those tickets and to get him a good seat . Please dont misunderdtand me here , I dont think that guys should pay for everything , but I think its a little rude to ask me to buy a pair of tickets that are priced at 200 $ , if he doesnt wnat to pay for it ( which I understand ) then why say that he is coming with me and make it a date and even worse promise me he would take me there as a gift of his . How should I deal with this situation very politely ? Also he has a very very good job and is in good financial situation , goes out every wekeend with his friends and spends 100 $ a night .. so money is not his issue . Could that mean that he is just not that into me ? When he doesnt want to have a detail for me ? Thanks for your advise!!!!
norajane Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 We were discussing a function taking place next sunday which he knows I always wanted to attend and he promised me to take me there as a birthday present . So I mentioned to him that this play is going on and he said " Do you want us to go together? " I thought great why not ? And then he says : - Ok please buy the tickets on your card ans surprise me with a good seat . Then hours later he kept texting me to make sure I buy those tickets and to get him a good seat . I don't understand how this is supposed to be his birthday gift to you if he expects you to buy both tickets? Or are these two separate events: the function on Sunday, and the play? If you want to see him again, I'd tell him, "I'm sorry, I can't afford to spend $400 on tickets to a play. Let's do something else."
elaina Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 huh! It's hard to know without knowing this guy... it might be just a part of his personality to not want to be in charge of making arrangements like buying tickets? Did he say that he would pay you back for the tickets?
moonshadow Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Hello , Im new here and this is my first post . Im a little confused becuase I dont know how to deal with this situation. I have been talking to a guy for about 3 months and we went on a first date which I think went ok . We were discussing a function taking place next sunday which he knows I always wanted to attend and he promised me to take me there as a birthday present . So I mentioned to him that this play is going on and he said " Do you want us to go together? " I thought great why not ? And then he says : - Ok please buy the tickets on your card ans surprise me with a good seat . Then hours later he kept texting me to make sure I buy those tickets and to get him a good seat . Please dont misunderdtand me here , I dont think that guys should pay for everything , but I think its a little rude to ask me to buy a pair of tickets that are priced at 200 $ , if he doesnt wnat to pay for it ( which I understand ) then why say that he is coming with me and make it a date and even worse promise me he would take me there as a gift of his . How should I deal with this situation very politely ? Also he has a very very good job and is in good financial situation , goes out every wekeend with his friends and spends 100 $ a night .. so money is not his issue . Could that mean that he is just not that into me ? When he doesnt want to have a detail for me ? Thanks for your advise!!!! How old is he? How old are you? What a loser. He suggests taking you to this function, as a birthday gift (which really is a bit much considering you've only been on one date - I'd never want someone who barely knows me to fork out that much cash for my birthday, seems unnecessary)....but then, in a manipulative way (seems cagey and manipulative to me) asks if you'd like the 2 of you to go together, you agree.........and he commands you to buy the tickets - oh, and be sure you get HIM a good seat. What an arrogant arse. Sorry, if I was you I'd have nothing more to do with this guy. Sounds to me like he's playing games with you, to "see" if you'll go ahead and buy the tickets.....like maybe some kind of test? Who needs that crap. Dump him, stop contacting him, tell him you don't take orders from anyone.
norajane Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 To be fair, he may intend to pay her back for the tickets, and just asked her to buy them since she's the one who knows the details about the play, location and time of the play, etc. He didn't say that's his intention, but we don't know that it isn't. That's why I suggested she tell him she can't afford the tickets...gives him the option of making it clear that he intends to pay her for them, or not.
Author Desi Posted December 28, 2008 Author Posted December 28, 2008 Hello Guys ! Thanks for all the replies , to make things clear ( thanks for all the questions asked ) the play and the function are the same thing . We started talking about it , because this is an event of which he knows more than I do because he is a clear BIG fan of this type of events and he suggested he wanted to take me there so I learn more about his favourite hobbie and since its something I always wnated to see I just mentioned to him " hey did you see that they are playing in town ? " . I DONT want him to pay for the whole thing either , is too much for a second date , I wouldnt feel good with myself . He told me to book them and becuase he knows all the details he send me a link with the website and his preferences . No he doesnt intend to pay me back becuase he said get me a good seat according to what you can afford . He is 25 and I am 24 , as I mentioned we both have good jobs so money is not an issue , but is just courtesy and also I wouldnt expect much from him so why put it on my shoulders....
Confusedalways Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Wow.. that is odd. If I were you, i'd just say that I really don't think I have enough spare money this month because of the holidays and can probably only afford one ticket comfortably, would he mind if he bought his own? I feel that's direct and polite.
Lauriebell82 Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I don't think this guy sounds real great. I understand that $200 IS a lot to spend on tickets, but if he is taking you somewhere for your birthday wouldn't it be common curteosy for him to treat? He didn't even ASK you if you were okay with it, he just basically told you too. I would follow Norajane's suggestion and say something like "Well, the tickets are a bit more than I would like to spend, maybe we could do something else for my birthday? Or would it be possible to pay for your own? Then see what he says. If he doesn't offer to pay for the tickets or offer to treat you to something else I would just tell him you have made other plans. The guy sounds rude.
moonshadow Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Wow.. that is odd. If I were you, i'd just say that I really don't think I have enough spare money this month because of the holidays and can probably only afford one ticket comfortably, would he mind if he bought his own? I feel that's direct and polite. But really, at this point, why NOW give him the polite opportunity to agree to pay for his own ticket? If he was so willing to put her into this position in the first place, why would she even want to go with him anyway? Does he have a piano tied to his arse? If he was able to email her the link so that she could buy the tickets, what's stopping HIM from doing the same thing? If he knows more about this event than her, because it's one of the hobbies he's passionate about (as she explains), why on earth is he pushing this all onto her - particularly when he's making it clear he has no intention of paying for any of it, and particularly after he initially said he'd take her there for her birthday? Seems like he's trying to scam her, quite frankly. I can't imagine meeting a guy and finding out he wants to go to some kind of event/function -- and telling him I'll take him there as a birthday gift.......then emailing him the link and telling him to go ahead and buy the tickets and be sure to get ME a good seat, the best that He can afford. What a crock. The guy's a scammer, trying to see how naive and guillible she is.
Confusedalways Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 Well, it isn't how I'd personally react as I wouldn't tolerate that kind of thing. But, it sounds like she still wants to go/ is at least slightly interesting still (although a bit put off).
norajane Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 We started talking about it , because this is an event of which he knows more than I do because he is a clear BIG fan of this type of events and he suggested he wanted to take me there so I learn more about his favourite hobbie I DONT want him to pay for the whole thing either , is too much for a second date , I wouldnt feel good with myself . He told me to book them and becuase he knows all the details he send me a link with the website and his preferences . No he doesnt intend to pay me back becuase he said get me a good seat according to what you can afford Oh, hell no. This guy is a user. Move on.
Geishawhelk Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 You know, I wouldn't even have taken the time to post this question. I'd be still too busy trying to pick my jaw up off the floor from his suggestion...... Have a great time on your birthday - but I suggest you plasn on doing things alone. I wouldn't give this guy a second breath, let alone a chance to buy his own ticket. I can just see him rubbing his hands in glee telling all his mates he's convinced some chick to buy his ticket for him - on her birthday!! How cool is that? What a mug she is! Don't be a mug. Tell him you can't afford both tickets, so you've bought yours.....
Meet 4 Coffee Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 If you want to go, go with a friend who is willing to pay his/her own ticket and forget this guy. Don't contact him back.
kashmir Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 This guy might just be the biggest douche in the universe.
Meet 4 Coffee Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 If he goes out every night spending $100 a night, he is probably a drunk, too.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 So the question is, are you going to buy the tickets for him after everything you have read?
2sure Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 If he is not a complete user, then he is completely cheap. He invited you. You do not pay. Its your second date, you pay for your drinks, not 400 in tickets. He cannot afford this event, thinks you are soo into him that you're grateful to go, and will also pay. He will later tell his buddies all about this. He is no gentleman. If you really want to go to this, and with him...give him the money for your seat and let him buy them. Oh, but he doesnt have a credit card...
Walk Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Assuming you could have misinterpreted his words, then I think I'd email (or call) him and ask: "I may have misunderstood, but did you want me to pay for both of us to go to this function?" Quick, short, to the point. He can sink himself at that point. If he responds along the lines of yes.. no matter what excuse he gives for asking it, just drop him. If it's an emphatic no, then give him a chance to clear the miscommunication. I'm leaning toward this guy just being arrogant and thinking you were so smitten with him (and insecure) that you'd go along with it. I'm all for women paying for dates, but not at $400 functions that he proposed.
moonshadow Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 You know, if I was in a similar situation, and even if the tickets were only $40.......I'd tell the guy to kiss my a$$ and then ask him who was his personal assistant yesterday? That would be the day I'd let someone I'd only dated once, send me an email with a link for buying event tickets, and dictate that I buy them for the both of us, and oh yeah - be sure to pick out a good seat for him. What friggin arrogance. Does he think you're his secretary or slave or something? On those grounds alone I'd tell him to FO.
Star Gazer Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I dunno... I get the feeling the OP said something like she had always wanted to attend this event but never had anyone to go with her, to which the dude responded that he'd gladly go with her. Because I mean, really... What guy asks a girl out to an expensive event and TELLS her to pay? Just doesn't add up.
BubblyPopcorn Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I second the motion Star, plus, it's her Birthday and he's asking her to suprise him with a good seat? Silliness!
Meet 4 Coffee Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 She did say that he'd take her there for her birthday, and when she brought it up that it was actually in town, he took it as a cue for her to pay.
BubblyPopcorn Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 IDK, maybe he's still in frat boy mode. This seems like a rather expensive second date anyway, maybe they should each buy their own ticket or pick something less expensive.
Author Desi Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 Hello Guys ! Thanks for all the responses , I really appreciate your input . I was thinking here as I read all the posts that I dont think this situation is something I should put up with . I am very aware that this is a second date and NOBODY should be put on the spot to but each other's tickets . That being said , yes it is my Birthday and not even then I would excpect such thing from a guy , so in the same way I dont like at all the fact that he ASKED ME to buy tickets for him . Someone mentioned previosly that it seemed like I still wnated to go , my answer to that is :Yes of course I want to go ! but not with him nor with anyone that puts me in a situation like this , I got friends I can go with . The whole conversation with him was very spontaneous and this is what I got as a response , as Im not going to buy the tickets , it was just a matter of whether it would be "rude" of me to cut him off just becuase I dont want to buy him a ticket .. but really ..after reading all this I assure myself that he is taking advantage of me . Also I went back to my msn conversation where he told me to buy his ticket and send me the link, just in case I missed a line or somethign you know , not to jump to conclusions. AND GUESS WHAT ? I remembered him mentioning his ex gf twice and he was bragging on how he spent soooo much money on presents for her and was a regualr costumer at a very well known jewelry store to buy jewelry for his ex ! So clearly im just rebound or he thinks im stupid ....or like someone mentioned he must have thought I was really into him .
2sure Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 So, yes - his loss - he has made a foolish mistake. Don't be too disappointed, he will soon realize it. Plus, he sounds like he is full of it - men with money who buy jewelry dont mention this kind of thing. Cut him loose by saying something like - So sorry, turns out someone else already read my mind and invited me to the show...I'm sure we'll see you there. OR I'm just not comfortable buying YOU expensive tickets for MY Birthday - and would appreciate it if you never tell anyone we went out that one time. Bye.
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