peacebyinches Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 ok, last night I sent an email and broke NC. Then I texted her 7 o'clock after dreaming about her. She said that weird a dream of you woke me up too. Ok, we end up talking 2 hours on the phone. I am about to take a job traveling a lot so I won't be around often. I'll be gone a lot. That is in March. She still wants to have sex until then, we still talk on the phone for hours, she says "I dont want to hang up yet", everything seems the same except she wont say I love you and when I hint at the relationship or working it out she references to "I cant say yes because I wouldnt want to break your heart again." Problem is either she is sharing more with me or my jealousy is getting higher. Why is she acting the same including sex but no title? This is confusing and Im regreting breaking NC but Im liking it.
norajane Posted December 28, 2008 Posted December 28, 2008 I don't know why you broke up, so I'm giving my view in a vacuum... She misses being with you - parts of your relationship - but doesn't want to commit to you. Either she's keeping her options open in terms of maybe meeting someone else; or she already believes that things won't work out between you in the long term so doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you, but likes the attention and physical part of being with you.
Author peacebyinches Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 The break up: She seemed to be really really attached to me at one point. One time after a fight I wanted to break up and she completely fell apart. Like I cant live without you type break down. We got back together in a few days. Then over the course of a few months I lost my job because of the economy, my expensive european car got repoed, and a bunch of other stuff led to me being severely depressed. I ended up checking in to a mental ward for a week to try to get my head together. She was there to the end then she picked me up when I got out (she lives an hour away so it wasn't convenient). She took me out to lunch, went to my house and had sex with me, then dropped the bomb she dont feel it anymore. Now she still wants to have contact everyday. I dont mean high and bye. I mean hours on the phone. She is also having a medical issue that may led to a lifetime with no kids. She is saying if she has to get this procedure she is going to drop out of school and have a kid while she can. Of course she says she'll have my kid. EVERYTHING appears the same but it feels different because I know she wont commit to me again. She says its gone. Yes I want to have wild sex with you (our sex is super kinky, we are both freaks), yes Ill talk all night on the phone. No Im not seeing anyone else, but I dont want to reconcile. Im confused.
Author peacebyinches Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 bump. any insight? we talked a few times today. She went to the movies with "her sister" and a friend at 7 and I haven't heard anything since even though she was supposed to call back. Im not calling her thats for sure. I feel like **** now. Is this some sick game women play?
Author peacebyinches Posted December 29, 2008 Author Posted December 29, 2008 **** it just hit me. Its really over. That is what it is. She can have sex with me with no feelings and probably wants to because it was real good. There is no alterior motive. She can do all these things with me with no strings attached now. She's gone. The relationship is gone forever. Wow yo. I been in denial this whole time. It will never be the same.
Nemo Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 Going that last inch makes all the difference.
saturnfell Posted December 29, 2008 Posted December 29, 2008 I would just stop talking to her all together. Having contact, especially physical contact which is intimate never helps. Do yourself a favor and don't let her use you like that.
Lizzie60 Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Methink she's playing you.. she's probably still in love with you.. but she knows she's got you 'hitched' and can do whatever she wants.. she has you by the balls.. and is having a loooooot of fun... You probably come across as being desperate to see her again.. and she knows it.. My 2 cents.
LavendarGirl Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Whatever you do, please don't have a baby with her to beat the clock, so to speak, for whatever medical ailment she is experiencing. No kids until/unless you two are in a stable, mutually committed R and you BOTH feel like having kids. Are you -wanting- to get back together with her? Are you two seeing each other in person, and not just talking on the phone? Do you know if she's also involved with any other guys right now? I don't know, I might say to proceed with caution, but proceed. She's interested in you, but not committing to you. But then again, it might be too early to really expect a commitment. If you feel she's using you for sex and/or you can't handle being her booty call, then don't do it, regardless of how kinky and fantastic things are in bed. If having sex with her puts you in a mental freefall, it's not what you need to be doing right now.
Surfer Dude Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Bro, you're being used big time. This girl is enjoying all the benefits of being in a relationship, but without the commitment. She's basically stringing you along for as long as she finds you convenient, but the moment her priorities change and she finds something else she's looking for (and she obviously is, since she won't commit to you), you'll get ditched. I've never seen a situation like this ending well, you really need to pull yourself out of it and start NC. You'll be doing both of you a favor. Is sex really worth it? I mean, let's face it, emotionally she has already dumped you, there is only physical left, and you can get that with any other woman who will even appreciate you more. It's done, dude. You'll only make yourself feel worse by stringing this along. She might be even genuinely missing you, but it's nothing more than a transitional period for her, I've seen this too many times.
GoneButNotForgotten Posted December 30, 2008 Posted December 30, 2008 Surfer is right on this one. She is holding on to you just so that she does not need to feel alone. Basically using you as a ramp to get into her next relationship. Nothing good can come from this. Keeping someone around for a booty call is a bad idea in general. It is even worse if you are starting off with feelings for the person. You have to walk away completely. Nothing can be resolved by being her crutch. You have to work on getting on with your own life. I know how badly it hurts to think you found that special person. But you can live without them. You can move on and find the person who loves you just as much as you love them.
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