I can't take much more of this

[electriclove]

I did something really stupid last night guys. I logged onto FB and looked at my ex’s profile, which was a massive mistake but I feel like this is the only link I have now to his life. There are so many pictures of him on a night out having a good time with his friends, a lot of them are female. When I see all these new girls that he's adding from work, I drive myself crazy by looking at their profiles. Last night I clicked on one girls profile, who ironically has the same name as me, and there were pictures of him on there, in what looked like an intimate setting in a restaurant. From what I could tell it looked like they were alone together.

 

At that moment I started having what I think was a panic attack. My heart started pounding and I couldn't breathe. My mind went into overdrive as I started imagining all these scenarios of them together. Even though I know I should have logged off at this point, I just couldn't. I started to look through is friends list for more girls that I thought he might be connected to. Then I came across one name which caught my attention. It was the name of the girl he'd told me he had a crush on/feelings for right before we broke up. I'll call her lisa for the point of this post.

 

Unfortunately I had access to her profile, so I had a look. I was shocked by what I saw to be honest. She's definitely not ugly but I didn't really picture her as his type. In fact she's the complete opposite to me. Very dark hair, lots of make up and top heavy. In practically every other picture her boobs were out and she was pouting to the camera. I know I don't know the girl but from what I can see she looks kind of trashy.

 

Seeing pictures of this girl really made me question whether my ex even found me attractive at all. This girl couldn't be more different to me looks wise.

I'm devastated, I really am. It's just made me feel even more insecure about myself than I was before.

 

I stayed up till like midnight looking at this girl’s profile. When I finally managed to pull myself away, I went to bed but I just spent the entire night crying. I've never felt so desperate in my life and I really am starting to scare myself. Sometimes I feel like ending everything.

I sound so pathetic but I'm just hurting so much.

 

It has been nearly 3 months since the break up and I still don't feel like I'm moving on at all.

He's moved on. I feel like he just wants to erase me from his life. He hasn't initiated contact in a long time.

I really want to ring him right now and ask him straight out whether he's with anyone else. This is killing me

[Geishawhelk]

He's gone with your total opposite for very good reasons: because going out with a clone of you would be like - going out with you. And he's trying to remove himself from that scenario.

She may not be his type, but she's his 'for now' type. He's trying to distance himself from everything that's familiar about you, because it would be too close to home.

She's not better, she's different. She's opposite.

She's everything you're not.

 

And he knows this.

That does NOT mean he's improved things. It means he's changed things.

 

Please please, for your own sanity, stop going on that site.

Put yourself up a block. Better still, get someone else to do it, to change the password, anything, to stop you hurting yourself in this way.

 

Here comes the harsh bit:

You're doing this to yourself, because it hurts.

You're prolonging the pain, and effectively preventing yourself from moving on, because pain with contact is better than no feeling at all.

But it doesn't feel better, does it?

So why do it to yourself?

He's not doing this to you.

YOU'RE doing this to you.

You are actively and deliberately sabotaging your own progress towards healing, because healing would mean moving on and closing the book.

So stop it.

Your healing is in your hands.

[EmperorR]

Deactivate facebook to resist temptation or block him

[stillafool]

He's gone with your total opposite for very good reasons: because going out with a clone of you would be like - going out with you. And he's trying to remove himself from that scenario.

She may not be his type, but she's his 'for now' type. He's trying to distance himself from everything that's familiar about you, because it would be too close to home.

She's not better, she's different. She's opposite.

She's everything you're not.

 

And he knows this.

That does NOT mean he's improved things. It means he's changed things.

 

Please please, for your own sanity, stop going on that site.

Put yourself up a block. Better still, get someone else to do it, to change the password, anything, to stop you hurting yourself in this way.

 

Here comes the harsh bit:

You're doing this to yourself, because it hurts.

You're prolonging the pain, and effectively preventing yourself from moving on, because pain with contact is better than no feeling at all.

But it doesn't feel better, does it?

So why do it to yourself?

He's not doing this to you.

YOU'RE doing this to you.

You are actively and deliberately sabotaging your own progress towards healing, because healing would mean moving on and closing the book.

So stop it.

Your healing is in your hands.

 

 

I completely agree with this post. Funny, when an ex of mine ended up marrying a girl that looked like me I was offended. I would rather they end up with the total opposite of me that way maybe they would miss me without having a clone. You have got to stop investigating what he does. It's none of your business anymore and is keeping you from healing. Call up friends and get out of the house and make your own fun. If you feel too desperate maybe you should seek therapy.

[saturnfell]

Delete your Facebook account! It's not worth having one. Once you let go of the account you'll be on your way to better times. At this point, you don't need any reminders and you certainly shouldn't be looking into his life. This will in no way help you, this will only do you a disservice.

[electriclove]

He's gone with your total opposite for very good reasons: because going out with a clone of you would be like - going out with you. And he's trying to remove himself from that scenario.

She may not be his type, but she's his 'for now' type. He's trying to distance himself from everything that's familiar about you, because it would be too close to home.

She's not better, she's different. She's opposite.

She's everything you're not.

 

And he knows this.

That does NOT mean he's improved things. It means he's changed things.

 

Please please, for your own sanity, stop going on that site.

Put yourself up a block. Better still, get someone else to do it, to change the password, anything, to stop you hurting yourself in this way.

 

Here comes the harsh bit:

You're doing this to yourself, because it hurts.

You're prolonging the pain, and effectively preventing yourself from moving on, because pain with contact is better than no feeling at all.

But it doesn't feel better, does it?

So why do it to yourself?

He's not doing this to you.

YOU'RE doing this to you.

You are actively and deliberately sabotaging your own progress towards healing, because healing would mean moving on and closing the book.

So stop it.

Your healing is in your hands.

 

Thanks for your words. What you're saying is absolutely right and I know this in my head but telling my heart this is another matter. I'm having real difficulty closing the door and moving on like you say. Part of me is still in disbelief that this has happened and he has actually gone. I can't get my head round the fact that I will never hold him, kiss him, or lay in his arms ever again. What's even worse is there is a very high probability he is doing all these things with someone else!

 

I don't know what it's going to take to stop doing this to myself and let it go

Today has been horrible. I haven't managed to eat anything all day. I'm hoping tomorrow will be better...

[electriclove]

Delete your Facebook account! It's not worth having one. Once you let go of the account you'll be on your way to better times. At this point, you don't need any reminders and you certainly shouldn't be looking into his life. This will in no way help you, this will only do you a disservice.

 

I don't know if I can delete my account just yet. I've thought about deleting him as a friend but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I guess I'm scared he will think I'm being childish and it will send a message that I don't want anything to do with him. The part of me that wants a bit of revenge also wants to keep him as a friend, so that when I do eventually move on and find a guy 10x hotter than him I can plaster it all over FB! One can dream.

For the meantime I'm just going to stay away from the site all together. I really wish it had never been invented.

[Knight_Ctrl]

It has been nearly 3 months since the break up and I still don't feel like I'm moving on at all.

He's moved on. I feel like he just wants to erase me from his life. He hasn't initiated contact in a long time.

I really want to ring him right now and ask him straight out whether he's with anyone else. This is killing me

 

 

No, no calling him. Not talking to him, and no looking at his pictures. I'm like you, its been about 2 months since my breakup and I haven't been feeling like I'm getting better. But compare where you are now to a few months ago right at the start of your break. You've come far I know you have. Also get rid of that facebook. No facebook no myspace, trust me they only ever bring pain ALWAYS. Even if you like facebook and stuff just being on there even if he isn't on your friends list is going to egg you on to go look at his profile sometime. Just don't set foot on those bastard sites.

[electriclove]

No, no calling him. Not talking to him, and no looking at his pictures. I'm like you, its been about 2 months since my breakup and I haven't been feeling like I'm getting better. But compare where you are now to a few months ago right at the start of your break. You've come far I know you have. Also get rid of that facebook. No facebook no myspace, trust me they only ever bring pain ALWAYS. Even if you like facebook and stuff just being on there even if he isn't on your friends list is going to egg you on to go look at his profile sometime. Just don't set foot on those bastard sites.

 

Well I came pretty damn close today but I stayed strong and haven't contacted him. It's just not worth it. If he asked me what I'd been up to I'd blurt out that I've been stalking his fb...a lot as well as every girl friend he has on there. No good is going to come from doing that.

 

I'm going to take your advice and steer clear of that site from now on. I'm only hurting myself and I think I've got enough evidence now to show he's moving on. All I can say is thank god to you and everybody on here at LS. I seriously don't know where I would have been without everyone's kind words and encouragement.

[Geishawhelk]

I don't know if I can delete my account just yet. I've thought about deleting him as a friend but I can't seem to bring myself to do it.

 

Delet him delete him! He's NOT A FRIEND!!

 

I guess I'm scared he will think I'm being childish and it will send a message that I don't want anything to do with him.

 

Good! Of course you don't want anything to do with him - he sure as heck doesn't want anything to do with you, does he - ?! It's not Childish - what you've been doing thus far, is childish. To delete him will show extraordinary maturity and initiative!

 

The part of me that wants a bit of revenge also wants to keep him as a friend, so that when I do eventually move on and find a guy 10x hotter than him I can plaster it all over FB! One can dream.

Revenge?

Revenge for the fact that he's just a weak human being?

he's weak in one way - but you're weak in another.... c'mon, let go those thoughts! The more you harbour negativity, the more it will cloud your life and the less likely you will be to devote time, effort and 100% to the deserving - Mr 10x hotter - and you!

 

For the meantime I'm just going to stay away from the site all together. I really wish it had never been invented.

Whilst you can't un-invent the wheel, it sure has heck come a long way since those big round stone things with a pole stuck through the middle of them....

The best way for you to avoid temptation is to erase it.

[IcemanJB]

Delete your Facebook account! It's not worth having one. Once you let go of the account you'll be on your way to better times. At this point, you don't need any reminders and you certainly shouldn't be looking into his life. This will in no way help you, this will only do you a disservice.

 

I agree with this. I've had FB since the year it came out and was always checking it. Well my ex and I split a couple months ago, and I just couldn't bear seeing any sort of update from her; pictures or otherwise. Eventually I told her to stop contacting me, and shortly after I deactivated my account; didn't want to simply remove her because 1.) I did earlier in the year when she pissed me off and I admitted to her that it's childish (it is - and the only time she's ever pissed me off...) and 2.) removing her as a friend doesn't stop me from seeing updates and pics from mutual friends. I was sick of even the possibility of seeing pics of her with others...

 

At first I was thinking I would just deactivate for a short while, but I'm starting to see major benefits from possibly making it permanent. Of course people are constantly hounding me to reactivate, but it forces them to call or meet up instead of hiding behind FB.

 

Just deactivate for a couple weeks and see how you're doing after that. I think you'll be surprised; most of all it will help you heal. As of now, I have no intention of reactivating my Facebook in the near future - and I've had it for over 4 years.

[Oscar51]

I'm curious electric...I have to go somewhere so I don't have time to read the entire post...Who broke up with who?

[kizik]

I'm curious electric...I have to go somewhere so I don't have time to read the entire post...Who broke up with who?

 

I don't think you should be contributing if you're not going to give the OP the respect to read her original story.

[electriclove]

I'm curious electric...I have to go somewhere so I don't have time to read the entire post...Who broke up with who?

 

Well I'll just give you a quick breakdown.

He broke up with me about 3 months ago. We went on holiday in september with my family and the whole time he was off with me, very quiet and subdued, so I confronted him about what was wrong and he basically said that he had been thinking about our future for some time and wasn't sure whether we had one. He reeled off a lot of reasons for the break up but mainly it boiled down to the fact that he couldn't stand us arguing anymore and he was sick of the drama. He told me his heart wasn't in the relationship and that although he loved me he just wanted to be on his own.

 

I also found out mid break up that he had feelings for someone that he worked with at work but he maintained the entire time that she had nothing to do with the break up. I'd like to believe him but I don't, the timing of the breakup and this crush of his was not just a coincidence in my eyes.

[stillafool]

I agree with this. I've had FB since the year it came out and was always checking it. Well my ex and I split a couple months ago, and I just couldn't bear seeing any sort of update from her; pictures or otherwise. Eventually I told her to stop contacting me, and shortly after I deactivated my account; didn't want to simply remove her because 1.) I did earlier in the year when she pissed me off and I admitted to her that it's childish (it is - and the only time she's ever pissed me off...) and 2.) removing her as a friend doesn't stop me from seeing updates and pics from mutual friends. I was sick of even the possibility of seeing pics of her with others...

 

At first I was thinking I would just deactivate for a short while, but I'm starting to see major benefits from possibly making it permanent. Of course people are constantly hounding me to reactivate, but it forces them to call or meet up instead of hiding behind FB.

 

Just deactivate for a couple weeks and see how you're doing after that. I think you'll be surprised; most of all it will help you heal. As of now, I have no intention of reactivating my Facebook in the near future - and I've had it for over 4 years.

 

 

People don't believe it but it is true! If you deactivate this and all accounts and change your phone numbers you will heal so much faster. It's surprising how this can help to put them out of your mind and get you on the road to recovery. Trust me, if they (the ex) want to contact you they will find a way.

[saturnfell]

People don't believe it but it is true! If you deactivate this and all accounts and change your phone numbers you will heal so much faster. It's surprising how this can help to put them out of your mind and get you on the road to recovery. Trust me, if they (the ex) want to contact you they will find a way.

 

I'm an advocate for changing your phone number! It works, I've done it and it's lovely. I would be the poster girl for this if there were ads. Change your phone number!

[stillafool]

I'm an advocate for changing your phone number! It works, I've done it and it's lovely. I would be the poster girl for this if there were ads. Change your phone number!

 

I always did too and it does work. OP trust us you will be surprised.